Dear
Everything2,
I am writing
on behalf of my good friend, the word '
Die.'
He's a word you see, so he can't type. He hopes to one day obtain the kind of
autonomy that
Dai-un had, but for now I'll have to type for him. My friend
is very
disturbed, and even somewhat
hurt over the fact that people are always
so
mad at him, and insist on viewing him as
something bad. You see, according
to him, an
acceptance of death is nothing other than an
affirmation of life.
He is also tired of being associated with
Windows crashing. He would like to
state for the record that he has nothing to do with
Microsoft Corporation, or
any of its
subsidiaries. He also has nothing to do with the
cube with
dots
on it. That die will
roll over for anybody.
He is also tired of all the
cut-and-paste writeups that
appear in this
node. Nobody asked him to use his
name. He will give everybody
permission to use his
name, but he regrets that it was given
after the fact.
Be grateful. Trust me; you don't want to
incur his wrath.
However, my friend
Die is trying to be
reasonable.
He understands the whole
death thing, and the fact that
languages have
nouns
and
verbs and all those things, so certain words are tied together.
Fine.
He is willing to come to grips with
the way things are. As a compromise, he
would like to see all the
facets of his personality appreciated. He has many
good things to offer, and, according to your
religion of choice, he may also
be responsible for your
rebirth. As a result of all this, and after
eons of
careful consideration, he has suggested the following
additional uses of his
name:
In general, it is almost as
versatile as the word '
poop',
another often
maligned word. Proponents of the word
Die use it daily, and
they use it often. The word
Die's first major supporter was my dear friend
Robert
Dowden, who lived in
Wright Hall with me, during my freshman year at
UConn.
On days when he had only afternoon classes, he would still have to get up
early
to open the
Engineering Computer Labs, and on returning to the dorm, he would
shout "
DIE!" Now, Rob is a
big dude. Tall. Large
lung capacity.
When he shouted "
Die!", it reverberated around the dorms in
Northwest
Quadrangle, waking up anybody that happened to be asleep. When I would
hold
up the line at the
ice tea machine, he would sneak up behind me and shout "
Just
Die!", which usually resulted in me dropping my tray, thus
freeing up
the line once more.
In closing, I would like to state that the uses of
Die
are
many-fold.
Use them often, and above all,
use them wisely.
Yours Truly,
artemis entreri (on behalf of the word
Die)