Last night I freaked out.
My tonsils are exploding again. They're getting large, always the right one bigger than the left one. The lymph nodes in my neck are making my neck look like I have neck implants. I am exhausted, and I have not done anything yet.
The last time this happened, my life dragged behind me like a shackled ball. I lost over 10 pounds of weight. I really don't have that much to lose, I'm closer to skinny than average weight; people curse me for my metabolism. That happened because my tonsils were so large that they got in the way of eating. Eating food became a chore. Every swallow was a stabbing pain, like I was swallowing glass, or obsidian.
Today I went to Health Services on campus. I swabbed my tonsils myself, since there is some puss forming on them (the first time this condition showed up, the strep test came back negative, even though there was a lot more puss). Then I had two vials of blood taken for lab cultures and mono test (the mono test came back positive last time, maybe this is a recurring condition?). It had been a while since I have giving blood, so I forgot to breathe. I became light-headed pretty quickly. My human body, failing on me in more ways than one.
I'm prayer that the cause will be revealed, or won't be as bad as last time. So far, I have been gargling 3 to 4 times per day, and I am soon getting an antibiotic to counteract the strep. I also plan to meditate every night before I sleep.
Last night, I meditated, and it was quite a spiritual experience. The vinyasa breathing was intense, the sound was immersive, nothing like I've felt before. After my session, I had the strong urge to open the bible which was recently given to me by my therapist. I opened it to a random page, Psalm 77 came up, which mentions meditation. I read it, and was finally calm.
I'm usually not religious, though it has seemed to have been growing in me recently, and it feels good.
I don't see why I should stop here.