I can't tell if I'm
growing up or
coming into
something new. There have been so many
times in my
life when I
gained a new
outlook on life or
started thinking
differently and now I'm
moving past those
thoughts. I've
done this so many
times. Is
realizing that you'll do it
alot more before you
die,
maturity? Is realizing you're
immature, maturity? This
puzzles me. I've
finally given up on
knowing
everything. I've finally
stopped
struggling against
myself. I've finally started being
completely
honest with myself and the
people around me. I've started
writing again. I'm
learning to really
love. I
appreciate everything I have. I've started to find
spirituality.
All these things are parts of growing. People keep telling me I'm maturing. Others say I'm waking up. Are you ever really mature? Aren't we all asleep? I keep finding the more answers I come across, the more questions arise. The new question I have for myself is, "Why keep searching?" I now think that the answer will be there when I'm ready to see it. To me it sounds like giving up. I don't know what to do with all these new thoughts and emotions.
The best I can do right now is understand that this is just another stage in my life and I will be a better person for it. I hope I'm right.