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Hey Mike,

So here's my idea for the new movie: We get can get Jack Blade and Spanky McBonkers - they're flavour of the month - and put them in some kind of action movie, where they steal something and run cross country to Vegas and have to fight off bad guys and stuff. It'll be great.

We can start with some kind of heist scene, yeah, with people sneaking into a building to steal the plans to um, a Superthruster, and there can be cool laser beam scenes like that one with Catherine Zeta-Jones' ass, you know the one I mean. We should have some sliding down elevator cables, we can work in some reference to extreme sports so that market will see the film. Then we need to have one of those bits where the main characters have to hide under a desk from a guard and there can be a moment of sexual tension, and then some crawling through vents and some computer hacking to get the files - we can get some money off the Apple people - and they can download it all onto a CD.

Then we can have a car chase and they head off and drive to Vegas in a car like kids want to drive, work in some shots of it going fast, you know the drill. Also some through-the-windshield shots of the girl looking all frumpled from being in the car, like she's not really happy with the way things are going and looking all fragile, guys eat that up. Then we can have them get there in the morning and have breakfast at some diner that has strippers. It sounds silly but we have to keep the T&A quotient up so the teenagers will be interested, and everyone thinks Vegas is full of strippers so no one will care. We should also have the heroes argue lots, give it a little will they/won't they edge for the female audience.

Then they get found by some guys sent to track them down and they run away, I'm thinking there's crowds and pushing and fast camera angles, lots of stuff getting knocked over, that sort of thing and there can be jumping over cars and a big pile up of cars, and we can work in some foriegn people for laughs - if the film goes down the toilet in whatever country we don't care as long as the folks at home like it, right? Then they get split up, and the guy has to hide out in a seedy bar with a lounge singer. Some of the bad guys will come in looking for him and there'll be a big shootout, two gun mayhem, you know? Then he gets away and gets lost, and we cut to the girl who's waiting in a hotel room for him and is all distressed because she thinks he's not coming back for her, but he's really dodging all these creepy people he thinks work for the evil company.

Then some more bad guys can break into the girl's hotel room and she can fight them off with martial arts and then I think run onto the roof and we can get an aerial shot. She can kick someone off the side, and run for the other side of the roof, seen from an aerial shot, and then we can have a shot of someone aiming a gun at her and she can go down - hear me out here, I know it sounds crazy - the audience will think shes dead but really they will have shot her with a tranquiliser dart so in the next scene we can have someone corner the guy and tell him to bring the CD to get the girl back. So later at the nightclub they've got the girl there sitting in the corner and the guy shows up and, oh, kicks the table up at the bad guys and grabs the girl, they can jump down to the lower floor: glass everywhere, gunplay, that sort of thing.

Now back to the hotel room and they're grabbing their stuff.... some kind of hit squad turns up and they have to fight their way out of the building with everyone shooting at them.... Maybe grenade launchers come into it because nothing's blown up yet. We gotta blow shit up. There should be helicopters with big guns too. Then it's out of there and they're hiding out in some motel and the guy goes out for something and this thug breaks into the room and attacks the girl unexpectedly and so the hero comes back and beats him up. I'm thinking we get David Heyes for this role, he's really mean and nasty looking. Then he can be tortured so they can find out where the bad guys are operating from and take them out. We better put in some scene where they find some black market weapons dealer/brooding angsty hacker type (steal some Matrix audience) who has all kinds of weapons and stuff, run a few quick cuts of them lock and loading guns.... you know the drill, makes for good clips in the ads.

Then we can have, oh I dunno, the girl hijacking a helicopter and getting them both into a skyscraper, because the evil corporation has offices everywhere. They can fight their way through all these guards and we can show the main bad guy - I'm thinking Daniel Bourke with a goatee - running around trying to organise things. Then there can be a fight between the good guys and his henchmen - one female, people get off on girls fighting - I'm thinking exotic Asian femme fatale - and the henchman can be an evil english accent and scary eyes, it'll make for a good scene. Then when they beat up those guys they can go after the head of the company and kill him, maybe in a fight scene on top of the building and there will be a helicopter and explosions and the usual stuff.

As for the ending, I'm not really sure what to do about it, possibly just have them drive off into the desert or something. That might work. We can sort it out when filming starts, no one ever notices when we iron out the plot of a movie during filming.

I love this job.

Anyway, the important thing is the soundtrack. We have to remember to incorporate the music into scenes of the movie and I'm thinking:

Heist Scene: Sly and Robbie - Superthruster

Car Chase/Road Trip: Praga Khan - Breakfast in Vegas

Strip Club for Breakfast: Moloko - Fun For Me

Chase on Foot: Orbital - Know Where To Run

Seedy Bar: Mike Flowers Pops - Wonderwall

Lonely girl waiting while her guy is on the run: Dinah Washington - Is You Is Or Is You Ain't My Baby?

Girl runs from bad guys: The Prodigy - Baby's Got a Temper

Nightclub arrival: Electric 6 - Danger! High Voltage!

Nightclub gunfight: The Chemical Brothers - Loops of Fury

Hotel escape: Agent Provocateur - Red Tape

Motel fight scene/torture: The Crystal Method - Name of the Game

Getting guns and raiding building: Timo Maas - To Get Down

Fighting henchmen: Sonic Mayhem - Quake 3 Final (The Very End of You¹)

Final shot/end credits: Bjork - Play Dead

Anyway, tell me what you think. I'm sure we can film in Vegas. Throw enough money at the right people and you could film a movie anywhere.

Jerry

1. I made the id3 tag say "Sonic Mayhem - The Very End of You" because that's the title of the last level in Quake III Arena, and I think it sounds better than "Quake 3 Final" or even worse the normally used "Final." The file is "Quake 3 Final" so you know where the track came from - "Final" doesn't tell you anything about it! The track probably has a real name now it's been released on an album but I'm sodded if I know what it is.