I consider myself pretty open minded and level headed. I'm eager to learn new things, and am excited whenever I see news of new developments on the scientific frontier. I think I'm pretty accepting to other peoples' beliefs. So imagine my shock to discover I'm a cynical person.
I respect everybody's opinion. If someone has a different opinion than me, I secretly think condescending thoughts about them. "Oh, sure, you believe in god because you need to or someone convinced you of it. God doesn't work for me, so you must need a crutch." "Man, edge anti-aliasing is not as easy as you think it is, idiot, that's why everything's moving to full-screen. You're obviously not as up on your reading as you think you are." "You think you've been doing all the housework?? I'm the only one who's been picking up the front room and I've done all the cooking and dishes! You're either being lazy, or you refuse to look at how much I've been busting my ass and are being totally selfish!" etc.
Someone who believes in God is intellectually inferior to me? Do I honestly believe that?! Hell no! But on some gut instinctual level, I do. Because I went through a really hard time about religion, trying to make it work for me, and I realised there were a ton of reasons I could never believe in religion. Logical reasons, to me. So, as a result, anybody who does believe in God does it not following in those same paths as I did. Because if they did, of course they'd reach the same conclusions I did. WTF? Did I really think that? How messed up am I? Is it that hard to conceive that someone else views things differently AND has done that same soul-searching and reasoning I have? And it's not like I'm a scholar... How many of these people have done WAY more thinking on it than I? Not many, most are terrified, mindless sheep. WHAT?!?
Factual things I'm convinced of are easier. When I find out I'm wrong, I quickly berate myself. But I usually reason in there somewhere that I'm not entirely wrong. I just had a different piece of the puzzle than my arguer. They're smarter for hearing my point of view, even if it was partially inaccurate.
Of course, I'm the only one who does house-work. Never mind all of the laundry she's done for me or that she's been keeping the rest of the house clean, or that she's been washing dishes when I'm too exhausted, or that she's the one who did most of the cleaning when we had to move recently, despite being pregnant. She's been ignoring the work that I've done. Wait, that's right, she has been doing a lot... Am I ignoring everything she's done? No, of course not. I realize everything she's been doing around the house, she just doesn't recognize my efforts. I'm busy, I have an exhausting job programming. But wait, doesn't she also have an equally exhausting job, and probably in more ways, getting yelled at all day by angry customers? No, of course not, my work involves problem solving, I have to be more active. She can be passive in that. WHAT? That's conceited, selfish, and just plain wrong! I don't really believe that! yes i do
I am an optimist, and I work in game programming where I see great advances every day. We're advancing towards virtual reality slowly and steadily. I believe that mankind will destroy itself with virtual reality. We'll be lost in our own pleasure worlds and forget about everything in Real Life. Wait, does that mean I'm making building blocks towards something I believe will destroy everything I hold dear? No, I'm just making computer games. It won't matter until things get much more realistic than they are now. But every step along the way counts, right??
I believe this world has limited resources. I feel I have a moral obligation to use those resources to the best that I can. I don't recycle. I drive to work every day, when I could easily bike to it. I believe that if I were to have a child with significant birth defects, abortion so that I could have another child who could more enjoy this world is the most moral decision I could make. I'm having a child soon, and if I come to discover there is anything wrong with it, I wouldn't even consider an abortion.
I have my beliefs, and they don't mean a thing to me, even though I claim they do. Things I believe and advocate and berate others for not believing I don't really believe on an instinctual level, I have to reinforce them constantly. I am a disgusting human being |
