Battersea: area of South West London, part of the London Borough of Wandsworth. Famous for the Battersea Dogs Home (picturesquely situated near the gasworks); the Battersea Power Station, a very cool building(picturesquely smelling of the nearby sewage works); and not much else. Arse-end, naffy bit of the city where bugger all interesting ever happens.

But, but, there's Battersea park, with the giant gold buddha. And there's foofy expensive housing filled with people called Lucy and Rupert (though they call it batt-er-see-er, of course). There's the really crappy up and down only sightseeing balloon. There's a huge building made out of lego and plastic that houses QVC. There's no tube, but a couple of really scary run-down stations. There's, um, yeah. you're right. Bugger all happens in battersea.

Though i did once go to a very strange party there, and had to spend half the next day drinking irn-bru to subdue my hangover.