(Originally noded on November 17, 2000)
Once upon a time, there was a website called
ReplacementPets.com. On one of their pages (http://www.hamsterific.com/Replacement_pets/why.html), they included the following statement:
"How did this all happen?
United under the Lguide.com name, Team Jet Poop some how found time, when not slaving away to increase the value of Lguide.com, to pursue their own private ventures. ReplacementPets.com, Hamsterific.com, and ihatethistown.com are such projects."
It was not us.
Really, we don't know
who they are or how they happened to end up using our
name. There
are non-team-members who we allow to use the name -- the
brother of one of our members uses the name when he plays
Quake online -- but these guys are total mysteries to us. So we decided, hey, maybe we better go down and have a
talk with 'em. Maybe we can try to figure out why they picked
our name...
(Scene: A large, monolithic office building in Silicon Valley. The members of Team Jet-Poop are knocking at the door. A nameplate on the door reads "ReplacementPets.com - A Division of Cyberdyne".)
Todd: I'm gonna
punch their lights out! I'm gonna beat 'em with a
hockey stick!
Patrick: You better
chill, Todd. They might have a good
explanation.
Todd: Who cares? I'm gonna beat 'em with -- with a
pickax, man! A goddamn
PICKAX!
Olivia: We're switching you to
decaf, Todd.
Edward: Hey, did we get the
time zones wrong? It isn't after
closing time here, is it? 'Cause this door is locked.
Phillip: No, we got hours before five. Whoever heard of an
office building where you have to knock on the door to get in, right?
Todd: Pull up the
floor tiles! Club 'em with
bats!
Baseball bats!
Vampire bats! Keep 'em guessing!
Olivia: Jack, you better take
Pixy Stix off the grocery list, too.
(The door opens, and very proper English butler sticks his head out)
Butler: Yes?
Todd: You cannot stand before my
Racquetball Racquet of Death, you flaming
mofo!!!
Olivia: Sorry. It's the
Mountain Dew talking.
Jack: Uh, hi. We're looking for
Ryan Leisinger,
Ken "Hamsta" Brocx, and
Jonathan Grant.
Butler: And you are...?
Patrick: We're
Team Jet-Poop, from
Everything2.
Olivia: To
protect the world from demonization!
Oscar: To unite all
noders within our nation!
Edward: QUIET! Save it for later...
Phillip: We were wanting to find out why they were using our name...
Butler: I see. Wait here, please.
(Butler exeunt)
Jack: Did you see that?
Oscar: A butler. Who the hell keeps a
butler in an office building?!
Todd: I WILL FEAST UPON THEIR
SOULS WITH A
SIDE ORDER OF
JULIENNE FRIES!
Patrick: Todd, you better
chill out now.
Todd: ARE YOU
THREATENING ME?! I AM THE GREAT CORN -- Oww! Leggo!
Olivia: Are you finished?
Todd: Yeah, I'm done, I'm done! Leggo! You're gonna break my
collarbone!
Olivia: Okay, then.
Todd: Damn
cybernetic hand...
Jack: Maybe he's not actually a butler. He could be a
security guard or something.
Edward: Security guards don't wear
tuxedos. Maybe he was--
(The door opens again, and a lawyer emerges)
All: AAAAHH! A LAWYER!
Lawyer: Good afternoon. You were enquiring about the
Team Jet-Poop trademark?
Phillip: Uhh, yeah. We wanted -- hold on. Did you say "
trademark"?
Lawyer: That is correct. Mssrs. Leisinger, Brocx, and Grant have recently applied for and been granted a
trademark on the "
Team Jet-Poop" name and all rights thereto in perpetuity, including related
insignia and
slogans and covering present and future enterprises including, but not limited to:
film,
television,
music,
video game, and
book rights;
professional sports teams;
breakfast cereals;
action figures;
clothing;
charm bracelets;
alcoholic beverages;
exercise equipment;
Christmas ornaments;
pork products;
perfume and
cologne;
greeting cards;
shampoo and
conditioner;
commemorative plates;
collectible trading card games;
automotive decals and
accessories;
Halloween costumes;
web browsers;
diamond jewelry;
amusement park rides; and
inflatable love sheep.
Edward: Wh-What?
Todd: Hey, I thought y'all were just into
replacement pets and
hamsters and stuff, right?
Lawyer: Yes,
replacement pets,
hamsters, and
stuff are also covered in the application.
Jack: So, you...?
Oscar: What does...?
Patrick: Can we...?
Lawyer: Do you have any additional
questions? Or shall we start examining your highly
dubious use of
our trademark?
Olivia: Umm.
(Team Jet-Poop runs away)