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♫ Resolution state; you'll be pleased because the circumstances you exist in the causes of deceit are similar.

Howdy, howdy. I'm doing a survey for an up coming node. If you manage to stop here on your journey through E2 please take the time to message me.

Question:

BookReader at a glance:

Age: 23
Sex: Male
Weight: 160
Height: 6'1
Hair: Brown
Eyes: Green to blue
Xp Limit: 883
!: defcon4
AIM: chaindrain
Status: Eating downvotes.

      -----BEGIN NODE CODE BLOCK-----
NAT l+ xp n+ C- H c+++ e # d+ D++ p g N 
      ------END NODE CODE BLOCK------
    

Node Audits

Listen up! E2 needs more fiction. I mean, we have plenty of it but we need more, lots more. So, in order to encourage those who would post fiction, but are just a bit too nervous or scared, I am offering node audits focusing on fiction.

Requirements

You must be level 2 or lower (if you are a higher level noder I will be happy to audit any node you point out to me, providing of course that it is fictional). I will audit all of your fiction nodes giving:

Upvotes

To all those nodes that deserve them.

Downvotes

I don't downvote. Fear not.

C!s

Thanks to the gift shop I can give a C! to what I feel is your best writeup (assuming I have the XP to spend of course. If not I'll put you and your node on a list and give you the first C! I get. My level fluctuates between two and three, but you shan't be neglected!). I'm also willing give C!s away to those I feel are particularly talented.

Feedback

Writing is risk, I cannot emphasize this enough. If you want an audit, be warned, I'll not hold back. That said, I'm aware of the difference between criticism and creative criticism. You'll never hear, "You suck and your writing sucks more!" from me. Something so subjective as writing is never deserving of such a comment (except maybe in the case of the two word poems, I hate those fucking things). Instead what I'll do is make suggestions on how to improve your writeup. Hopefully this will be helpful, if it isn't or you disagree you are always free to call me a pretentious blowhard and ignore whatever I say. That's your prerogative. But I'll do my best to help.

Current Noder: jjen.

Forthcoming noder: Mnky

The Riddle

Awards! 1 egg for easy. 2 for medium. 3 for hard. As of now. Past winners fear not! You will get your XP.

Level: 7 Difficulty: Easy

New one coming soon.

Level two: kthejoker says "The answer to your riddle is elements, but there's 118 now." Damn science always moving on.

Level three: rootbeer277 says "The answer is a C!" Yes indeed it is.

Level Four: maxClimb says "RE: Riddle 4 - a skull?" You might have gotten it as soon as it was posted, buddy, but the next one will have you scratching you head for ages!

Level Five: TenMinJoe says "War?" You sure did hit the target, TenMin.

Level Six: DTal says "Crabs!" Yep, but not those nice beach crabs.

Level Seven: TenMinJoe says "electricity?" Yeppers.

NODESHELL BOUNTIES

New! Just go to my scratchpad list and look in "Nodeshell Bounties".

Drunk Monks and Drunk Monk associates on E2 (some o' these folks should get up off their lazy asses and write something):

sarabandegreen futilelord Imhran antimemory kelsorama aftereight beaver_fever_06 intravenousants Yakushin

Node well, not nodeshell.

Boring Personal Crap

Sometimes some problems solve themselves if you wait long enough. Did you know most people cause their own problems?

I live in Albuquerque, New Mexico and was born in Silver City, New Mexico in 1985. Albuquerque is an awful place, but New Mexico is very beautiful especially in the far north and low south.

I'm interested in writing of all sorts and am fascinated by how much power words have over us. Such small things and yet some people can't get over them. Swear words offend, political terms try hard not to, and we all have our dislikes and likes.

ZIPPPPP! POW!

E2 is a wonderful place and I am constantly falling in love with nodes I find here. My only real complaint is that the Catbox is irresistible when I'm intoxicated. It ought to have a breathalyzer on it.

CHITTER CHATTER

Don't take me seriously in the catbox because I sure won't take you seriously.

WHIRRRRRRR....

So, I spun the wheel and got two 100 XP bonuses right off the bat and used it to get like 11 or so eggs. It is damn hard to keep your XP at a steady number.

Politically, I am very liberal. Anything goes as long as it doesn't interfere with what I want to do.

My favorite word is bumblebee. It's perfect fit for the animal.

I recently bought my binder back from a reprobate who tricked me into betting it in a game of Lords. I wanted to play him backgammon, but he said he didn't know the game. Apparently my binder costs $13.50. What a deal. It couldn't be worth more than $3.50! Maybe I should have bet my sense of humor instead, because I was saving that $13.50 to help buy my brother back.

kelsorama says "shame, shame, dear. Don't confuse mere playful interest with love. I can see that this is where a lot of your problems arise."
As long as I don't confuse hate with love, I'll probably be all right.

"I hereby declare BookReader the (possibly) nicest and most polite person on E2." -Ancientsnow
Thanks, my dear. I don't believe I've had such a compliment before.

"Burn the bridges you cross, for others can feed their families, pets and consumer lust by building new bridges." -Simulacron3
Good advice, I say.

The Radical Idea Nodes are a fucking plague here on E2. I'm down-voting every one I see. They're not funny, they're too common, and WOW! they've already occurred to others. Do E2 a favor and down-vote the fuckers.

Oh God, here's a good one: Also starring a telephone as "The Telephone"

Yous are all f***ing idiots: At least one man knows how to handle the press.

Are you a gambling man?

Or do you prefer to know how the coin's going to land?

Or do you just like pain?

Read or die:

Beowulf

A Christmas Carol

Desert Solitaire

Ghost in the Shell

The Gunslinger

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

Rise and Fall of the Third Reich

So You Want to be a Wizard

Waiting for Godot

With Malice Toward None

Yat'ah vokc tia vin'de'ee.

I wonder if people read this far down. Hmm. Well, here's some things to do:

Bathroom Push # 12

"The Nippon Push": Sit on the throne with your back straight and your hands on your knees. You get triple points if you can keep your back straight while "pushing".

Devine Trinity

Cayenne
/ \
Garlic Cumin

Fellatio will not save this Relationship.

Ho ho ho, no secrets here:

Your fellow noders (10):
Lord Brawl @
The Debutante $
BookReader
futilelord
SwimmingMonkey
not_crazy_yet
Acropolis
the futilereader
Kazan
N0b0dY

Jeez, my bookmarks are getting out of hand.