Talking to someone else on a computer screen,
and it was so...
easy to find the words then. Somehow we drifted to
snow angels, (even then
it wasn't at all what we're talking about, only tens
of thoughts crammed into one sentence). I don't think
I can ever manage that sort of casual transmission of
mass thoughts to you.
'Remember the cold and a steamy house when you
were finished outside? Remember your mom fake bitching
about where you left your soggy stuff? Remember snow
angels? Mine always got messed up, I was never the
most graceful of people.'
'I remember everything.
Snow angels. You're a snow angel. :). Mom made hot
cocoa'
I ain't no angel, believe me. Still,
that is entirely tangential to what was actually
being said.
Lately I have been having difficulty talking to you on
the phone. I always had difficulty and it's the dumbest
thing, how I can talk so easily when I am face to face
with you, but through wires, the phone or computer,
somehow with you I cannot manage to condense anything I
want to say into any semblance of coherence.
Is it because the thoughts are too jumbled? Is it because
they're too lucid and bulky? Because I
can't manage any flippant angel remarks,
without feeling ridiculous? I would feel ridiculous,
because that's not at all what I even want to say, not
too much and not too little, just nothing I'd ever think
of saying and you'd know, you would, that it wasn't
me and it was all wrong and I would still not have told
you anything that hinted at what I was trying to say.
'Hi'
'Hi'
'Uhm...'
(pause)
'Yeah,
so, hi. Whassup?'
I don't want to say something meaningless like
that, You're an angel ,(and in context, it wasn't meaningless at
all) I'm just trying, always aiming for a short
sentence that doesn't have to be true but will say
what I'm trying to say.
Like so:
'I'm coming over soon and I WILL KIDNAP YOUR
SOUL.'
That's right.