The XL Bully is a breed of dog created by crossing the American Pit Bull Terrier with larger breeds such as the Cane Corso, Presa Canario, or similar. It is large, squat, heavily muscled, can weigh up to 60kg, and it loves children, especially with a nice Chianti and some fava beans.
It is, if you haven't already worked out, a dog breed favoured by drug dealers, crims generally, and short angry men who can't keep the milk in the bucket for more than two pushes.
It became popular in the UK during lockdown and because it was seen as a way to have the next best thing to a pitbull, which is banned under the Dangerous Dogs Act. I mean, it basically looks like a pitbull, but scaled up somewhat. Apparently they are also difficult to train. This is a problem when you are parading around a ball of bad tempered fur and violence that weighs more than a lot of grown adults and has absolutely no compunction about violently attacking anyone it doesn't like the look of, and which considers that category to possibly include you. Sometimes they have their ears cropped as well, which is illegal and considered animal cruelty. Apparently this makes them look hard and/or like dogs used for illegal dog fighting (honestly, people who engage in dog fighting are the absolute scum of the earth in multiple ways, but that's another node). But the people who own them still believe that they're their goodest boi who never hurt a fly, and get all shocked Pikachu face when they chomp into a passer by's legs and other extremities.
Actually, let's have a roundup of the enthusiasts of XL Bullys. Like I said, crims and drug dealers, for whom they are status symbols due to their high cost from breeders (most of which have wannabe gangsta names like Beast Mode Bullyz and similar declassé markers) and also find use as debt collectors and lie detectors. And wannabe tough guys, because an ability to wrangle a 60kg mass of malevolent canine apparently makes up for the fact that they made a mess before their last girlfriend even got her baps out. Neither of these demographics give particular attention to the large amounts of training that has to be given to an XL Bully or just what the demands of owning such a dog really are. After all, a dog is for life, not just for looking hard on Instacrap. So what generally happens is, you find these enormous dogs, bred literally for fighting, in the hands of inexperienced or uncaring owners who have no idea what to do with them after they got bored during lockdown and bought a pup, who are sold them specifically because they have a "hardman" cachet, yet who then are prepared to squeal like an un-oiled hinge when their heckin' chonker doggerino murders a child. Yes. This isn't a recipe for disaster, now is it. Surely not. But it was no coincidence that the majority of fatal dog attacks in the early 2020s in the UK were invariably XL Bullys, so much so that certain less charitable persons than myself on X, formerly Twitter referred to them as "the Breed of Peace".
This all came to a head in the summer of 2023 when armed police were raiding a property in East London and the proprietors two XL Bullys launched themselves at the officers and got shot, yet loads of all of a sudden rectally maimed shitbull owners started crying about "Justice for Marshall and Millions" and having a vigil for the cunt beasts as if they were an unarmed sad-eyed teenager savagely beaten to death in the cells by corrupt officers rather than two 60kg biological weapons. I'm sorry but if I launched myself at an armed police officer effectively with a deadly weapon (and the jaws of an XL Bully are very much that; I can give you examples passim ad nauseam) I would expect to be shot. They even had fucking bumper stickers. I've seen the bumper stickers. Yes, they were on a bazzed up German car with a personalised number plate. Yes, the owner was a short steroid user. Yes, I was completely unsurprised by this.
In the autumn of 2023, they were banned as a result of all the above. A bunch of XL Bully owners were aggrieved and decided to have a protest against the ban. The original plan was to have their dogs turn up to the protest as well to prove they were all really harmless ackchually, but that aspect of the protest was dropped because they likely realised that having the banned breed eat a load of its owners (or, as they put it, they didn't want to be faced with an unpredictable situation that might upset their dogs) would not be the best way to change hearts and minds against the ban. I personally found this both hilarious and kind of indicative of the whole trend for XL Bullys.
I'm probably going to get downboats now because apparently I'm being prejudiced or something. I'm sorry, but I don't care. If not wanting to be devoured by out of control attack dogs makes me some sort of little Hitler, then slap my arse and call me Hazelnut the Nazi. As for you, hypothetical angry commenter, there is no shame in seeking medical help with your premature ejaculation issues.
(IRON NODER 2023 #1)