Say, let me tell you about
open mike night at your local
comedy club. I'm deadly serious when I say this: It's easier than it looks. No really. I'm a horrible
public speaker to begin with. But I've done open mike stand up half a dozen times. Not fully sober, mind you. More about that later. If you've always had a secret yearning to do open mike night at a comedy club, listen up. Do some
intel. Visit a comedy club a few times. Take a long hard look at acts at a comedy club and the people that go to comedy clubs. What you realize is 1) the jokes aren't that funny 2) people are laughing at jokes that aren't that funny.
Why?
Crowds in comedy clubs are a
self selected bunch. They want to laugh. Ever see a movie at a theater you thought was really funny and laughed like hell but your significant other didn't laugh once when you rented it? You got that kind of effect going.
People who go to comedy clubs want to laugh so much they'll pay some outrageous
cover charge to sit in a basement
venue that couldn't support any other form of drinking establishment unless they moved said establishment near a university with a strong undergraduate
chemistry program. Here's the key. Those people WANT to get their money's worth. So they'll be happy to laugh at anything, especially if they're a bit
drunk.
Also bear in mind, you're not going to be up on stage for half an hour. Most open mikes have lots of comedians and you're lucky to get 4 minutes. Anyone who harbors any secret open mike comedy fantasy has AT LEAST 4 minutes of passably
funny material.
Okay so your stuff is
passably funny. Just make sure you have it down pat. And start with your best jokes first. If you get laughs with your best jokes, it calms your
stage fright and pumps up your ego. If you get no laughs with your best stuff, well, be thankful it's only 4 minutes out of your life. A long 4 minutes. But whatever.
It's best if you have a couple drinks before going up on stage. Don't go up drunk or
high. Just enough that your
inhibitions are lowered. If it's your first time doing open mike, you might get called up on stage
ASAP. The new meat tends to get thrown out first. So start drinking early. You don't get paid for open mike but many clubs will give you cheaper drinks. Also plunk yourself down with the other open mike comedians. You won't find a nicer, more supportive bunch of people. Outside the dark little corner you're all huddled in, these open mike comedians are probably washouts as human beings, and hands down you'll find more than one
date rapist among them. But in that little timid mass, it's friendly and supportive, like a small group of strange women all trying on bathing suits. One of those women could be Osama bin Laden and you're not going to care as long as Osama doesn't say anything bad about your
tummy fat, you're not going to say anything bad about him not being a woman and in fact him being the most wanted terrorist on the planet.
Oh oh your name has been called. The host, usually a real
comedian, might compliment you even if he/she has never met you. Up next we have a really funny lady... The real comedians are on your side too. Ain't that great? There's so much supportive love in the room it's a god damn wonder you don't sever your ties to your real family, shave your head, sell all your worldly goods, and take up with these people in some little UFO
cult, making web sites for
car dealerships until such time as a
comet makes its way into the solar system and that's your go signal to shed your
meat container so you can join the
lizard people on Zeti Ridiculon IV.
Now it's like the moment of truth.
Fear is not an option at this point. It's now like
skydiving. You have to jump. There are people behind you waiting. You can't get out of their way. You just go.
Up on stage, you'll notice you can't see anyone. If you can see some people, just stare into the
stage lights. They'll soon go away and stop being a bother. Listen for the laughs. It's a good feeling. Watch for the little
signal flare that tells you your time is over. Now say something like "Oh that's my time. Thanks!" Get off the stage. Go sit with the other comedians. They'll tell you supportive things.