Beautiful things that have made you cry

Walking through a field at 6am, watching the first slant of morning light fall across the greenness in front of me.

Jumping into my bed after winter camping for three days, feeling the warmth coursing through my body and caring about nothing else.

Listening to "Joga," by Bjork, for the very first time.

Singing "Oh Canada" with almost a hundred drunken fellow Canadians on a crowded bus in Ottawa.

Waiting for a bus at 2am, watching a leaf being blown in circles through the dead-quiet street.

Finally realizing that I am interesting.

"Seid umschlungen, Millionen!
Diesen Kuß der ganzen Welt!"

("O you millions, let me embrace you,
Let this kiss be for the whole world.")

Maudlin and sentimental, I know. But there it is. So desu neh.

So anyways, she was my only RL friend that stopped by to say Happy Birthday to me and actually give me something.

Well the day before we had been out to the mall and I happened to mention to her that I wished I had someone to give me special gifts like she gives to her boyfriend.

The card she gave me she mentioned what I had said and wrote that she thought this was the next best thing. Included with the card was the cutest damn Teddy Bear I've ever seen. Although I didn't seem very happy about it when she gave it to me, afterwards I started to cry because she cared about me so much.

When all of my friends ditched me for their selfish lives, she took the time to show her love. And to me that was one of the most beautiful things someone could have done for me.

In fact a projection of the Milky Way in the Hayden Planetarium in New York. The projector is the most advanced in the world. It displays all of the stars that are visible with the naked eye. It displays over 80 objects that are too dim to see with the eye, just to be as accurate as it can be.

For too long I have been in one city or another. It has been some years since I have seen the Milky Way on a good dark night.

In the planetarium they tell you what you are about to see, A half baked introduction narrated by Tom Hanks, but then there is a moment of darkness, a moment of silence, and the Universe is hanging there, in front of your eyes. The multicoloured stars surround you. You can reach out, almost touch it.

It reawakens the child in you, for a moment you are just filled with wonder and as i breathed it in a felt the tear run down my cheek.

The way that I wake in the morning to find that nothing has changed for the better or for the worse

They way that I see the things in people that make them the most beautiful people in the world

The power I have been given to heal the wounds of the soul and of the mind

The time when I really and truely realized fear for the first time in Twenty-five years(The birth and subsequent fear of loss of my son)

The fact that no matter how much my best friend grows up I will always be his true older brother

The season of fall, every, single, year...

the true feeling of calm and a true sense of belonging

In retrospec I have thought about all of these things and their beauty pales in comparison to the simplistic beauty and comfort that I find in Love

Seeing a friend fall in love for the first time and realizing that he won't mess it up, and he didn't.

Watching people grow and change into exactly what I knew they could.

Knowing sometimes, that life will flow away from you (but in the words of one of the best friends I have ever had) you will feel whole again (thanks Clare).

When watching a movie and for some reason (you know not why) it moves you, deep within and you just break.

• Rachel, who was beautiful as ever, even with the blood and the tubes and the broken bones and the head trauma, and was still beautiful as I held her hand and watched them pull the plug. I miss you.
• Mrs. James, who was beautiful because she taught me that math was just pictures, and that I was a worthwhile person whether anyone else thought so or not. I miss you.
• Uncle Bill, my hero, who taught me when I was five how to write my name in the wet cement on his driveway. I miss you.
• Lauren, who taught me and still teaches me how to live and love and see, and that being corny is okay sometimes, and that putting lemons in your hair makes it get lighter, and that it's okay to sit around and do nothing all day, and that it's okay to cry about these things. I love you to tears.
• Cathi, who made me rebuild myself, whether she knows it or not, and who is helping me build me more.

  /me oozes cheese