This idea by Emerson is one I've been
struggling to impress upon myself in my attempts to not be a little
mind. My problem is that I hesitate when I am not sure. This habit
has been taught to me from youth, and it follows common sense. So
what's the problem with it? Well, what are the things that makes one
sure? A lot of times it is the concurring opinion of peers. And therein lies the rub, because following the
conventional habit leads to the perverse situation
where a person hesitates in expressing their opinion unless it is the
opinion of many. Emerson tells us to "speak what you
think now in hard words, and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in
hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said to-day".
Inconsistency is a necessary evil: it can only be avoided if we are
unwilling to speak unless assured of the agreement of others or if,
like many politicians do, we insist on protecting an idea that has
ceased to serve its function. To people who are offended by
inconsistencies we should quote the above title to which Emerson adds
that "with consistency a great soul has simply nothing to
do". Or better yet, we should quote Walt Whitman, another great mind:
"Do I contradict myself?/Very well then I contradict
myself,/(I am large, I contain multitudes.)"
And yet I do hesistate, I do fear saying something stupid and then
having to protect it. And when I do say something stupid I do feel a
petty need to stick to my folly. Woe unto me, I am truly a little
mind, or I have the habits of a little mind, but I am working on it. I
am not talking about debates here, either. I'm talking about the
casualest of conversations. It is plainly ridiculous that I should
keep myself from saying what comes to mind because I fear being caught
in an inconsistency, a fib, or an embelishment, especially since in
most casual conversation people are more interested in what they are
saying than in what you are saying.
My problem is not that I hold my potential utterances to too high a
standard, it is that I hold them to the wrong standard: consistency
instead of integrity. Emerson tells us that "A man should learn to
detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from
within" since "To believe your own thought, to believe that what is
true for you in your private heart is true for all men,--that is
genius". I have read these words often and carefully. I agree with
them entirely. But apparently, I have not internalized them and I
continue to instictively reject the gleam. I excuse myself by quoting
further that "Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the manhood
of every one of its members". I should not excuse myself. Not if I do
not wish to remain a little mind. "It is easy in the world to live
after the world's opinion; it is easy
in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the
midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of
solitude." It is easy, God damn it, but it doesn't pay off.