Everyday I give
thanks to
God,
I have two
mounds upon my
bod.
I
shave my
legs,
I
sit down to
pee,
I can
justify any
shopping spree.
Don't go to a
barber,
but a
beauty salon,
Can get a
massage,
without a hard-on.
Can
balance the
checkbook,
can
pump my own
gas,
Can
talk to my
friends about the
size of my
ass.
My beauty's a
masterpiece,
and
yes, it takes
long,
At
least I can admit to others when I'm
wrong.
I don't
drive in
circles at any
cost,
And I don't have a
problem admitting I'm
lost.
Don't
act like I'm in a timed
marathon,
Every time I have to go to the
john.
I don't
brag about the
size of my "
cup",
Hey, put the seat
down, 'cause I won't leave it up!
I never
forget an
important date,
You just gotta
deal,
I'm
usually late.
I don't
watch movies with lots of
gore,
Don't need instant replay to
remember the [score[.
I won't
lose my
hair,
I don't get
jock itch.
And just cause I'm
assertive,
Don't call me a
bitch.
I don't wear the
same underwear everyday,
The
food in my
fridge has no sign of
decay.
Don't
burp,
don't
belch and I
certainly don't
fart,
Soccer, not
football, is what I
consider an
art.
Don't say to your
friends, "Oh yeah, I can get her",
In your
dreams, my
dear, I can do
better!
Flowers are okay,
but
jewelry's best,
Would you
look at my
face,
not at my
chest!
I don't have a
problem expressing my
feelings,
I
know when you're
lying,
you look at the
ceiling.
Don't call me a
girl,
a
babe or a
chick,
I am a
WOMAN,
get it, you
prick?
Let me tell all you
men,
Listen to me
boys,
Those
things in your
pants,
That you
treat as
toys,
You
love them more then we ever
will,
We would rather
suck on a cold
pickled dill.
I know all you
men think that you're "IT",
But
compared to a
woman,
You just ain't
SHIT!
-unknown