6:37pm
I'm at work. A bit anxious about tonight. It's pool night and I'll be seeing Sara there. I guess I should be able to find out tonight what degree of interest she has in me. As I've been thinking about it, I've been beginning to think she's just interested in being friends. I really wish I could talk to someone about it, but I'm waiting for one of my friends to bring up the subject, since they have been unusually quiet about it. I've been interpreting this as a bad sign. I've assumed that this means they've all talked about it and are avoiding the topic because they don't want to burst my bubble. I don't know.. Maybe I'm just being paranoid.
Today about 10 people got laid off at work. This has never happened here before. I guess the effect from the drop in the stock market has finally hit here. I'm in a secure position, but I feel bad for those who had to be let go. Most of them haven't had any work to do in a month anyway.
Not really sure what else to write about right now. I'm feeling too anxious to let my mind wander much. I'll certianly have more to add later tonight after the pool event.
12:30pm
Well, my impression after tonight is that we're headed toward the "let's just be friends" situation. She hugged me when I showed up and when I left, but it seemed more like a short friendly hug than a "i've missed you because I'm interested in you" type of hug. We were at different pool tables, and she looked over at me a few times. She smiled once when I looked at her for a slightly longer-than-usual time. When I hung around her table, she didn't really come over and hang out by me like she did last week. Oh well. I'm not going to stick my neck out any further. If she's interested, the ball's in her court now. I want an obvious sign if I'm going to go any further.
I've been thinking about other things too the past few days. She mentioned a few days ago that she is getting together with a guy this weekend to go hang out, and she repeatedly mentioned how busy she is going to be and how she has big plans. All of my friends have suddenly been suspiciously quiet about asking about her. I think I'm being left in the dark. I don't know who I should ask what's going on (if anything). Sometimes I wonder if she just wanted to find a way to see a movie and go to the circus for free. She doesn't seem like the type of person who would do that though.
Now that I think about it, she totally ignored me at the circus. Sometimes I wonder if this one guy is a factor in the situation. He is a member of our pool group, and he was in a very unusually distracted and detached mood when we all got together to go to the circus. He knew that I just took Sara to a movie, and he seen her holding the rose I gave her. I wonder if he is interested in Sara, and she knows this, and was perhaps avoiding being too close with me because she didn't want to further worsen his negative mood. I asked CR about why he was acting that way and got a very vauge answer. This same person was talking with her quite a bit tonight.
To try to find a positive angle on this, I'll say that it's possible that she just doesn't want to be too close with me while this other guy is around, but that's just my recently acquired optimism trying to gain an edge over my pessimism. However, right now my pessimism is winning the fight.
I was frustrated when I left the pool hall, leaving before nearly everyone else. I quickly drove back to my apartment, got in my gym clothes and went to the gym, to have probably the most intense workout i've done so far. I burned 780 calories in one hour, and spent the second hour on the weights. I'm going to be sore tomorrow. Right now, I don't care.
I have school tomorrow. I must sleep. It should be interesting to come back to this and find out how accurate my assumptions are. I can only hope they're wrong.