Now until very recently, I, sad to say, had the following belief of what would happen if I walked into a gym. I assumed that for me, a Fat Bastard, to enter such a place would be like Clint Eastwood walking through the swing doors of the saloon in a spaghetti western. That the receptionist would freeze mid-polish of glass or glass equivalent, all the meatheads would sit bolt upright on the bench mid set, the cadaverous looking women would stop pedalling their spin bikes, and some poor slob would comedically be run backwards off the treadmill. They'd all stare at me, incredulous that such a land beluga would enter their sacred ground, and then one of them would say something pithy and derisive and everyone would laugh. Possibly followed by someone else being all "we don't like your kind in here, get stuffed."
This does not, in fact, happen, other than in the fevered imaginations of people who want to become less blubberish, but are afraid of it.
But I do get why people think it does. Unfortunately, for better or worse, any sort of fitness influencer (fitfluencer?) in current year will insist on leaning into a sort of mortifying the flesh attitude towards things. That, or cover themselves with repeating "do you even lift?" style memes. They seem to go out their way to almost alienate the people who ideally are in need the most of being influenced towards fitness. But then again, this is because they are aiming their artillery at fellow fitness enthusiasts, usually to sell them designer leggings or tanktops with belt-hitching slogans on them, or other Instacrap friendly shite. Or even their own OnlyFans. There's also the constant appearance in films of PE lessons being the number one source or location of school bullying as well. I thought it might be like this. I'm not very good with people myself, and I get self conscious when trying new things. However, you have to remember that films, novels, and above all peoples' tales of woe on Reddit or X, formerly Twitter are often exaggerated for clicks or sympathy.
In reality, you take up going to the gym while being fat, and honestly, nobody will be upset. Not one bit. Yeah, you'll occasionally get some knobber making snide comments but he's the sort of afterbirth who would make snide comments even if you were capable of benching thrice your own weight, running a mile in three minutes, and catching a speeding bullet in your teeth. Ignore him. Most people, once they get into a gym, are focused on exactly one thing, and that's what they're doing right now. Getting through a session. In fact, some of the older meatheads I have found seem more interested in encouraging, not deriding, you for attempting lifting while fat.
And there's a damned good reason for that. You see, that brick wall of a man grunting fit to burst while hexbarring 250 kilograms? Or the lean girl going at it like the clappers on the rower? Or the chap yanking at the cable machine while exhaling like a steam train? For all you know, five to ten years ago they probably were, like you, a Fat Bastard. This especially applies to the older meatheads. They, like you, probably found that modern society with its endless empty calories and the fact that most people work piloting a desk, was making them flabberous and ineffectual. Or they were the classic "weakling weighing 98 pounds." They, like you, though, made a decision to not be like that. And so they will respect you for trying.
Or, as a wise man once said, who cares if you can't lift heavy or run fast or swim efficiently, you're still ahead of the imbecile who's still yet to get off the sofa. Maybe look at it like that.
Then there's the other source of gym anxiety. The idea that it's some sort of penance, or punishment. The idea that it's something you do to mortify the flesh. I was guilty of believing this also before. It really is not. Exercise isn't a punishment or a duty. Think of it as a celebration of what your body can do. About a couple weeks back I hex bar deadlifted 110kg for sets successfully for the first time. This is not a massive amount in the grand scheme of things, but it's significant. I legitimately shouted out "bloody hell" after I did that. Not because of the effort in so doing, but because of the surprise at me previously not thinking I could do it at all, but being able to do it. Similarly, I did the 5 kilometre charity swim in May this year and approached it not as an "oh God, why" experience but an, "I bet I can do this, no problem" experience. And I did. In 2 hours 7 minutes if you must know. That's not as fast as I did it in 2011 but that was 12 years ago and I was both 12 years older and quite a bit fatter than when I did it then.
You also don't need to concern yourself with ludicrously detailed workout programmes or exercise / supplement fads, or why you shouldn't do X exercise before Y, or weird supplements or similar. We'll cover that in due course as well. BELIEVE THAT.
Honestly, the gym is not a scary place. It might look it, but it really isn't. At the end of the day, you're not in competition with everyone else who goes. You are doing it for you. Yes, you will encounter annoying bellflaps who will scoff at your efforts. They have no cause to. Most of the time people will respect you for making the effort to improve your lot in life because they've all been there. You also won't be scoffed at for turning up in something other than branded designer athleisure gear. I go in a heavy metal T-shirt, a pair of short shorts, and some walking boots (because they're super comfy and grippy and I have annoyingly large feet). One very wiry looking chap in my gym who's training for a marathon turns up in his biggest T-shirt from the days when he was morbidly obese as a reminder of how much he's improved since then.
In our next instalment, we'll discuss fatlogic.
(IRON NODER 2023 #18)