Junkill

ABOVE: Cute little dragon memory stick by Oolong (a gift from Dimview). If it misloads, it'll be a real dragon--my pet skink Andromeda.

Welcome to my HOMENODE
Greetings! This is the Everything2 Homenode for Kellum Johnson. My penname (Enormous John Junkill) is an anagram for my real name, and it is pronounced "JUNK-ill," just like it is spelled (although, if you want to go around pronouncing it as though it were French, zhun-KEEL, I won't mind!). I am a Content Editor around here, so if you are new to Everything2, looking for help and advice, feel free to contact me. If you are wanting to read my work, please see above under "View Junkills Writeups" click on the link and it will take you to a list (in reverse chronological order) of my writings here.

If you would like to contact me about any of my writings on E2, please see the contact information below. If you think you might be interested in signing up for an E2 account, I can help there too!

JUNKILL IS (Like You Asked)
A 44-year old lifetime resident of the Dallas, Texas area. Lucky enough to be born on a very luck-luck-lucky day indeed (same as two other noders of high regard), he currently works as a massage therapist, although his career path has offered such interesting jobs as running a children's clothing store, washing dishes in a hospital kitchen, proofreading, advertising design and tax package layout.

He lives in a house with three cats, two ferrets, and a skink—plus Suzi his beloved Platonic Life Partner. Apart from E2, Mr. Johnson's hobbies include reading, writing, surfing the internet, travel, and music. He is the author of a self-published dictionary of mythological and legendary characters, which is currently awaiting its third edition.

Those wishing to know more about this fellow, are directed to his websites: the serious, hard-working one at http://www.kjmassage.com/, or the sillier one at http://www.kjmassage.com/FunHome.html. His blog is at http://junkill.blogspot.com/ . Address is available through EMAR and phone number (should you need it for some reason) is on his website.

Too Much Good Writing Around Here—Seven Nodes that I Think are Amazing
Father's Day by originalzin
Postcard by brassmule
wildcat by minnow
Maintenant by fallensparks
Why I love Everything2 by Chras4 (although there are a lot of good ones in that node)
London Mayoral Election 2008 by aneurin
9/11 Conspiracy Theories and More 9/11 Conspiracy Theories by artman2003

This is NOT your great-great grandfather's E2!!!
They're new, they're promising ... okay, some of them aren't so new, but there are a few people to keep your eyes on...watch out, they may take this place over!

Museman
Tifrap
Scaevola
Morkel
jessicaj
Big Furnka
santo
AspieDad
Ancientsnow
annola
Calgon
Etgar
Poot
SubSane
Pandeism Fish
Mouesh
NailBiter
cliopatria
Meldon
Ookami
Ariloulaleelay
Misterfuffie
brilliantnut
Scientist
Kliment
grayevenings
wonton
switchfoot
Evilmoxie
seagulltheme
Condoriano
poetic
fairyplain
LawNerd13
semiq
Mortuorum Dialogi
Behelit
Allsorts
Spark Gap
Holizz
Salamosam
alowercaseq
endperform
present
Scunner
e-lainey
Little Tiger
Sagredo
savpixie
forfeit
personne
Vidwan
Cameron101
Eric Voorhies
KalEl
4Lex
Zinovia
BrightBird
Ursaminor
Allispaul
Eruhgon
Thom1138

Young hearts be free tonight. Time is on your side,
Don't let them put you down, don't let 'em push you around,
don't let 'em ever change your point of view.

—Rod Stewart

HAPPY TIMES:
Children of the Corny 2: It's Still the Pelvic Thrust! (28-30 October, 2005)
There goes the neighborhood! 2: Unfinished Business (2 September, 2006)
Children of the Corny 3: Third Time's the Charm! (1 September, 2007)
A nodermeet on a shoestring and shoe leather. London, April 2008. (26 April, 2008)

Some really cool people I've encountered so far:

• Dimview (It's amazing who you can meet on the Weird Wild Web... Dimview is one of the neatest friends I've ever made: brilliant writer, fantastic correspondent, and someone with a crazy sense of humour like my own... I'm incredibly lucky to have met her.)
• WiccanPiper and Briarcub (Q cool couple of guys who know how to throw a nodermeet and the true joy of a half-bent full of latakia! Two of the best friends a person can make in the world of E2, or even in "real" life, whatever that means.)
• artman2003 (Part John Kennedy Toole, part William S. Burroughs and entirely unbelievable! A man who can go from the sublime to the ridiculous at breakneck speed, and a really nice human being to boot.)
• Chras4 (Not only a phenomenal writer, but a kind and sensitive woman of extreme kindness and very puckish humour!)
• Cliopatria (Amazing when your mentee can become your real-life friend. An amazingly erudite woman and a durn nice one to boot.)
• archiewood (A nice bloke, a good writer, and makes a great zen theme, no less!)
• Major General Panic (Ziggy Stardust in Latin...possibly the most E2 thing in the history of E2...soooo coooool!)
• the Debutante (Fun, funny, and brilliant, a very sweet person with an amazing mind.)
• Wertperch (He's not just a really nice person, he's also the master of the succinct factual.)
• Jack (Those people who give you critical input when you are first starting out ... well, you never forget them. Nor should you! Good guy in person, too!)
• La Petite Mort & StrawberryFrog (Two of the most creative and interesting persons this little noder has ever met. Being a guest in their home is like visiting the salons of old Europe, complete with great food and drink and terrific conversation.)
• Wntrmute (Helpful, interesting, gifted...and a fellow Eddie Izzard fan!)
• Kanoodle (Fun to read and seems like a really nice chap to boot!)
• Aspie Dad (The night I got to see his fabled wine cellar was one of the highlights of my trip to England)
• eien_meru (Smart, clever, and really enjoyable chap!)
• Borgo (one of the best essayists around, and a really enjoyable guy to correspond with)
• JohnnyGoodyear (just reading this man's words is enough to improve one's writing ...)
• Excalibre (Intelligent, interesting, and talented. Oh yeah, and honest...it would be a rare enough combination even without that. Wow.)
• themanwho (Who may just enjoy my writing as much as I enjoy his—mutual admiration society alert),
• izubachi (One of the most genuine and wonderful people you'll ever have the good fortune to meet. He's also really smart, to boot!)
• originalzin (A phenomenal writer and a wonderful person.)
• mauler (This particular E2 Boddhisattva has been quite good to me!)
• avalyn (I really like Avalyn—he has a really beautiful soul to match his lovely words.)
• Gwenllian & Apatrix (and Gwenatrix of course)(Wonderful hosts, helpful noders and all-around great folks to know)
• Just1Wheat (There just aren't many poets who can impress me like this!)
• MonteCarlo (It's a little humbling when someone this estimable admires your work!)
• LaggedyAnne (A ninjagirl with some very wicked yummy cookies)
• Chaotic Poet (A fellow of most excellent fancy!)
• katherine (A really, really smart and wonderfully kind-hearted person!)
• Maylith (A fine recipian and fun correspondant!)
• DonJaime
• Auduster
• Grundoon
• Glowing Fish
• yclept
• pylon
• SciPhi
• Palpz
• TenMinJoe
• FeltTips
• theDeadGuy
• tWD
• hunt05
• Tentative
• fallensparks

I think there may have been a couple more, but I'm not sure! /msg me if you know of anyone I've left out!

MENTORING WORKS

November, 2006—LovelyDemeter
June, 2007—Cliopatria
August, 2007—Zinovia
If you see them around, please give them the sort of good help and encouragement that you gave me so long ago!

I've Been Re-Working Some of my Old Nodes

Kilroy Was Here (11/7/06)
Ringtail (1/7/07)
Great Lakes (6/4/07)
mental_floss (8/24/07)
mercury poisoning (9/6/07)

"Symbols have great power, particularly in unsophisticated cultures."—Minette Marrin, journalist

" Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow."—Helen Keller

I am neither serial upvoter nor node auditor
But when I find someone whose work appeals to me, I like to read it all (and, I vote on it, C! it etc., so the effect is kind of the same). So far, I've read these amazing people:
Johnny Boy—Estimable writer of the very freaky and a wonderful "This is Jimmy, full of blood," and a useful guide to How to set yourself on fire
FeltTips—Who writes with the same skill and passion that she applies to her music. Torch Singer is about as cool as anything I've read and Calabazas really moved me.
GolFur—I like his perspective. Fender Bender should be required reading for everyone everywhere.
TenMinJoe—I first found Joe's work because he wrote some pieces about TV shows I enjoy. Also can write a mean piece of fiction
Gwenevere—One of the E2Medical gang. Writes wonderful, hardcore factual medical and semiotics nodes.
SciPhi—Brilliant, cynical, and funnier than hell. Strictly a take-no-prisoners kind of kicker of sacred cows!
Lifix—Has not written too much on here, I've enjoyed some superb factuals and look forward to more.
grundoon—Not just a really nice lady, but also an amazingly versatile and exceptionally talented writer of essay, poetry, and other clever stuff.
themanwho—Creator of the amazing E2 Annotation Tool and writer of magnificent factuals that really draw the reader in!
Jack—This guy can make words do tricks like trained circus animals. His essays are absolutely without compare and his factuals are equally amazing.
JohnnyGoodyear—Another of the superstar animal trainers of E2. *SNAP* the master's whip snaps and the words line up like trained circus beasts. *CRACK!* the words do tricks, one by one or in groups. *WHACK!* The words fall back into line ...
dimview—A wonderful writer and a warm and kind person who is a heck of a lot of fun to correspond with. Writer of interesting factuals about sumo, book reviews and daylogs
Palpz—This Canadian's work is amazing in scope: actors, engineering, Calgary, and great Canadians ... and so much more. He is able to make fact read like really exciting fiction, and that's about as high a compliment as I can pay!
LeoDV—This man has written a few really superb nodes on a variety of subjects. His whore and torture articles are intriguing and trust a Frenchman to write a really comprehensive treatment on the subject of sauce.
Maylith—She writes well on a variety of subjects: recipes, daylogs and more. Candles should be burned, not dusted is one of my all-time favourite nodes!
Kanoodle—One of the bright new stars in the E2 Galaxy. Writes from the heart , as well as some very good entertainment history and some nodes that are just plain entertaining!
Carbonif—Has noded extensively about literary awards and the like, and also does delightful biographical pieces. One of our rising stars!
Unperson—A skilled writer who can make even complex topics approachable and do so with some humour and style. Has also written some interesting social and useful articles as well!

In some cases, I've not finished reading the person's work . . . . . (and many more to come)

I solemnly covenant that at least 90% of my writeups shall contain words.

And...for no other reason (other than emulating my hero, here are my writeups, categorised:
(UNDER CONSTRUCTION)

My Noders Choice Awards (the top five in terms of votes, chings, praise, and just downright good goodness!)
• Breast massage (breasts, massage ... two nice things that go well together...People really liked this one, and it has been used by a breast cancer group and by a therapist who was exonorating himself from a sexual harassment charge!)
• pwnt (who'd have thought that a funny little writeup about a silly gamer neologism would be so dadburned popular?)
• Platonic Life Partner (the story of true love...platonic style)
• Hairy armpits on women are attractive (I got a surprising amount of really positive feedback on this one, even from people who disagree with the general thesis. And yeah, they are, in a big way!)
• Everything Stops for Tea (A cute little song that I turned into what I consider one of my best pieces ever)

Entertainment
• mental_floss (magazine)
• Daffy Duck (how he got his voice)
• Stratovox (the first talking video game? Well...maybe.)
• esquilax
• Riget (wonderful Danish horror show, titled the Kingdom in English)
• French and Saunders
• Nighthawks
• Shippo
• Mighty Jack (a wonderfully bad movie)
• The Straight Dope (column, books)
• Giorno Poetry Systems
• Shikoku (skeery ghosts, Japanese style)
• Blood Waters of Dr. Z (one of the worst movies ever!)
• Playing Cards (where they came from...hint, it wasn't the Chariots of the Gods aliens bringing them down!)
• Superdickery (side-splittingly funny site about bad comic panels and covers)
• Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends
• spoilers to follow (hey, I thought it was funny!)

Massage
• petrissage
• tapotement
• Massage Terms
• deep tissue massage
• effleurage
• friction massage
• massage and depression
• massage ethics
• Oakworks (finest massage tables and chairs around)
• trigger point
• Breast massage
• Benefits of professional massage therapy
• Finding a professional massage therapist
• What to expect during a professional massage therapy session

Daylawgs and other lawgs

• A good week for the business, and Suzi is out of town
• Thoughts upon the funeral of a friend's mother
• My mother's death
• My first noder-birthday
• Landmarks and Landmines
• I get into a real book
• I'll sum up for you: Time-Warner internet service SUCKSSS!!!!
• Funeral for a ferret
• Worst. Podcast. Ever.
• Three of Suzi's nightmares—for Dream Quest
• My votes for Lost Gems of Yesteryear
• Real Editor Editorial
• BrevityQuest07 (the first quest I ever helped moderate. Quite fun, actually!)
• I'm going to England!
• And the nodermeet I attended there
• A friend moves away

Myths, Legends, Folklore, Sacred Texts, that sort of thing

• Styx (my idea of a joke...see, first I noded the members of the rock band Styx, then the Titaness named Styx...come on, it's FUNNY!)
• me
• The Origin of Love
• Samson
• Delilah
• Huehuecoyotl
• Adonis
• Tarot (history of the tarot...oooh!)
• Mohini (tale a great demon slayer, and one of the demons she slew)
• Brahma
• Hjuki and Bil
• Medea (my favourite femme fatale from mythology)
• Saci (a cool friend told me of this trickster that haunts the forests of Brazil)
• Elf
• Bali (mythical characters should really pay some attention to common sense!)

Rockin and a-rollin is only howling at the moon...

• Kilroy Was Here (album)
• Tommy Shaw
• James Young
• Dennis DeYoung
• Chuck Panozzo
• John Panozzo
• Jack Blades
• Night Ranger
• Damn Yankees
• Andy Fairweather-Low
• Goth
• the Alarm

People I Think Are Cool

• Lynn Margulis (science writer)
• Saint Leonard
• Saint Bruno
• Cap'n Crunch
• George Nakashima (American sculptor, furniture guy, architect)
• Jay Ward (Inventor of Bullwinkle J. Moose)
• James Lovelock (science guy)
• Wolfgang Hadamitzky (Japanese language scholar)
• Dorothy Dandridge
• Dermot Morgan
• Dawn French
• John Giorno (American poet)
• Mr. Peanut (who would have thought that an animated legume could be such a great entertainer?)

Words are COOL

• Common name
• spick and span
• Coals to Newcastle
• Profanity
• run the gauntlet
• oogy (did this one on a challenge from Raspy)
• jargon
• pwnt
• fubar
• sirloin
• rookie

Animals and Plants

• Ringtail
• Bassariscus
• Civet
• Genet
• otter (I did it for wertperch!!)
• Maxwell's Otter (also a wertperch special)
• cuscus
• jimsonweed (I'm not sure why, but toxicity and so forth just fascinates me)

Places to go

• Great Lakes
• Seven Wonders of the Ancient World
• Northpark Center
• Grand Turk
• Reims (themanwho challenged me to do this one, and it was a LOT of fun)
• Carrollton, Texas (not an exciting place, but somewhere I've had a lot of connection with over the years)
• White Rock Lake (a place I grew up)

Essays

• Driving in the car, Listening to Queen on 8-Track (got me noticed by a real writer, who put it in his book!)
• The Christians and the Pagans
• ferret jacket moment (A term for a silly object that brings a wave of sadness. And a story of our first little fuzzy-wuzzy, Davey.)
• Platonic Life Partner
• Hairy armpits on women are attractive
• The Thing in the Closet (true story of something weird that once happened to me)
• So many people have come and gone, their faces fade as the years go by (what a strange cocktail party is the workplace!)

Medico-physio-anatomicacacial

• Joint
• Nomina Anatomica
• Terminalogia Anatomica
• Cryptomnesia
• Quinine
• Hamstring muscles
• Epsom salts

Games and Diversions

• my brain feels clean as a whistle
• mind flayer
• Chicory Chicory Craney Crow
• playing cards
• tarot

Eat, Drink, and be Merry

• Pastrami
• rolled oats
• stell-cut oats
• Everything Stops for Tea
• hefeweizen

Unfortunate Things that can Happen to you

• Mercury Poisoning
• heavy metal poisoning
• xenoglossy (Not sure if this is a BAD thing that can happen, probably just a weird thing)
• trypanosomiasis
• Nigerian mail scams
• subconjunctival hemorrhage (red spots on the eye--they look a lot worse than they are)

Consumer Goods & Services

• Ferretvite
• Dining in
• Chrysler New Yorker
• class ring
• Lynton Hotel (London's best-kept secret)

Books

• Water and Light
• Happy Kitty Bunny Pony
• Who Goes There? (a scary story with a creepy origin)
• Everything2 Remembers September 11, 2001

Poetry

• The Organic Chemistry Blues (something silly from my years in the University)
• Hevvy Chevvy (comes with a funny story)
• Grey (full of sweet longing, something I wrote to a girl who was very special to me)

uncategorised yet

• Marsh Arabs
• Human Rights Campaign
• learner's permit
• Xerox 9700
• Mother's Night