The more
power we lend to the
idea of
rape as the "worst thing that can happen to a woman" the more powerful angry men (and women) who are likely rape people will feel. Rape is bad, but it is not the worst crime:
it is not murder. It is a form of
assault that, due to our cultural biases about
sex, may to lead to great and lasting
emotional trauma for the
victim.
I have a good
male friend who has considered rape as a reasonable option for "getting back” at a
woman who
cheated on him and then left him. Since he was good friend, he was able to tell me how
angry he was. I comforted him and told him he had a right to feel angry. I also pointed out that hurting the woman wouldn’t really make anything better or make him feel any better. After talking some more, he agreed with me—and let the notion go. He seemed to feel better since he’d talked about it.
Later he told me that he had tried to talk about it with another friend and she was so
shocked and angry that she still would not speak to him. (!) This made him feel even more
alienated and
angry. He said that the fact that I listened gave him the chance to really think about what he was saying, and to feel
vindicated in his anger without needing to act in revenge. This is how I know that attempting to
stamp out all evidence that some people have such
urges only makes the problem more
ugly.
I am perplexed by the nearly
hysterical reaction some people have to the idea of rape. I say it is “hysterical” because in comparison to assault or murder it seems somewhat
out of proportion. That is, I think, a remnant of the times when a woman who was not a
virgin was thought unfit for marriage. I am perplexed by the emphasis some
feminists place on rape as a “
crime against women” this only continues to reaffirm the notion that women are primarily valuable as
sexual chattel rather than as people?
I have exposed these views on rape since I was 16 or so. (Often getting in
arguments with my peers.) Depending on my line of
argument I’ve been threatened and on more than one occasion someone has said “
I hope someone rapes you, then you’ll learn to be more sensitive!!”
Well, oddly enough that wish came true, last year…
I was raped by three men I don't know. “
Gang Rape”
I am bitter and angry:
But I have not changed my views. I asked the detective to treat the case as "
poisoning and
assault" (they put
something in my drink, then picked me up in the parking lot.)
I told the
police that I don't believe in "
sex crimes" only in assault and was very proud of myself for
standing up for the things I believe in.
I’m not a
ruined woman. And won’t let anyone
mourn me as if I were.