A cautionary tale for people tempted by comestibles of dubious extraction. Also a reminder not to believe anything that comes out of the Chinese Communist Party's face-sewers.
My lungs have felt the agony of the coming of the coof
I've got the Chinese Batclap and that's the sad and sorry truth
I shouldn't have had that 5G tower strapped up to my roof
Now I ain't gonna breathe no more!
(Refrain)
Lordy, lordy, come to Wuhan
Lordy, lordy, come to Wuhan
Lordy, lordy, come to Wuhan
And you ain't gonna breathe no more!
I went one day for lunch at the wet market out there
I had some tasty bat soup and some pangolin hors d'oeuvres
I followed it up with a civet cat baked still in its fur
But I ain't gonna breathe no more.
I got back to my hotel room and that's when it did start
I sat down on the toilet, let off a beefy eggy fart
But when it reached my nostrils it smelt like a treacle tart
Now I ain't gonna breathe no more.
That night in the hotel I was hacking fit to bust
My phlegm was coming out the colour of tetanus laced rust
I knew there was something about that place I could not trust
Now I ain't gonna breathe no more.
I ran off to the hospital but there were no ICU beds
So I stayed at home and stuck the hoover down my throat instead
It filled the bag up with excrescence yellow, blue, and red
And it ain't gonna breathe no more!
I found a quack on Facebook who told me to inject some bleach
I skinpopped with Domestos and snorted in my nostrils each
For good measure I shoved some where I couldn't reach
Still I ain't gonna breathe no more!
Coofed at the wall, the sound was "splat," the bile went spurting high
I thought to myself now this is a horrid way to die
All because I couldn't let endangered species lie
Now I ain't gonna breathe no more!
Now I'm back in Britain and in quarantine for days
And all you gastronomist hear well these words I say
Don't be tempted by the offer of a pangolin entrée
Or you ain't gonna breathe no more!