Your accent is so cool

Ok, so its nice to be told it, its what follows that gets on my tits.

"oh, your accent is so kewl, say something with like lots of Rs' in it" - all of a sudden I can't remember any words that involve rrrolling your RRRs.

"oh, your accent is so cool, do you know that bit from trainspotting, y'know, choose life, can you like say it ALL for me?" - Yeah, shit, I've got the whole damn thing down in memory, just for you.

"You know, every time I hear you say 'one-thousand' I think of that Proclaimers song 500 miles, can you sing it?" - Fuck off, the Proclaimers are the bastard sons of sheep and should have had their sodding vocal chords removed at an early age

"Hey, say 'They can take our land but they cannot take our freedom'" - No-one has ever sounded less Scottish than that bastard australian Mel Gibson in that historically inept bloody film.

"Did Mel Gibson do a good Scottish accent in Braveheart" - Hah. Yeah and Scottie out of Star Trek is my dad.

"Are you putting that accent on or is it REAL?" - Believe me, I'm stuck with it, I wish to all that is good I could speak some other way, but I'm left sounding like a dog barking that has the flu.

"I like your accent, I think scotch people are like great" - I'm not scotch, thats a whisky you idiot, I'm Scottish, understand.

I've never done this to any other nationality, I wouldn't. Its a horrible thing, you instantly feel put on stage, there to sodding perform an act you've been trying to supress for years. Whats more annoying is I spend most of my time trying to reduce my accent because no-one can understand a word I say if I don't. That probably serves to make me sound even more ridiculous

Then again, one lovely looking girl came over to me one night and said "You have the sexiest voice I've ever heard".
"RRRReally? Yerrrr no joakin' us oan" says I. All of a sudden aflush with Scottish-ism's and ready to quote any line from Braveheart she chose.