June 18, 2004

Really now, hey. I was originally going to hold off posting anything until I had a right and proper write up going, sort of start off with my best shot at this, but (at 5:30 am inspiration strikes and) I figured a daylog would be a relatively low impact way to introduce myself and get some text down. I've been lurking for a few months, well over half a year, and finally felt compelled to add a daylog entry after reading VgameT's entry yesterday (though it still seems like today) when I realized that there's definately people here I can relate to.

(If you would like to skip the sentimental crap, go ahead and scroll to the bottom.)

My day too began with rain. When the alarm went off at 11 am and they were debating some September 11th stuff on NPR (iirc), it was against my better judgement that I decided to get up. My window shades were dimly lit, and I had figured that soon the sun would be out full and shining, and I could enjoy the comfort of the internet on my back porch thanks to the aluminum and cardboard parabola I had constructed the day before to increase/concentrate the wifi coverage through the house. After I poured my first glass of sun tea for the day, I realized that it was not to be. The rain started pouring and I was stuck inside, as laptops and rain generally make a bad mix.

Lunch time came and it was in loneliness I sat at my kitchen counter, poking around on AIM and considering lunch. My parents and siblings were out (father working, mother with company, sister at school, and brother... well who knows where he goes). Lunch is quite the chore as I have a habit of screwing up about every dish I touch, and my culinary expertise only extends as far as the microwave. This isn't too bad because out of a family of five, it turns out I'm the only one who hasn't taken a liking to cooking.

I decided to take a risk with my lunch and pulled out the good old bag of Mrs. T Pierogies and went to work. It turns out I am capable of boiling things. And it was there I sat for a few hours listening to the Slip and eating my pierogies. Time passed, pierogies were been eaten, and DDR was eventually played. On the verge of passing out, I took a shower and lazily stretched out on my unmade bed.

Now laptops are dangerous things, and ever since I had gotten mine, burning time on E2 in the reclined state has been one of my favorite past times. On lesser keen days I remember waking up late into the afternoon, reading nodes and following links all the way into the night, and then falling asleep again, barely leaving the bed. E2 seems to have piqued my interest and sucked me in, something that I haven't had happen since the early days of the net. Today, it was only a few hours I had browsed, looking up nodes on everything I could, scrawling node ideas I eventually planned to write up, and then wondering when exactly I was going to join and actually write these things.

Well it turns out that'd it'd only be twelve hours later when after a half a year of lurking, that I'd finally have my own account.

Thus, I figured a daylog would be most appropriate as today marks two important occasions for me, and hopefully this will be a good anchor point that I can use to remember it. Of course the day I finally decided to join the ranks of E2 and contribute, and also the day that I graduate High School... probably both subjects that many Everythingians can relate to through direct personal experience. However I guess that doesn't leave me with much to say that hasn't been said, however I'm really hoping that graduating is worth it in the long run. (More like, I'm really hoping that my high school is still around in the case I do try to further my education.)

I'm all set up with enrollment at Michigan Tech for the fall, so I intend to use this last summer vacationing and noding. Thanks everyone for everything (literally)-- all the nodes that I have read and have yet to read, the ones that have helped me through the bad and made me laugh and that have motivated to take this step. I shall hope that I will be able to provide my best to you all (though it will only be a very small fraction of what you have collectively provided for me).

please don't lynch me because I haven't typed up something grand in my home node, that's coming soon, I promise! I just need some ... sleep...

Looks like it's script day today. Well, here I am again at work. I thought I'd write a little film script to keep me amused. Just the one scene, I might actually produce this if I ever have the time and access to a spare office.

Freakout

Begin Intro sequence. (screen text: Monday - fades up and out) Fade up on an empty office. The room is dark, with some sunlight just streaming in through the closed blinds. Papers are scattered over the messy desks. Dust hangs in the air, it is early morning. Slowly workers start to drift in, greeting each other with a bored familiarity. We fade through to a shot of a young male worker sitting on a crowded, but silent bus. He is sitting with an expression of tired boredom. The bus pulls in to the stop outside the office building. Cut to the worker getting in the lift and travelling to the Xth floor. Cut to the worker entering the office, turning on the computer and flopping into his chair. End intro credits.

Gav: Mornin' all...

Workers: *mumbled greetings*

We see the day going past, Gav sits in virtually the same position as the world flys around him.

Gav: (voiceover - as if thinking) I wish I could feel alive again... Every emotion within me has been sapped by this nightmare. If only I had the balls to do something.

The day ends, workers drift out mumbling unenthusiatic goodbyes.

Repeat workday sequence, the day changing to Tuesday.

Repeat morning sequence (Screen Text - Wednesday) up till Gav is sitting at his desk with everything going on around him.

Gav: (voiceover) Slowly, slowly they start to grate. Each simple action, day after day... It creeps up on you, the anger. You can't stop it, only slow its growth. One day, one day you will snap.

The action around Gav slows to a normal pace as he stands up, slowly and deliberately. He wheels his chair across the office towards his boss's desk. The boss is facing towards his computer and has not noticed Gav.

Gav: GODDAMMIT! Every freakin' day is the same! Pointless activities for the sake of incompitents who could'nt care less!

Gav picks up the chair bringing it to shoulder height as his boss turns around, noticing him.

Boss: Gav, could you be quiet, I'm trying to work out why my AOL is broken. I think my internet is down.

Gav: RRRAAAUUUGGHHH!!!

Gav brings the chair down violently onto the back of the boss's head, crushing it.

Gav: No more, you bastards!

Picking up the monitor on the desk, he hurls it at the nearest worker watching it explode from the impact. Another worker, standing by the water cooler is smashed face first half way through the window in the door, almost severing their body in half. Blood is splattered over the room, Gav and the other workers in enormous globs. Tearing a leg from the severed worker, Gav procedes to beat the last person in his section into a bloody mess before throwing the legs down the office into the next section.

Gav: Work they say.... earn a living... be a respectable member of society... grow up, get a wife, kids and a drinking problem... try to numb yourself to the pain within.... take the pills and everything will be better.... I DON'T WANT THE FREAKIN' HAPPY HAZE ANYMORE MAN!

Gav: I'm not going to sit here and rot for the rest of my short life. I want to live!

With these words, Gav leaps onto a desk and throws himself through the glass window. Slow motion as he falls towards the unforgiving concrete below. We watch his bones break as he crashes violently into the ground, dying instantly. Cut back to the office, blood is everywhere, dead or dying workers litter the ground. A worker from another section walks down the office to go to the water cooler. In his numb midday state he does not even notice the dead on the ground, choosing to step over them without seeing. Work continues...

Fade out to black.

The End.

Sorry, I got bored and frustrated at work. You've got to have an outlet somewhere. Have a nice day!

"Someone with blue eyes admires you."

"Oh God," I thought as I struggled to simultaneously conceal my little white strip of destiny and my reddening cheeks.

"What?" He asked innocently, having read aloud his own mediocre fortune and tossed it into the remains of his tofu vermicelli.

"What does it say?" His bright, icy blue eyes peered at me through the graceful curves of his too-long white lashes, and I could feel them searching my own hazel depths for whatever was making me blush. I turned a brighter shade of red and stammered a reply.

"Oh, it was the same lame one I always get...In the kingdom of the blind the one-eyed man is king."

He didn't notice me shoving my thin slip of hope into the back pocket of my jeans as we rose to go pay at the counter.

Conversations with Dylan

(The dissemination of truth and other vagaries)

d says: (12:40:50 PM) so did you catch that toe bin articla*?
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:41:09 PM) did I! i read it a bit ago, i just wanted it for jeremy to read
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:41:13 PM) and read he did!
d says: (12:41:32 PM) i like the part about him 'not drinking anymore, but not necessarily being against it'
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:41:32 PM) scott tobin? more like: scott what a fucking retard
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:41:36 PM) now THATS humour!
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:41:47 PM) dude, i cant even picture tobin not drunk
d says: (12:41:56 PM) haha
d says: (12:42:59 PM) it was so funny, i felt guilty for laughing at it almost because it read more like some special needs kid getting his in some psuedo creative medium type shit
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:43:08 PM) yeah, i know!
d says: (12:43:08 PM) like IWK* should have been there or something

Notes:

• Toe bin articla: deformation of tobin article, a reference to a hilarious article regarding Scott Tobin, a fellow oft snapt 'pon in our circle of acquaintances and cronies.
• IWK: The Isaac Walter Killam hospital, a children's hospital in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada.

Mundus vult decipi says: (12:43:16 PM) i think the author of the article is just as bad as tobin though
d says: (12:43:25 PM) hahaha
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:43:26 PM) it must be mmmmmmaaaaaaaaaad easy to get a job at a shitty paper* like that
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:43:36 PM) fucking journalism idiots
d says: (12:44:05 PM) i would hate being a journalist... it would be an even harder role to fake than this waitering biz.
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:44:14 PM) haha
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:44:21 PM) you could do something like bart's people* though
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:44:30 PM) real homespun yarns
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:44:42 PM) no, dylan reader's* pick of the litter!
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:44:47 PM) it will be in the pets section
d says: (12:44:49 PM) i'm limited in the amount of ways i am able to communicate to most humans. and the amount of humans i can communicate with is even more limited ...
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:44:55 PM) youll picka pet each week to highlight
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:45:01 PM) hahahahahahahaha
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:45:14 PM) thats being quoted on my homepage thing on everything2 right now.
d says: (12:45:31 PM) haha, up'
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:45:45 PM) catchin reck
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:45:46 PM) zorz
d says: (12:45:49 PM) yea, Reader spotlight feature on domesticated animals.
d says: (12:45:54 PM) this week, the farret
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:46:01 PM) haha the chinchilla!
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:46:11 PM) forgotten rabbit? or cuddly marsupial?
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:46:21 PM) dylan reader with the exclusive story!
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:48:51 PM) ferrets stink

Notes:

• shitty paper: The Daily News, a terrible news paper in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada; notorious with me for its insistence on hiring the bottom layer of journalism students from the local journalism programs. (This is more from personal experience than any 'objective' analysis of their hiring procedures, mind you).
• Bart's people: A Simpsons reference (how cutting edge); refers to an episode where Bart becomes a Kidz news anchor, and starts playing to the crowd with a human interest segment entitled 'Bart's people'
• Dylan Reader: The Dylan of the titular 'Conversations with Dylan'. I find the last name amusing.

Mundus vult decipi says: (12:48:56 PM) so what up wif a reader tonight
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:48:57 PM) ?
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:48:59 PM) today
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:49:00 PM) whatever
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:49:03 PM) wanna fight about it?*
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:49:30 PM) http://www.everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=1249686
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:49:33 PM) yer name in tights
d says: (12:49:38 PM) i should go out and catch some of this vitamin d while it's pumping... but i'm getting warez!!!!!!!!!!
tinyte, twerk.
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:49:53 PM) i hate when people pronounce it juarez
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:49:57 PM) actually i kinda like that
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:49:59 PM) never mind
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:50:43 PM) what juarez is you zorzing?
d says: (12:51:44 PM) 0day wears epha.
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:51:49 PM) holla
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:51:55 PM) im bout this negative day wares
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:52:02 PM) fuckin take that shit before its even finished
d says: (12:52:11 PM) uhh, what's here? ... metal gear soundtracks, new beasties, ghostface, some shits...
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:52:16 PM) steady locin' * at these corporate headquarters
d says: (12:52:21 PM) haul yeas
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:52:25 PM) metal gear, they should make a movie
d says: (12:52:43 PM) i know, that game is amazing.
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:52:51 PM) i hate playing games like that on playstation though
d says: (12:52:57 PM) art, music, play, characters.
d says: (12:53:00 PM) yea
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:53:01 PM) i find the controls too clumsy, it would be sick on a computer
d says: (12:53:14 PM) i didn't even mind, i played the fuck out of it, and the VR missions.
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:53:17 PM) like 13, for instance, was waaaaay harder on ps2
d says: (12:53:20 PM) you get to be the ninja if you beat those.
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:53:21 PM) yeah
d says: (12:53:23 PM) that guys dope.
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:53:23 PM) so good
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:53:27 PM) yer a king*
d says: (12:53:37 PM) yea, 13 on pc forealyis
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:53:39 PM) im psyched to play the new splinter cell
Mundus vult decipi says: (12:53:52 PM) my dad might be coppin it before i come home from one of his pirate type friends

Notes:

• Wanna fight about it?: Family Guy reference (again, very cutting edge stuff here folks). From an episode where Chris gets a job at a driving range and his boss says 'yeah, **a true statement about himself**, so what? wanna fight about it?' three or four times. I'm not sure that Mr. Reader caught the reference, and it doesn't matter; it operates as a satisfactory and jarring faux-violence in any number of bland situations.
• King: not just a note on Dylan's obviously regal qualities, 'king' is also graffiti slang for someone who is famous and up a lot. Decontextualized, 'king' or 'kingin' it' often serve as substitutes for something like 'Good show!' or 'You are very good at whatever it is you're doing'.
• Locin': Pronounced 'loaking' (like smoking). I'm not sure if this is an individual slangism or if it is prevalent elsewhere. In myspeak, it is polysemic. Most often it is used in place of 'chilling', 'lamping', or 'general relaxing'. But, here, I mean it more like 'skulking' or 'lurking'.

d says: (12:54:09 PM) dope
d says: (12:54:20 PM) tell him to get deep blue yo!
d says: (12:54:29 PM) hack ibms like i tell ya heard.
Pontius Pilates/ Judas Priestley says: (12:54:59 PM) haha i have a picture of garry kasparov fighting deep blue on my friendster * shit
d says: (12:55:18 PM) i know it's hot.
Pontius Pilates/ Judas Priestley says: (12:55:21 PM) word
Pontius Pilates/ Judas Priestley says: (12:55:25 PM) you a head*.
Pontius Pilates/ Judas Priestley says: (12:55:48 PM) i should changeup my profile, since im just wasting away in front of the computer
Pontius Pilates/ Judas Priestley says: (12:56:18 PM) ah fuck it, my current shit is worthwhile
d says: (12:56:27 PM) cool, let's syncronize this...
d says: (12:56:28 PM) oh dag
d says: (12:56:31 PM) i was into it
Pontius Pilates/ Judas Priestley says: (12:56:34 PM) alright
Pontius Pilates/ Judas Priestley says: (12:56:37 PM) ill do it then.
Pontius Pilates/ Judas Priestley says: (1:00:11 PM) i say we try and fill up every category until you have to stop typing
Pontius Pilates/ Judas Priestley says: (1:00:13 PM)
d says: (1:00:22 PM) ready
Pontius Pilates/ Judas Priestley says: (1:00:44 PM) do it/bring it
Pontius Pilates/ Judas Priestley says: (1:01:03 PM) man i just typed something hilarious and it fucked it up
Pontius Pilates/ Judas Priestley says: (1:01:47 PM) shits quack
d says: (1:02:08 PM) dagit
Pontius Pilates/ Judas Priestley says: (1:17:11 PM) aight, i'n'i is done irie*
Pontius Pilates/ Judas Priestley says: (1:17:23 PM) i should get some new photos
d says: (1:17:39 PM) are you still coming here at some point ?
d says: (1:17:46 PM) yurd
Pontius Pilates/ Judas Priestley says: (1:17:55 PM) yeah, i just gotta get an apartment for july 1st
d says: (1:18:03 PM) words
Pontius Pilates/ Judas Priestley says: (1:18:54 PM) oh, ps....
Pontius Pilates/ Judas Priestley says: (1:19:01 PM) i was looking on my computer the other day
Pontius Pilates/ Judas Priestley says: (1:19:06 PM) and i found the original huggle* photo
Pontius Pilates/ Judas Priestley says: (1:19:10 PM) in mint condition.
Osvaldo Segura says: (1:19:26 PM) haha
Osvaldo Segura says: (1:19:28 PM) nice

Notes:

• Friendster: www.friendster.com; though I'm sure many if not most of you internet nerds know what friendster is, I'll briefly explain here. It's something of a meet-people-on-the-internet-with-similar-interests sort of website which has, happily, been mutated into something like a put-up-fake-profiles-for-humour type website. When I refer to my 'friendster shit' I mean my profile on friendster.
• head: Common hiphop slang which means, roughly, 'afficianado'. So Dylan, by knowing about my Garry Kasparov picture on friendster, is both a Kasparov/chess head, as well as a me-on-friendster head. It functions either way here.
• I'n'I is done irie: A jumble of rastafarian slang, nothing too clever. After having listened to Capleton for the last few weeks, the Rasta Fari content of my slangery has increased at least one fold. I've been in Zion too long, oddly enough.
• huggle: This is more of an inside joke, which are notoriously annoying when explained, or when left unexplained. I choose to explain half of it. After searching google images for pictures called huggle (for reasons which I will not explain- the missing half...) we discovered, in a drunken and endruggened stupour, a picture of a mediocre to hideous fifty-ish woman hugging a live cougar, apparently in pre-death's sweet embrace. We 'lost our shit', as it were, and huggle entered the internet vernacular from that day to this.

Hornet Death Attack says: (1:22:59 PM) "whatever bubbles bubbles up" "I feel" "bla bla bla bla blazon" "lucas with the lid off*"
Osvaldo Segura says: (1:25:27 PM) hahahaha
Osvaldo Segura says: (1:25:31 PM) slept on that one
Hornet Death Attack says: (1:26:06 PM)
Sara, you are a big fuckiing baby, quit whining, ya baby. says: (1:27:40 PM) whos osvaldo segura?
Osvaldo Segura says: (1:28:45 PM) our man*
Sara, you are a big fuckiing baby, quit whining, ya baby. says: (1:29:06 PM) haha
Osvaldo Segura says: (1:29:27 PM) at least these spammers come up with funny names.
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:29:45 PM) yeah that shit is funny
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:30:00 PM) ive noticed how they keep trying to use words that they think people dont know the meaning of in order to trick them into clicking
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:30:14 PM) like somnambulist, i got that like 15 times
Osvaldo Segura says: (1:30:26 PM) haha
Osvaldo Segura says: (1:30:38 PM) humans get doopt, yawr.
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:30:50 PM) word: mundus vult decipi!
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:30:51 PM)
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:31:05 PM) hahah that email is priceless
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:31:08 PM) in that its worthless
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:31:11 PM) and therefore has no price
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:31:12 PM)
Osvaldo Segura says: (1:31:44 PM) i know, i wonder how they ever make money on shit like this?
Osvaldo Segura says: (1:32:02 PM) or more so, if any one was to make money,... who exactly would it be?
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:32:05 PM) they do it by sending out 9000000000 of them
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:32:13 PM) there are bound to be 10 suckers in there
Osvaldo Segura says: (1:32:13 PM) yea
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:32:14 PM) per day
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:32:18 PM) old people are fucking dumb*
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:32:25 PM) people from the american south are fucking dumb
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:32:29 PM) thats plenty
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:32:30 PM)
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:32:36 PM) people from newfoundland are dumb
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:32:39 PM) cape breton*
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:32:45 PM) northern quebec
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:32:49 PM) etc.
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:32:52 PM) dummaries
Osvaldo Segura says: (1:33:36 PM) it's crazy though... every time they say no credit cards... you need to give a credit card, !!!!!!!!
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:33:46 PM) yeah, they are liars. its so funny
Osvaldo Segura says: (1:33:48 PM) so they can 'lend' you money haha.. crypes*
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:33:50 PM) so much lying!
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:33:58 PM) theyre puting honest liars like me out of business
Osvaldo Segura says: (1:34:08 PM) i just want to physically see one person who falls for this
Osvaldo Segura says: (1:34:11 PM) i want their picture
Osvaldo Segura says: (1:34:16 PM) tattooed on my dork yo
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:34:24 PM) hahaha
Osvaldo Segura says: (1:34:26 PM) honest liars! hat
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:34:31 PM) "physically see"
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:34:34 PM) thats awesome
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:34:43 PM) i laughed out loud twice at that one
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:34:51 PM) im still laughing
Osvaldo Segura says: (1:35:15 PM) seriously, like what does that human look like?
Osvaldo Segura says: (1:35:22 PM) the one who gets dooped...
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:35:24 PM) hahaha
Osvaldo Segura says: (1:35:24 PM) realies.
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:35:34 PM) you should do e-standup
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:35:39 PM) cyberlaffz
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:35:54 PM) go onto like battle.net* and just kick jokes to the gamenerds
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:36:08 PM) thats a whole industry waiting to be cracked open like a virgin oyster yo
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:36:18 PM) "ill be here all week folks"
Osvaldo Segura says: (1:36:20 PM) ok, food prod... peace haha yea.. #dylan* (blunt.net port:666 Topic: how got nabd on some spam?)
Osvaldo Segura says: (1:36:26 PM) 7pm eastern
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:36:27 PM) hahahah
Osvaldo Segura says: (1:36:29 PM) yurd
Osvaldo Segura says: (1:37:16 PM) it would just be me cracking low brows in some channel all day
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:37:17 PM) this new material of yours is great
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:37:21 PM) haha
Osvaldo Segura says: (1:37:28 PM) #low_browsers
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:37:32 PM) "what is the deal...with airline peanuts?
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:37:34 PM)
Osvaldo Segura says: (1:37:37 PM) hahaha
Osvaldo Segura says: (1:37:50 PM) i like that pause...
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:38:09 PM) yeah...its my seinfeld pause
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:38:24 PM) i have a whole seinfeld impression just for that one phrase
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:38:31 PM) i shrug my shoulders a bit and stick out my hands
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:38:34 PM) its quite funny
Osvaldo Segura says: (1:40:01 PM) nice, i'm pout
Osvaldo Segura says: (1:40:03 PM) (ing)
Osvaldo Segura says: (1:40:06 PM) ..
Osvaldo Segura says: (1:40:08 PM) peace
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:40:15 PM) peace
I'm invisible, like I can't be destroyed. says: (1:40:16 PM) son

Notes:

• Lucas with the lid of: mention of failed/Hoffa-like disapparated 'rapper' Lucas, whose album title clearly indicated that his lid was, fortunately, off. A terrible song, a terrible album and a hilarious event generally. Mentioned here only as a filler of comedic space.
• our man: At this point, Dylan has forwarded me a hilarious home mortgage scam email, from his eponymous Osvald Segura. That name is most definitely somnambulist god.
• crypes: The spelling is a common Dylanism. One which I support.
• Fucking dumb: People are fucking dumb. No one is smart. That's how it is.
• Cape Breton: A large island in northern Nova Scotia, Canada. An over-used scape goat for poverty and general provinciality. The list of those who are 'fucking dumb' (old people, southerners, etc.) is a general tongue in cheek use/mention of these kind of stereotypes. (Dylan's current roommate, and my homie, is from Cape Breton, the subject of much fun).
• battle.net: Reference to battle.net, a server which hosted many online games, notably Starcraft and the various Warcrafts. I use it here as a universal indicator of internerdery, the kind Dylan's e-standup act should take advantage of.
• #dylan: I'm sure that 98% of people who go on e2 know the naming conventions of IRC channels, but if you don't, the # in front of dylan here indicates that he is talking about a channel he would create on IRC. A channel I would kill for opz on yo!

Osvaldo Segura says: (7:05:43 PM) i'm back from work just now, and i need a new job like eph*
He was of low birth, and extremely poor. says: (7:05:59 PM) haha word
He was of low birth, and extremely poor. says: (7:06:06 PM) get another bookstore jawn*
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:06:20 PM) haha, that's what lyndall said
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:06:25 PM) go back to that bookstore
He was of low birth, and extremely poor. says: (7:06:33 PM) its a good idea, whend you see lyndalll
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:06:51 PM) i've only seen her a few times since she's been back
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:06:58 PM) none too recent
He was of low birth, and extremely poor. says: (7:07:00 PM) ah
He was of low birth, and extremely poor. says: (7:07:10 PM) I understand your words.
He was of low birth, and extremely poor. says: (7:07:16 PM) How was work?
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:07:38 PM) it's dumb, i hate it there ...
He was of low birth, and extremely poor. says: (7:08:01 PM) i can imgaine, but youre good at it, which makes it worse
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:08:11 PM) i used to be motivated to move up .. now i have and it's like time to move on as well
He was of low birth, and extremely poor. says: (7:08:39 PM) time to move on, into the burning the meatshack* to the ground phase
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:08:48 PM) the only thing motivating me now is money... and i only get one serving shift a week... so, peace*.
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:08:56 PM) haha
He was of low birth, and extremely poor. says: (7:09:00 PM) yikes
He was of low birth, and extremely poor. says: (7:09:01 PM) that sucks
He was of low birth, and extremely poor. says: (7:09:05 PM) make billlz
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:09:44 PM) i know, and it's completely bad managing.
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:10:00 PM) our business just slowed... and they trained 4 new servers
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:10:04 PM) haha, fucks./...
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:10:09 PM) anywho
He was of low birth, and extremely poor. says: (7:10:22 PM) get a cool job that i can take advantage of
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:10:51 PM) i want to learn how to write computer languages
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:11:09 PM) and put all this time invested in computers to some evil means.
He was of low birth, and extremely poor. says: (7:11:27 PM) word, like stealing from oldies and shit
He was of low birth, and extremely poor. says: (7:11:29 PM) or just hacking banks
He was of low birth, and extremely poor. says: (7:11:34 PM) you should be more like bart*
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:12:03 PM) like programs that will take your power bill info and force you to use less while paying the same amount and redirecting the direct payments from banks and shit
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:12:05 PM) i'm kill
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:12:38 PM) i'mAH kill
He was of low birth, and extremely poor. says: (7:12:46 PM) damn
He was of low birth, and extremely poor. says: (7:12:51 PM) thats ingenious
He was of low birth, and extremely poor. says: (7:13:20 PM) it would be funny if you could make someones lights glow at like 59 watts instead of 60, and convert that one watt into cents, and just do it to like 10000 people
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:13:43 PM) yea
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:13:51 PM) i know, get of my grey matter works
He was of low birth, and extremely poor. says: (7:15:43 PM) haha
He was of low birth, and extremely poor. says: (7:15:53 PM) done anything funny lately
He was of low birth, and extremely poor. says: (7:15:59 PM) you should paint burners* more
He was of low birth, and extremely poor. says: (7:16:00 PM) by the way
He was of low birth, and extremely poor. says: (7:16:05 PM) or if you are, you should show me them
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:16:20 PM) i don't do anything worthy of note
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:16:33 PM) and that's the really ness of it
He was of low birth, and extremely poor. says: (7:17:07 PM) yeah youre like me
He was of low birth, and extremely poor. says: (7:17:40 PM) a-noteworthy
He was of low birth, and extremely poor. says: (7:17:56 PM) you know what im doing rightnow?
He was of low birth, and extremely poor. says: (7:18:04 PM) im html formatting the conversation we had earlier today
He was of low birth, and extremely poor. says: (7:18:06 PM) thats what im doing.
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:18:24 PM) hahahahah, you win.
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:18:33 PM) and by win, i mean.. you beat me
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:18:35 PM) at being me
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:18:38 PM)
He was of low birth, and extremely poor. says: (7:18:44 PM) hahah
He was of low birth, and extremely poor. says: (7:18:47 PM) im themost dylan
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:19:07 PM) most dead if you don't step outta my stillz*
I'm the most Dylan. says: (7:19:12 PM) hahaha
I'm the most Dylan. says: (7:19:20 PM) dude, ill leave you where i find you
I'm the most Dylan. says: (7:19:25 PM) check yo swaggah* kid!

Notes:

• eph: A double removed bastardization of 'fuck'. From 'fuck' to 'f' to the phonetic spelling, 'eph'. Obvious, but funny to footnote.
• jawn: A hip hop slangism from around like 2001 or so. Some kids still use it, for me its more an archaism, which is why I like it. It's a general purpose word that meant, originally, a song (a corruption of 'joint' or 'jam', synonyms of 'song'). It moved from that specific meaning to mean something like 'thing' or 'general noun'. Like, instead of saying I liked the movie,I'd say (if I wanted to sound loc'ed out) 'That jawn was aight'. Here I use jawn in this sense, but also because it is nearly homonymous with 'job'.
• the meatshack: Dylan, as is his wont, works at a local chain restaurant called 'Steak and Stein'. From whence we get, 'meatshack'. His current unfortunate occupation is the subject of much displeasure.
• peace: Normally a way to end a conversation, as in: hey, I'm leaving, so peace. But here, it takes on a more dismissie tone. As in, this job is garbage, you ain't finna gonna wanna pay me more? Aight den, PEACE (actually, you'd pronounce it "PACE" with emphasis on the "Ayyy"
• bart: Thankfully, not another Simpsons reference. Here I refer to a Polish friend of Dylan's (Bartok) who is handy with stealing and scammiong and general awesomeness. If we were all as resourceful as the Barts of the world, the world would be terrible/great.
• paint burners: More graffitist lingoisms. To 'paint a burner' is to paint a 'piece' (rather than a throwup or a simple or something along those lines). Which is to say, its a semi-complicated endeavor that is more along aesthetic rather than purely criminal or quantitative lines.
• outta my stillz: This is just funny.
• check yo swaggah: Paraphrase: 'slow your roll' or 'step off, son'. If you check your swagger, you are backing away from a potentially hazardous situation (id es, Dylan rollin up on me with the quickness, gawdsmoak).

Osvaldo Segura says: (7:19:28 PM) let's put on a rap show when you get back
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:19:35 PM) haha
I'm the most Dylan. says: (7:19:36 PM) ok.
I'm the most Dylan. says: (7:19:41 PM) i agree to your proposal.
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:19:41 PM) seriously
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:19:45 PM) they have to let ys
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:19:46 PM) us
I'm the most Dylan. says: (7:19:51 PM) kaiser skillhelm and dj fat wrists
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:19:58 PM) hahaha
I'm the most Dylan. says: (7:20:11 PM)
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:20:21 PM) my name is rip cord!
I'm the most Dylan. says: (7:20:26 PM) kaiser skillhelm was jointly created by me and frankdeluxe though he likes to think he made it up
I'm the most Dylan. says: (7:20:28 PM) rip chord!
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:20:30 PM) r.i.p cord
I'm the most Dylan. says: (7:20:33 PM) thats dope.
I'm the most Dylan. says: (7:20:34 PM) hahaha
I'm the most Dylan. says: (7:20:39 PM) deathmetalrapcore
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:21:01 PM) yea, i'll bring my electric guitar and my didgereedoo.
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:21:15 PM) we'll do qualudes so we're all chill flow
Osvaldo Segura says: (7:21:26 PM) and just dress like we're RIGHT about to fuck hot girls

*Editor's note: This conversation went on for about forty five minutes. It dealt with the intricacies of our live show and how our costumes would look, and our various raisons d'etre yo.