I sit here watching the seconds tick by on the
digital clock in my
systray. It's approaching
midnight - the end of the day, at least by the standard definition. To me, there's a couple more awake hours to go before I shut my eyes.
But tonight is different.
I feel strangely detached from reality. Normally, my mind is abuzz with thoughts and feelings: What am I doing tomorrow, am I going out on Friday night, what shall I get Jennae for a 21st present, what shall I wear tomorrow, should I get my burner working under Linux ....
Tonight there is nothing - no thoughts, no feeling. It's like a void - a very strange feeling for me. No rapid fire thoughts, no emotions. I'm not feeling empty, just feeling the absence of something and the more I send out my feelers across my pysche probing here and there, the less I can determine. There is something out there in my sub-conscious like an itch I cannot scratch, like a task I have forgotten to do ... but it eludes my grasp.
This void can probably be best summarised as a lack of ambition and desire. As someone who is normally driven and focused, this is a very weird and quite honestly an unsettling feeling for me. I simply don't feel like doing anything at the moment. I think I need more time to reflect on this state.
The seconds have just reset to zero. As have the hours and minutes. It is now the 16th.