Doctor jokes

Doctor Jokes

• Did you hear about the latest birth control pill for men?
  It changes your blood type.

• You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of a laxative, tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

• A man dies and goes to heaven. He keeps on seeing this person walking around wearing a white robe and a stethoscope. So he asks the nearest archangel who that is.
  Gabriel replies: "Oh that. That's God. He thinks he's a doctor."

• This woman goes to her dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his crotch. The dentist says, "Madam, I believe you've got a hold of my privates."
  The woman replies, "Yes. Now, we're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we?"

• This guy goes to the doctor for a checkup, and after some tests, the doctor comes in with a grave look on his face.
  Doctor: Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news.
  Guy: Well, give me the really bad news first.
  Doctor: You have cancer, and only 6 months to live.
  Guy: And the bad news?
  Doctor: You have Alzheimer's disease.
  Guy: Thank God. I was afraid I had cancer!

• This 82-year-old man married a 22-year-old woman and they decided that they wanted to have kids. So after trying for a while with no success, he went to see the urologist, pretty discouraged. The urologist said not to get discouraged and that they could run some tests. "Take this specimen jar into the bathroom and leave me a specimen to test," the doctor said.
  The old man closed the door, and about an hour and a half later, still had not come out. The doctor came by and asked, "Are you alright?"
  "No" the old man said. "This just isn't going to work." He dejectedly explained, "There's no hope for me, I've worn out my left hand, I've worn out my right hand, I've run cold water over it, and I've run hot water over it. I've even thumped it on the edge of the sink. But no way can I get the top off this specimen jar!"

• Mrs. Stetner, a 70-year old woman, went to the doctor. "Doctor," she said, I have a terrible problem! I fart constantly. Fortunately, they are silent and have no smell, but it's annoying me terribly." The doctor examines her for several minutes, and tells her, "Here, take these pills and come back this time next week."
  The following week, she returns and furiously marches into the doctor's office. "Doctor, what have you done? I'm farting just as much, but now they stink horribly!"
  "Now, now, Mrs. Stetner," the doctor replied, "we've cured your sinuses, now we have to work on your hearing."