pat on the back

I have had three lovers now who were sincerely offended at my involuntary pat on the back hugs. I know, I know... pat-on-the-back-hugs feel patronizing. They feel like I'm protecting you. They feel like you think I think you're my only child.

Excuse me, but... no. I don't think you're my child. It's just the way I hug.

Our television has taught us that the Pat On The Back is a gesture of consolation and condescension:

• Ward patting The Beaver on the back as he explains why it's bad to lie.
• Mr. Slate patting Fred Flintstone on the back in the process of firing him.
• Larry Tate patting Darrin Stephens on the back after landing that new client.
• Mr. Burns patting Homer.
• Mr Burns patting Mr.Smithers.

The pat-on-the-back hug makes you feel small.

I'm really trying not to do it anymore.

I'm trying hard to make my hugs conform to How to give a hug.