sometimes I go to etsy.com just so I can look at jessicapierce's vulgar bunnies. They rock my world.

Oh, e2. I have such a strange embarassed love-hate fondness for you. You know how you can't remember things that happened when you were 2 until you look at pictures of those events, and suddenly you remember it all? That's what it's like to look at you now, e2.

This homenode is just a time capsule. Jugding from the messages I've received in the chatterbox it seems to amuse others, so I am not feeding it to EDB.

You know you've been here too long when you see the title of a new writeup--one you've never seen before--but you instantly, instinctively know who created the nodeshell. Ugh.

I see the good and the good sees me.

I'm not wimpishquaff.
I'm not gimpishoaf.
I'm not (My personal favorite!) limpishstaff.
I'm impishlaugh!

It's all clinical and shit. Loosen up! Moochie poochie makes the world go 'round.
Viva lesbians! Viva monkeys! Viva soy!

Dude, I'm single. It's weird! Everything is different now. I know I like it, but I'm not yet used to the silence that greets me when I come home. That will change, right?

THERE IS NO GOAT RITUAL!

HOW TO STAY IN LOVE EVEN AFTER YOUR BRAIN STOPS MAKING NEW RELATIONSHIP LUST HORMONES:
1. Lay down next to each other. Yes, in bed.
P.S. This isn't what you think.
2. Put your feet up in the air. Encourage your partner to do the same.
3. Make vrrrroom-vrrrroom racecar noises. Rev it up! Press the imaginary gas pedal!
4. Challenge your beloved. 5-4-3-2-1.....
5. And you're off! You're flying around corners! You're racing through time! They're eating your dust!
6. Screech to a halt and tell your sweetie he or she won. You'll try to give a congratulatory kiss, but you'll both be laughing too hard.
You will be in love forever; I promise.

I have bachelor's degree envy. I don't care how much you love drawing fishies and making cinnamon toast and playing thislittle piggy: You can't be a nanny forever.

I made it happen! I'm finished at Columbia State Community College. I'm moving to California in August. I'm transferring to a REAL 4-year university. I found a nice girl to live with in Northridge. WE DON'T HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE ANYMORE!
To-Do: LSAT
Yep. I'm gonna be an attorney.

How to make my day:
Habakkuk says:
imp: You are my new hero. A braver woman I have seldom met. Godspeed, sweet bibliophile. Godspeed.
sweet, brave bibliophile. You should see me grin.

I realized why I got unhappy: I quit looking at the moon.
Don't let this happen to you.

This is very cool: plants do not absorb green light; they reflect it. That's why they're green. So if you put a plant in a windowless room with only green light shining on it, IT'LL DIE! MWA-HAHA. Because it can't use green light to carry out photosynthesis. Pretty nifty, eh?

I love this place. I write a silly writeup asking "Does anyone know about this band?" And Pantaliamon writes back saying, "Yep. They were on my label." Coincidence is a beautiful thing.
Rock on, e2!

morganlight is my very talented friend. Read her. Love her. Send her tickles.

ARRRGH MATT IS LEAVING AND THE SUMMER IS ENDING AND 17 SEMESTER HOURS ARE STARTING AND I HAVE TO QUIT MY JOB AND I DON'T WANNA AND I NEED AN INTERNSHIP AND I WANNA GO TO CSUN NOW I MEAN RIGHT THIS SECOND NOW!
I WANT A DIPLOMA AND A POWERSUIT! I WANT TO NOT HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE TO HIM AGAIN AND AGAIN! (soon. soon.)

excuse me.

Our drive home from Los Angeles to Nashville was dreamy. The desert teemed with life and color. A hotel clerk flubbed something up and gave us a supersuite for half price. We rescued a turtle from the interstate. Bugs are bigger in Texas. We saw the broken bridge on I-40 (creepy, creepy, creepy!). My SPOON is too big. I TOUCHED A JOSHUA TREE!

Is there anything more romantic than drinking expensive wine at a Motel 6 in the middle of the desert?

Here is the good news:
1. My cousin is home from Afghanistan-or-not-Afghanistan-he-can't-tell-us. He still has all his arms and legs and teeth. He also has the Airman of the Year award and a lovely new wife.
2. After two tests and one midterm, I have a perfect score in my psychology and biology classes. My art history scores are thisclosetothere. And my Western Civ class... Well... B+.
3. Fierce Invalids Home From Hot Climates is good. It's strange for Tom Robbins 'cos there's no hot female protagonist with sex problems. But I'm only 50 pages into it. Maybe she comes later.
4. As of March 6, I've known the gooneybird for a year.
5. I have enough cute, impractical new shoes (courtesy of the Nine West supersale) to last the rest of my life.
6. I fly out to California to see Matthew on May 4, and I'll be there A WHOLE MONTH before roadtripping home!

give me libido or give me death.

Systematic downvoters who don't show their faces are pussies.

igloowhite and his girlfriend Alicia are kind and funny and excellent tourguides. THANK YOU for giving us the desert.
I saw leezardleezardleezards and a little blue tarantula. Oddly enough, the tarantula was one of the cutest things I've ever seen.
something about those spindly little legs...
The porta-potty out at the California Poppy Reserve is the cleanest thing I've ever seen. It was like the outhouse in Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, minus the Dale Evans picture. And it was also the OLDEST porta-potty I've ever seen. The first maintenance stamp on the inside door said March something, 1987. I was terribly impressed.
It was eerily quiet there, too. I could hear my hair move. I was so very AWARE of my body. I liked that.

twitterpat

We're THAT SWEET a confection.

Let's stop some gossip, kiddies. If there were Js and Ps in my alphabet soup, I would not gnash my teeth on them and growl. I wouldn't pick around 'em and make nasty faces, either. Js and Ps are sweet.

"I was beaming! Truly! Like someone's mum!"
These Mandy Slade references will come back to bite me in the butt, I"m sure.

The Sandman has stolen my brain.
I've started talking like Delirium.
It's not so bad, really.
Want some telephone ice cream?

"classy broad: oxymoron?"
"We're... we're glamourous bug-catchers, you and me."

hey doodlebug. yes I mean you.

"Whoa... Doesn't this feel like a John Hughes movie....
except the characters are 10 years older and on large quantities of drugs...
and Molly Ringwald has become a bohemian super-slut?"

Nifty noders who've sent me neato things:
Chihuahua Grub sent me a CD, a book, and... other stuff.
jessicapierce sent me the best robots in the world and a fuzzy little notebook!
dustfromamoth sent me two letters and lovely ribbons... Velvety green and sparkly irridescence and striped white chiffon.
Gritchka sent me a splendoriffic letter. I actually sniffed it to see if it still smelled like the forest and the pub that he described so tantalizingly. update: He sent me a postcard from Australia!
pukesick sent me a really cool homemade, handpainted postcard with a toaster on it.
Bitca sent me a Legend of the Sand Dollar postcard from Florida and made my day! AND she sent me a birthday postcard! Segnbora-t sent me my FIRST NODER POSTCARD EVER.
And SOMEONE sent me a plain white postcard. I could read every word EXCEPT for the signature! Who sent me smileyfaces that would eat my frozen treats? Please step forward so I can give you credit for making me laugh ever so impishly!
And radlab0 gave me the best chocolate I have EVER had in my LIFE. She gave it to me in person at Cafe Coco. She also tried to give me swing dancing lessons, but I do not remember how. So I used it as an excuse to squeeze a hug out of her!
Thank you all!

when i was six years old, i asked my grandmother why she and all of her friends smoke. she fixed her eyes on a far-away, long-ago place and replied, "when we were young, there was a war, jennifer. back then we women had nothing to do but smoke our cigarettes and pray."
i bought three candles and a package of tobacco and rolling papers tonight. take what you will from that.

dip your toes in this inkwell and run barefoot over fresh parchment:
moonstones and lavender and groves that look like flaming broccoli and swingsets and cold running water and sun-dried tomatoes smeared with blue cheese and bleu skies and homophones and little pink seashell-y toenails and osprey(s?) and drawings of wispy spiderlike little people and music that does pop-rocks things in my ears and emily smirking and hugging me and long-haired boys with swords and plumage and long-distance phone calls with crackly static and laughter and the grr of the gas pedal and windows down and my hair a curtain over my face and i am a shiny little bullet of goodness in perpetual motion.

i saw a boy, a beautiful gelphling-cheekboned boy, wearing a

leopard-print cowboy hat

and my eyes stung so badly. then he turned around. no, he was a stranger. and the air whoooooooshed out of me. i will pretend that it is the hat i miss.

i am not bitter, ohno. if i were coffee, starbuck's would call me bright. i'm marketable, baaaaaaaay-bee.

Love song of the day: Confines of Love

"Does your undying devotion only last until I'm out the door? Can I keep my fingers away from the sore?
Cinder Block is one sexy bitch.

Last night I made him do the hokey pokey

because it is better to see him laugh that to see him cry.

That's what it's all about.

I thank everyone who sent me birthday greetings! My twentieth was the most beautiful day I've ever had. Tedd took me to the most perfect place I've ever seen. I admired frogs and drank flowers with my nose and a butterfly kissed my bellybutton. And Buddha was there too.
Then we picked blueberries. We only brought one beetle home with us. He was green and very shiny. Tedd was more scared than I was. ha.

New York rocked my face off. Wickernipple is a great host. And his ashtry is very impressive. stand/alone/bitch is smart and funny and I saw her eat Goober. I'm not sure if Phyllis Stein is the best or worst driver I've ever seen... I felt like I was in a Bond movie!
Chihuahua Grub is never boring. He is frequently funny. And he is always ticklish.
JayBonci is all kinds of cool beans... Even is he DOES turn into a pumpkin at midnight.
Becca is a hip, hip lady. And she's disappeared! Please /msg me, dah-ling!

I am in transition.

Once upon a time I sat in a Waffle House at two in the morning, all hopped up on twitterpation and road trip. The man in the next booth was, by all conventional standards, certifiably insane. He refused to perform any miracles that night. "I ain't got no money. Ya can't have a miracle without the root of all evil."
I think he was the sanest man of all.

Guess what!
I have a /msg alias!
/msg impy will be much easier, won't it?

Big bad list o'contact info:
e-mail: OH HECK NO.
Snail mail:OH HECK NO.

I love my job. I know that people who work at a smoothie bar/trendy wrap sandwich place aren't supposed to feel this way. But I am so happy working at Smooth Moves!!! The place's little idiosyncrasies are delightful. My boss has the coolest little hair-plug halo. I think he's the patron saint of Hair Club for Men. Our delivery guy's name is Jesus. And... well, the demographics at this place make me feel like Ellen Cherry Charles. I go to work and sing and eat mangoes and breathe in the falafel. I smile and make the tip jar sing. Arabic and testosterone swirl around me. Life is so good. And it's peach-scented, too.

I MET CHIHUAHUA GRUB! He is pink and red and speckled all over. And quite charmingly bespectacled. And he doesn't sound like a valley girl in person. Also, he has superhuman ladybug attraction powers.

I am 21 years old. I live in Nashville, TN. I like labradorite and kiwifruit and old 1950s issues of Life magazine. I like reading underneath pianos. I like little green frogs that smell like rain. I have cute eyebrows. And I love my mom.

Nutmeg is just a spice. Really, it is.