I have very recently graduated from many years of being a student to being what might loosely be termed as 'a useful member of society'. It's a very loose term because of my current status of 'unemployed', but someone has to justify the existence of the social welfare state, and I am that lonely soldier.

One of the advantages of not being a student anymore, however, is that I get to move out of the student halls of residence that I've called home now for three years, and into a very nice flat where I get to share a bathroom with only one other person, and where I'm not reduced to a life of sandwiches because they're the easiest thing to make in a world where the kitchen is just those few metres further away than you can be bothered to walk when hungry. Yesterday was the first major meal that I've cooked since I moved in; it's also the first time that my parents have come to visit me and my new residence. Coincidence? I think not.

That first major meal was, in traditional English stylie, a roast. But not just any roast. Oh no. We're talking 3kg of beef rib joint, cooked such that it was brown on the outside, but beautifully pink on the inside. I'd been planning this meal all week (cooking for 10 in a small kitchen with just the one oven really isn't as easy as it looks, and it didn't look easy.) And for dessert? Why, citrus freeze, which is why I'm reminded to node this small slice of sweet, sweet heaven. This dessert was something of a childhood treat, and when I was reminded of its existence recently I phoned my mother for the recipe. However, I then never really got the chance to make it on account of aforementioned grotty student kitchen where anything tasty left in the freezer just wouldn't be there when you got back.

I was looking forward to this dessert, and I was looking forward to serving this dessert. Aside from anything, it could be made far enough in advance to make my life a lot easier on the day.

Of course, in true paraclete fashion, I didn't actually remember I'd made the damn thing until I'd waved my parents off from the front door.

Doh.

Still, all the more for me....

You will need:

• 400g tin of condensed milk
• 280mls double cream
• 4 eggs, separated
• 2 lemons
• 4 limes
• 100g caster sugar
• 5 Cadbury's Flakes (or 300g milk chocolate for those not residents of the UK or Australia)

Okay, I don't know about you, but when it comes to kitchen appliances, electric whisks are the best things since sliced bread. Ever tried beating egg whites stiff with a hand whisk? I have. It's one of those life-experiences that are suppressed because they are just too traumatic. Bearing this in mind, take the condensed milk, double cream, and egg yolks, throw them into bowl, and whisk. Hand whisks for those of a masochistic temperament, electric for those with an ounce of sense.

Resist all urges coursing through your synapses to taste the sweet, sweet nectar in the bowl.

Now, take your lemon zester. Don't have a lemon zester? No problem. Take your grater and use the finest edge. Don't have a grater? No problem. Take your vegetable peeler and/or small kitchen knife. Don't have a vegetable peeler and/or small kitchen knife? Why the fuck are you bothering? Just go away and stop wasting my time.

Now, all of you who are still here, remove the zests of the lemons and limes (chopping them fine if you're using a vegetable peeler or small knife) and add to the cream/milk/yolk combination. Then add the juice from all the fruit into the same bowl. Give a brief burst of whisk power to mix everything together.

Okay, now turn your attention to the egg whites. Remembering to clean the beaters first, whisk the egg whites until they form stiff peaks when you stop the whisk and bring the beaters out of the bowl. Add the caster sugar to the whisked egg whites; whisk again until stiff. Then fold the egg white/sugar mix into the bowl of sugar-citrus delight using a metal spoon.

Finally, crumble your chocolate Flakes into the mixture; those who are unable to get their hands on Flakes can either shave a bar of milk chocolate in (make sure it's been sitting in the fridge for a while so that it's hard), or break the milk chocolate into very small pieces using a kitchen knife (the same way you'd cut up fresh herbs). It won't be quite the same as if you'd used Flakes, but it'll be close enough for the purposes of this dessert. Mix the contents of the bowl very briefly to ensure even distribution of the chocolate pieces, and then turn your attention to the container that you're going to freeze it in.

Now, I normally use a loaf tin, but I'm sure that any kind of tin will do; I imagine that a ring mould might be an especially good choice because it would allow for nice presentation to the dinner table with fruit (or anything, really) in the centre. However, the reason I use a loaf tin is for ease of serving; rather than going through the business of having to grease the tin so that you can actually remove the contents with ease, I just line it with cling film.

Job's a good'un.

Now, take the thing of extraordinary beauty that you have created and place in the freezer until it's solid.

Eat.

spiregrain says re citrus freeze: "I didn't actually remember I'd made the damn thing until I'd waved my parents off from the front door", that's yer subconscious, saving the whole thing for yourself.

How dare you accuse me of such antics, Sir, how dare you. Though you're probably right.

Wntrmute says re citrus freeze: this can now be labelled idiot-proof, since I managed to produce a batch that tastes great and hasn't given me food poisoning!