I don't even know how to write anymore ... It has been too long, and I, too busy. I am sittin' in my computer room waiting for the time to pass; listening to an Oasis song I haven't heard in years. Live Forever. I remember this song was our mantra in the Sheppard Pratt adolescent ward back in `94. No one really wanted to die. We just needed to break free. Suicide was the only option then. How much things have changed.

I am free now. Graduation was two days ago, and now I must decide my fate all on my own. No parents to tell me what I must do. I don't want this freedom anymore. There are too many decisions to be made, and no one to blame but myself when they turn out wrong.

Life just moves too quickly. I can still remember watching the 18 year-olds, envious of their mature age and grand wisdom. Now the 18 year-olds are babies. I laugh at their certainty. They know everything; they've done it all; they have everyone fooled by their tough and unbreakable façade.

Everyday I am hit by the certainty that I know nothing. It only took me half a decade to come to this realization. At first it was a comforting thought; no expectations attached to it. No great deeds to be done; no saving the world. A woman who knows nothing cannot even save herself.

And yet, they still come to me looking for answers. Somehow, those freshmen and sophomores slipped into my upper-level classes. With glossy eyes and a tremble in their voice, they seek me out for explanation. "I didn't learn a thing in this class; I couldn't understand a thing he taught us." Amazed, I wonder to myself: "How could he have made it any easier? Are you just stupid, or did you not pay an ounce of attention."

So I put it in clear and stupid words for them. And they smile with relief; at least now I can pass the exam.

So where does this leave us? How can a woman who knows nothing teach others? If I know nothing, and they know even less ... This is America; these are our brightest and best. Who will save the world if I cannot. Because I certainly cannot; I know nothing, and I just wanna be free.