Sea Bag Repair Technician is a Marine Corps MOS.
Sea Bags are the waterproof duffels that all Marines are issued in boot camp.
A Sea Bag Repair Technician repairs sea bags, but only if you fill out the proper forms, have them signed off on by your platoon sergeant, platoon commander, company gunnery sergeant, company first sergeant, company commander, battalion sergeant major, battalion commander, regimental sergeant major, regimental commander, division sergeant major, division commanding general, the Sergeant Major of the Marine Corps, the Commandant of the Marine Corps, and finally, Jesus. Unfortunately, Jesus is on leave.
Sea bags cost about $18.
It costs $20,000 to train a Sea Bag Repair Technician from boot camp through the Sea Bag Repair Academy.
It costs $43.32 to ship a sea bag to the Sea Bag repair facility in Antarctica.
It costs $65.37 to ship a repaired sea bag back to its original owner.
Repaired sea bags have a 1:5 chance of being lost in transit.
Sea Bag Repair Technicians are non-deployable.
Sea Bag Repair Technicians are shitbags, as illustrated by this cadence:
"Porno tape in the VCR,
Empty gin bottles in my car,
I'm a real shitbag, I'm a son of a gun,
I'm a Sea Bag Repair ... Tech-ni-shun!"
Not to be confused with the (honest to god) real MOS 1181 Fabric Repair Specialist (or stitch bitch) which was phased out in the 1990s.