Well, here's what I've
heard:
pingouin once ate ten pounds of
cabbage in one sitting and spent the next
three days in the
bathroom.
Britney Spears is one of
Everything's Best Users. Her
username?
bozon.
dem bones is a
professional Liberace impersonator.
moJoe likes to node wearing a
tutu.
passport owns the largest
asparagus ranch in Montana.
Jinmyo has had four
artificial hearts implanted in her body, allowing her to run like a
cheetah, leap like a
gazelle, and
belch like a
walrus.
LaggedyAnne eats 10 pounds of
corn every day.
shaogo is the composer of the
Hot Pockets commercial jingle.
Chras4 is an enlightened master of the School of
Armpit Monkey Kung-Fu. It involves holding her armpits over her opponents' faces and hooting loudly.
256 can swallow a whole
pumpkin.
TenMinJoe once threw
Buddy Hackett off the
Chrysler Building.
Due to an unfortunate
embroidery accident,
wharfinger has a
staple gun where his
left hand should be.
anthropod's most prized possession is a frozen
lasagna once owned by
Louis XIV.
A family of chickadees nests in
Roninspoon's back hair.
golFUR is the secret King of the Chimneysweeps, destined to unite the world's
chimneysweeps as they clean a whole lot of chimneys.
Catchpole evolved from
gherkins.
cbustapeck flings
squirrels at the elderly.
Sarcasmo needs
pruning shears to trim his
toenails.
izubachi prefers to be addressed as "OUR IMMORTAL LORD OF
SPAM." Yes, all-caps and everything.
sid is small, furry, and
green.
JeffMagnus is the
president of the
Beverly Hillbillies Fan Club.
iceowl likes to blow his nose in the Jell-O at restaurant
salad bars.
Most of the "
odd characters" nodes are actually based on
Queequeg.
smartalix can spit a watermelon seed 400 yards, if conditions are right. One of the conditions is a 400-yard-tall building he can stand on top of.
kamamer's real name is
kamamer. Just one word. Yes, just like
Cher.
grundoon writes long letters to newspapers warning of the danger posed by the "
Space Ponies."
Augustine was struck by
lightning and gained the ability to glow dimly and attract
moths.
borgette likes to ride around town on the back of her trusty
panda, Edgar.
borgo is towed behind in a little red wagon.
artman2003 suffers from canine
distemper.
machfive wants to give you $20. Yes,
you!StrawberryFrog is a known
accountant and has been seen using files in public.
FeltTips is calling from inside your house!
Bitriot is known and feared throughout the criminal underworld as the
Velveteen Snugglebear.
sensei likes to sit in
bus stations and argue with people about the correct
pronunciation of "
bologna".
Spuunbenda is secretly the author of a children's book called "
Clucky-Poo the Chicken and the Very Horny Hillbilly."
Inflatable_Monk is a professional
alligator wrestler. It pays much better than you would expect.
Scriblerus has baked you a
pie! (Do not eat it.)
Servo5678 is a friend to children!
Gamaliel is a
Brazilian hoochie-coochie girl.
sneff trains
hippos to kill!
yclept scares the holy living hell out of
Ann Coulter.
^Davion^ is the Captain of your Heart.
segnbora-t's life story was adapted, with very few changes, for the TV show "
Knight Rider".
JayBonci's diet consists solely of
boiled owls.
Oolong is so tall, he has to climb a ladder to comb his hair.
GangstaFeelsGood feels really,
really good.
BrooksMarlin is a close personal friend of
Abe Vigoda.
JohnnyGoodyear believes that kittens are
unholy.
BookReader is wanted in four states for illegal snorting of
chocolate syrup.
Focus is the world's most huggable
cage fighter.
icicle was raised by a family of
armadillos, and thus she has a tendency to roll into a ball any time she sees a
pickup truck.
generic-man used to be the drummer in a
Bad Company tribute band.
tetrisboy must wear 80 pounds of
lead strapped to his body to keep from floating into space.
CrAzE has sworn a sacred oath to punish
pandas for their sins against the world.
Ancientsnow feasts upon the flesh of the innocent.
TheBooBooKitty does not actually own a computer. He writes all his nodes by
telegraph.
Radar lost his fortune after investing everything in "
Macarena"
pogs.
WolfDaddy is responsible for the untimely deaths of the first four
Ronald McDonalds.
Professor Pi's real life closely resembles the film "
Videodrome".
O-Swirl writes erotic fan-fiction about
the Banana Splits.
LaylaLeigh is the inventor of the Catkins Diet, which allows you to lose weight by eating
cats.
ascorbic is the Secret King of
Uruguay.
Who let the dogs out?
DTal did.
ushdfgakjasgh is trained in the art of love, the science of assassination, and the craft of
macrame.
momomom loves bacon!
graceness owns a life-size model of
Mount Rushmore made out of
graham cracker crumbs and
butter.
ideath is a
Belgian spy on a secret mission to destroy the
American way of life and force us all to eat
Belgian waffles.
Gritchka is the new
Captain Caveman.
Heisenberg is a
planarian exactly an eighth of an inch tall.
Walter is known worldwide as the
inventor of the
Robotic Wal-Mart Greeter.
eien meru is actually an unusually large
Yorkshire terrier.
IWhoSawTheFace has been injected with experimental
nanites that allow him to leap 20 feet in the air and to prefectly impersonate a
sleeper sofa.
Avalyn invented shrimp scampi.
RainnStarr's home is infested with
badgers.
Thanks to severe
childhood trauma,
Jurph firmly believes that
Skeletor is going to eat him.
skybluefusion gets paid thousands of dollars a year to groom
Gene Shalit.
XWiz is riding across the nation astride a mighty
elk. He does not know how to make it stop.
jaubertmoniker is a well-known personality on the professional
clog-dancing circuit.
Lucy-S habitually snorts
Lik-M-Aid.
waverider37 once punched
Steve Guttenberg so hard that both Guttenberg and waverider's hand exploded.
The
1906 San Francisco earthquake?
Teiresias' fault. He apologizes.
Timeshredder is in direct psychic contact with the malign
Mars Turkeys.
jessicapierce is
insanely wealthy, having cornered the
lucrative tin market in
Bulgaria in the mid-
1980s.
drownzsurf once coughed up a
hairball the size of a
cantaloupe.
Uberbanana isn't all that uber.
Cool Beans really, really likes
beans. Could somebody crack a window?
kthejoker killed
Santa Claus and the
Easter Bunny!
Kizor lives under the big wheel on the "
Wheel of Fortune" set.
Swap can speak the secret language of the
bison.
Spackle can urinate
root beer.
Devon_Hart invented a
time machine solely so he could go back in time and bitch-slap
Calvin Coolidge.
kanoodle is the Spaghetti King of Peoria.
doyle was the model for
Reddy Kilowatt.
Evil Catullus fears
puppies.
bewilderbeast eats 150 pimento-cheese
finger sandwiches every day.
Wuukiee can
bench-press four tons.
Palpz is able to eat his weight in
flour every day.
The Custodian is stalked by murderous
pelicans.
RACECAR worships an eldritch deity he calls "
Apocalypse Cow."
Pedro did not raise enough
money for his
ministry and was "
called home" by
God.
etouffee is the owner of a restaurant called
Taco Fucko. It is widely acknowledged to be the most horrible
Mexican food restaurant in the world.
Pint wears a
prosthetic ass made of solid gold.
GrouchyOldMan is really a grouchy
young man.
Wiccanpiper is a
springbok.
Lord Brawl giggles uncontrollably every time he hears the word "
shoehorn".
Junkill's official job title is "The Ambassador of Gettin'
Dowwwwn."
General Wesc is not really a
general.
pukesick worships a graven image of
Wesley Willis.
iamkaym worships a graven image of
Victor Mature.
Simulacron3 once got stuck in a
bidet.
RoguePoet's award-winning omelets are made by eating a whole
egg, waiting two minutes, then vomiting it up into a frying pan.
montecarlo possesses a
magic ring which allows him to command hordes of noxious kittens.
rootbeer277 is the unquestioned master of the art of getting
Madagascar hissing cockroaches to make love to each other.
Starke is being stalked by
Joan Rivers.
bipolarbear will be at the
Holiday Inn on I-22 all next week performing "
Greatest Disco Hits of the '70s."
haze smuggles cocaine and
Fabrege eggs inside swans' butts.
Ereneta smuggles
cocaine and Fabrege eggs inside his own butt.
Ouroboros smuggles
swans inside his own butt.
Mitzi once killed
Vin Diesel.
panamaus carries a
bunny with him at all times so that, in times of
stress, he can stroke the bunny and sing "Oh, Bunny, I love you, you make me so calm and
continent..."
Myrkabah is able to swallow and regurgitate a whole 20-pound
ham.
wertperch impresses girls by asking why they don't call
Ovaltine "Roundtine." The package isn't oval!
Hatshepsut begins every day by biting a
baby in half and dining on a live
dolphin.
Yossarian cries like a baby every time he watches "
Sleepless in Seattle".
Gorgonzola cries like a baby every time he watches "
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers".
Braunbeck can fit a whole
canteloupe in his mouth.
allseeingeye is able to drink two quarts of
gravy in a sitting.
Fruan wears a
loincloth. On formal occasions, he will also wear a
bowtie.
Angela's middle name is Waldo.
Tem42 is a
Mafia enforcer.
wonko is known throughout the restaurant industry as "the
J.R. Ewing of
Thousand Island salad dressing."
Pseudo_Intellectual is the leader of a
fringe Mormon polygamist cult and has over 30 wives, all named "
Gertie".
prole once got in a slapfight with
Professor Stephen Hawking. She won!
m_turner can fart the "
1812 Overture". You should try to be at least a mile away before he gets to the
cannon fire.
Templeton spends
$30,000 a year on her
expensive Nutter Butter habit.
Posmella enjoys dressing as a
riverboat gambler.
bol gets completely shit-faced after two bottles of
light beer.
Tlachtga's real name is
Queen Piffypuff. She lives in a castle in the clouds in
the Magical Land of Tinklybutt. She has a magical
dog made of meat and a magical
cat made of other cats.
Jack eats at least two cups of
mayonnaise a day.
Noung is
David Hasselhoff's evil twin.
TheDeadGuy is
hung like a
moose.
hamster bong likes to
sniff other people's
armpits in public.
Habakkuk's first job: biting the heads off
chickens in the
circus.
arcanamundi keeps frozen peas in her
pants for fun and education.
To keep his skin soft and cheesy,
Tiefling bathes in
jalepeno queso dip every morning.
After too many years of watching cartoons,
Excalibre enjoys dropping
anvils onto common barnyard animals.
--OutpostMir-- can be induced to
soil himself by scratching him behind the ears.
stand/alone/bitch lives in a house made of
human bones.
bob the cow?
Not a real
cow...
Tregoweth is the world's foremost
expert on
Morris dancing.
riverrun is the world's foremost expert on
Morris beds.
Scribe is the former mayor of
Slapout, Oklahoma.
dannye is covered with obscene
Pokemon tattoos.
Andromache01 is able to inhale a live
squid through her nose.
exceptinsects is the world's greatest
performer on the
electric bassoon.
MacArthur Parker possesses secret powers of
Super-Flatulence.
Demeter's day job? She plays
Tinky Winky, the big gay purple
Teletubby.
sekicho can send
bricks to sleep entirely by
hypnosis.
Knifegirl has a
pet emu which she rides to
work every morning.
Electricsound has been granted
unholy abilities to transform
Budweiser to
Coors.
Thanks to
experimental gene therapy,
Halspal is covered with
pink fur and is irresistably attractive to
ocelots.
ocelotbob quite fancies
Halspal.
Mr. Hotel lives in a small red plastic house on the
Boardwalk.
Quizro can crack a
walnut with his
buttcheeks.
Lometa bathes in
apricot jelly to keep her skin
fresh and smelling like
apricots.
ailie really
grooves on
Rico Suave.
mat catastrophe peed in your
coffee!
TanisNikana is married to a 10-pound bag of frozen
broccoli.
ac_hyper smokes doobies--in other words, she captures members of
the Doobie Brothers, sets them on
fire, and breathes their smoke to get
high.
Uberfetus likes to
greet people by shouting "
Get down! Get funky! Get wild on my monkey!"
Fondue is over nine feet tall.
lawnjart is a professional
truffle hog.
Chihuahua Grub is the secret love child of
Frank Langella.
karma debt has special solid steel bear-trap
dentures and uses them to bite
unruly children.
thefez is the
father of
Mickey Rooney.
nate is already planning
Everything 3.
But that's just what I've
heard...