The Cuyahoga
Cast
Jacob: Native American guy, boyfriend to Isabelle junior reporter at newspaper. Native name means “War-dog” Planning trip to Fort Erie to see eclipse together
Isabelle: Girlfriend to Jacob Great Grand-daughter to Matteo,
Matteo: ghost/ older man, probably in his early 60s crewmember aboard WW2 Iron ore freighter the J.Burton Ayers. Saved the boat in a gale. Kind of a spike or sting sort of looking has soft-longing sorts of moods.
Ralph: Fatter, younger Crewmember from outlying reaches, friend to Matteo.
Captain of the Ayers 1940
Calypso: A little girl at the beach
Calypso’s Mother
French Man at the Beach
Other Beach goers
Vincent: Isabelle’s ex-boyfriend
Mary and her husband Ethan : Americans visiting from Vermont to see the eclipse.
Tom: Ethan’s younger brother the tattoo artist.
Darwin’s Witnesses
Yo Yo Ma
Tina: One of Mary’s childhood neighbours.
Uncle Jim: Jacob’s uncle
Captain Audman: Captain of the Ayers 2023
Other party goers
Lady Luck
King George VI
Peter: Matteo’s brother
Other underworldlings
Act 1, Scene 1.
Opens with Jacob and Isabelle, a young couple, getting ready to head South to see the eclipse on the Lake. Isabelle is very respectably dressed, black slacks and blouse. Jacob appears in torn jeans and goofy t-shirt
Isabelle: Hurry up Jacob! The eclipse starts at 1pm!
J: from offstage, I know Isabelle! Hold on!
Isabelle: The sun isn’t going to wait around you know, let’s move!
Jacob: Alright I’m coming. He appears with sunglasses etc.
Isabelle: You can’t wear jeans!
Jacob: Why not?
Isabelle: My Great-Grandad served on the Ayers remember? This is spiritually important to me! How about we show a little respect?
Jacob: I don’t see why we have to wear black, everyone else will be in beach wear.
Isabelle: Just throw on your jacket and let’s go.
They march off together in good spirits.
Act 1 Scene 2:
Flashback to WW2
Opens with the crew of J. Burton Ayers singing, throwing items to one another
Sound of on-rushing water heard loudly in background.
“Six hundred feet long and Sixty feet wide
Sixteen thousand tonnes of wartime pride
Crooked for iron, the bold boy of the lion,
the boat they call J.Burton Ayers”
Captain interrupting the crew : Alright men! If this ship makes it to the foundry on time, we’ll have met our quota! And that means a cigar for each of you! exits.
The crew settles down
Matteo and Ralph sit down and discuss the prospect of cigars.
Ralph: Ever tried a cigar Matteo?
Matteo: Can’t say I have Ralph.
Ralph: We always had a box of them in the house. My grandfather would smoke ones sometimes. Monte Cristoes.
Matteo: Monte Cristoes!
Ralph: What do you think will happen when the war is over?
Matteo: Hard to say, there might be a big boom! Especially if we win.
Ralph: Yeah!
Matteo: Well…
Ralph: How’s your wife?
Matteo: Good I guess.
Ralph: What’s her name?
Matteo: It’s Isabelle
Ralph: Isabelle!
Matteo: What about you?
Ralph: Annie
Matteo: Mmm, Iron Annie.
Ralph: Yeah.
Matteo: The captain says we can probably keep our jobs aboard the ship when the war is up. There’s a strong need for Iron Ore, the boat will likely stay in service. Probably for many years to come.
Ralph: I’m heading home when this is done.
Matteo: Back to the outlying reaches?
Ralph: Yeah.
Matteo: hmm
Act 1 Scene 3:
Jacob and Isabelle in a little turquoise convertible on their way to the lake. Jacob drives.
Gordon Lightfoot’s Edmund Fitzgerald comes on the radio.
Isabelle: Cries.
Jacob: Isabelle!
Isabelle : nods and covers face.
Jacob: Isabelle! I don’t care if it makes Vincent mad that we’re together, I love you!
Isabelle: I know Jacob, that’s not why I’m crying.
Jacob: It’s not?
Isabelle: No, it’s because of Matteo
Jacob: Matteo would have been proud of you!
Isabelle: Thank You.
Jacob: They named you after Great-Grandma Isabelle did they not?
Isabelle: It’s just that something was wrong with Isabelle, Jacob. They never really talked about it. I think I might have inherited her tendency to overthink everything. You know it was never a matter of spontaneity with her. Everything was very well-planned. She probably knew they would name me after her, the day they met.
Jacob: Are you afraid of something?
Isabelle: Yes! I have this sinking feeling inside! It’s just an eclipse I know, I keep telling myself, but what if it’s not? What if it’s the harbinger of all kinds of terrible things to come?
Jacob: Sounds like you need a hot dog!
Isabelle: Jacob could you at least try and be sensitive?
Jacob: I am being sensitive, my grandma Martha always said there’s nothing like a hot dog to quell those doom and gloomies.
The Hot Dog stand
Jacob hops out of the car and orders some hot dogs
Jacob: “Hakkuna Matta!”
Vendor: Ketchup, Mustard or Vinegar?
Jacob: Just mustard.
Vendor: That’ll be 8.99$ please
Jacob: tapping his debit Thank You. He turns to go a little too quickly and bumps into the couple behind him. He manages not to spill his hotdogs. But clearly takes note of them and nods. Howdy!
They arrive at the beach
Isabelle: Well here we are!
Jacob: It never fails Isabelle, the sun is on it’s course!
Isabelle: Remember that episode of Ninja Turtles when Reishi Rat predicts the eclipse and the villagers all bow down to him.
Jacob: It’s not Reishi Rat Belle, it’s Splinter.
Isabelle: Did your cottage really used to belong to the illustrator for the show?
Jacob: It certainly did. My Dad met Peter Laird on the train to Toronto once and they hit it off.
Isabelle: God I loved that show!
Jacob: Yeah, it makes me miss Dad.
Isabelle: The moon is less special without him.
Jacob: mmmhm
Two beachgoers appear nearby, they make eye contact with Jacob.
Jacob:Oh Hey! From the hot dog stand!
Ethan: Yeah!
They shake hands,
Mary: I’m Mary, this is my husband Ethan, we’re visiting from Vermont.
Ethan: They say it will be possible to capture the lake and the eclipse at the same time today here on Erie’s Northern Shore.
Isabelle, loudly: It will last a good 4 minutes starting at 1pm!
She goes to retrieve some lawn chairs from car
More people continue arriving steadily. Most dressed in sunglasses and beach wear.
The men decide to set up the tripod and search for the best angle.
Ethan: You’re dressed so sombrely, what’s the occasion?
Jacob: It’s Isabelle, her Great-GrandFather served aboard one of the freighter-ships during the war. She wanted to show her respect. It’s still in service, so she’ hopes we might see it along the lake today if we’re lucky.
Ethan: Oh, one of those Cargo-bateaus?
Jacob: Yeah
Ethan: There were two of them I think, the Ayers and the Fitzgerald.
Jacob: Yeah that’s right, he served on the Ayers, the Fitzgerald sank back in the 1970s.
Isabelle returns with Chairs for Mary and her
Mary: Wasn’t Burton Ayers a Canadian though? I thought the boat was American-owned!
Isabelle: How do you know?
Mary: Well, my father liked boats. He had owned a skiff for a while South of Buffalo.
Jacob: Gentle Erie!
Mary to Isabelle: Ethan and I eloped one summer after a romantic sunlit dinner on the Lake. He just loves photographing all our sunsets together.
Isabelle: Sunsets are very romantic, maybe eclipses too foreshadowing. Jacob brought some sunglasses to protect us from the radiation.
Mary: My laser skin practitioner says there’s less radiation in an eclipse than in a Ukrainian easter egg. Pause. So are you and Jacob engaged?
Isabelle: Not yet. We’re more like two stray cats at the moment. Debating if we can share the same litter box for a week without hating one another.
Mary: Takes off her jacket, revealing a spilly red and white striped top underneath. She smiles demurely.
Isabelle: You hold your knees askance a little.
Mary: I play the cello.
Isabelle: lovely!
Mary: They perform better in concert. according to her maestro.
Ethan: Don’t be so obnoxious Mary! Cellos are good independently played instruments.
Ethan finds the proper angle to catch the eclipse and sits down to wait.
Ethan: excellent! If the sun follows its arc as I predict, all I will have to do is hit click.
One of the other beachgoers, a froggish man in green shorts and a hoodie strides forward into the melee: Here to see the eclipse?
Jacob: Yeah how about you?
Green man: Yes! To see Ah! The Heavenly bodies, Monsieur.
Isabelle: Have some pigs in a blanket. She offers him some food.
The green man: eats with gusto. Thank you! Madam.
Act 1 Scene 4
WW2 flashback, the boat at night
Matteo and Ralph rolling up heaps of rope onto a bobbin. Enter another crew member.
Crew Member: Another 100 km until we arrive boys! Better tuck in your shirts!
He leaves.
Ralph: Where does he get off? calling us boys! Oh and Don’t forget your watering can Sir!
Matteo: So who gets bragging rights if we win?
Ralph: If it’s just between you and me?
Matteo: Yeah.
Ralph: Well I don’t know. I’ll have to chew on that.
Matteo: I’m not sure I know what to do with a cigar.
Ralph: No?
Matteo: What if I ash on one of Mother’s rugs?
Ralph: They like that sort of thing.
Matteo: What if she doesn’t?
Ralph: Oh Come on Matteo, you’re not too good to pull a fast one on Nanny!
Matteo: Shrugs
Ralph: You could always give me your cigar.
Matteo: I believe you now, about your tobacco habit.
Ralph : Uh oh! What do you know! A Rat! He scoops it up in his hand and holds it up. You know in Africa they roll these out into nice long thin joints and smoke them.
Matteo: I’ll go with the cigar.
Ralph: shrugs
and Talking about mushrooms
Matteo: I had a nanny growing up. ‘Don’t mess with the houseplants!’ she said, ‘Drink the gunpowder tea!’
Ralph: Haha. Madam Haddock!
Ship Pastor appears: We are having a Sunday Service in the mess hall men, you are welcome to attend.
Act 1 Scene 5
The Beach
THey discuss the hot dog stand.
Mary: And he said to me “do you want big dangly earrings to go with that?” She starts to cry.
Of all the motherless wretches.
Isabelle: “La cucaracha! La cucaracha! lalalalalala!”
Also cries
The boys are busy pointing and predicting the wait time etc.
Tom: “Patience is a virtue girls! Don’t be confused!”
Jacob, joins the girls and sits down
Oh help! Please! I’ve lost my loop de loups!
Isabelle: So what was the traffic like in Buffalo?
Mary: Big pile-up on the Eastbound, it’s a good thing we set out so early this morning.
Isabelle: Oh you mean the Westbound, It’s not a bunny-hill is it?
Mary: no
Mary: pulls out some lipstick and applies it to her lips.
Mary: You know Neil Armstrong was laid to rest on a Blue Moon?
Isabel: That’s right I remember! he’s sort of a legend! One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind!
Mary: yeah.
Isabel: Imagine going so far all alone.
Jacob: He wasn’t alone Isabelle. There were three of them.
Isabel: What were they looking for?
Mary: They weren’t looking for anything, it’s called exploring.
Jacob: Hmmm
A small child nearby declares with elation that she has found a special rock!
Child: “Mama lookit! A blue one!”
Isabelle: There are so many people! Procession of various people, in different array. Some religious crosses and prayer beads, some safari go-throughs and so on.
Mary: Armstrong was an Ohioan, you know. From across the lake.
Ethan: The river even caught fire that year!
Jacob: Yeah! The cuyahoga!
Ethan: Yes.
Jacob: Unbelievable how polluted it must have been.
Isabelle: Don’t forget your sunglasses you guys, unless you want to complain about how you can’t read the warning labels on your cookies anymore, because you’re blind.
Jacob: You know Isabelle won the nobel beef prize back in grade school?
Ethan: The nobel beef prize?
Jacob: yes
Ethan: Ah! Beef! or complaining. ‘The domain of the obtuse’?
Jacob: coughs a little on drink. What gave you that idea.
Ethan: Well the trick is to complain without really complaining, without really saying anything at all you know?
Small child leaves a rock on their mirror.
Mother: I’m sorry. She scoops the child up and away.
Jacob: I always thought it was good to be specific.
Ethan: As soon as you start splitting hairs though and so on, you’re in big trouble.
Jacob: Isabelle was complaining that her classmates had ceased to find static electricity amusing, and that they were probably dead inside.
Etahn: Mary is a teacher. These days student complaints are all integrated into an instructor report card at the end of each semester.
Jacob: Nothing like standardization to put a stop to creativity.
Ethan: You really can’t always take it personally.
Jacob: Always, Sometimes and Never are such vague quantifiers.
Ethan: True, Miss Mary Always remembers to clean the board before her lessons, Miss Mary Never Forgets to ask for a show of hands when most unwanted. We need to replace them with operative modifiers like Could, Would or Does.
Ethan: Removes foot wear and Dips his toe in the water It’s a little nippy out isn’t it.
Isabelle: Come sit with us Jacob!
Mary: She said come sit with us Jacob.
Jacob: Sits with them.
Mary: Pulls out some chocolate port from her picnic basket. Even the shopkeeper calls me Maman. I bought it in Port Dover. The clerk said “For Maman”.
Isabelle: He called you Maman!
Ethan: He did not Mary! He called you Madam.
Mary: He called me Maman! That’s what we used to call Mother when we were children.
Ethan: Mamans are bogus! It’s the name for an imaginary creature that doesn’t exist, you know. It’s sort of a myth really, a sea-serpent. They roam the beachside looking for lost children, and they entice them and then they eat them up!
Jacob: The hairy beach-piggy!
Mary: Hairy!
Ethan: Hairy Mary!
Mary: Ethan!
Jacob: It’s really more of an eel with a snout and curly tail, but they do eat little children sometimes.
Isabelle: Remember that time you went fishing Jacob, and the hook caught you in the eyebrow?
Jacob: Yeah.
Isabelle: It can be very painful you know.
Jacob: Yeah
Isabelle: But at least you had an excuse not to go to the party that night.
Mary: Party?
Isabelle: Jacob hates parties.
Jacob: Not true, I like some parties.
Mary: I see you brought a large mirror with you!
Isabelle: Yes, it is meant to catch the light from the eclipse.
Ethan: Any moment now! Everyone! He stands behind the camera.
They all don their protective sunglasses.
Awestruck silence
Little girl in mother’s arms
Mother: You see that? The moon has hidden the sun from our view!
Little Girl: Do we get to make a wish mommy?
Mother: Yes my darling. You make a wish if you like.
Little girl: I wish I had a different name.
Mother: What do you want your name to be sweetie?
Little girl: Calypso
Mother: Well, that’s a nice name!
Little girl: It means someone who likes to dance! Let me down! I’ll show you how I dance!
Dances briefly. Mary joins in and dances with her.
Ethan takes several pictures of the eclipse and of the girls dancing.
Jacob to himself: All that work just so you could fart on my blue rose!
Isabelle: Jacob!
They are quiet as they observe the eclipse.
Isabelle: What’s that fire on the horizon?
Jacob: Can’t you see it’s the eclipse Isabelle?
ISabelle: No, lower down, there’s some kind of light or fire on the horizon. You can really see it with the glasses
Mother: Hmm yeah, that is odd. Could it be some kind of festivities across the lake?
Ethan: Unlikely, anyway It’s not far west enough to be Cleveland..
The eclipse wanes. Sun comes out again.
Isabelle starts packing up their things.
ISabelle: Well we’re headed to Jacob’s Cottage now, it’s not far from here: You’re welcome to come by for some drinks and dinner if you like! I bought a turkey! It’s more than enough for the four of us.
Mary: That sounds nice Isabelle! Don’t you think Ethan!
Ethan: Sure! We’ll follow you there! They pack up and head off.
Act 2 Scene 1
The Cottage:
Isabelle shows Mary around a little while the men pour some drinks in the other room.
Isabelle: This is the Living room. She showcases some pictures of ninja turtles on the walls.
Mary: Looks at the Turtle Crossing sign for a moment.
Isabelle: They are very slow. 10 ft an hour at best I’m told. Thinking of how slow Jacob is moving forwards in their relationship.
Mary: What a sweet little girl at the beach!
ISabelle: Calypso! Yes. What a cute name! I think it’s from Homer. She was a witch who turned everyone into pigs!
Mary: I think children should have bold, exciting names like that.
Isabelle: Agrees and smiles on her way out the door to continue bringing things in from the car with Ethan.
Mary: Joins Jacob in the living room. Isabelle says your cottage belonged to a turtle enthusiast of some kind once.
Jacob: Yes Peter Laird, he was kind of an artist, misunderstood you know.
Mary: Artists are fine by all means, but their insensitivity towards the taboo! There is territory you just don’t invade.
Jacob: agrees
Mary: Ethan’s brother Tom is something of an artist, he thought it would be cute to do a portrait of me getting hit by a Mack Truck once.
Jacob: We have an air horn around here somewhere if you want to borrow one for any reason.
Mary: thank you finds the horn.
Jacob : I really feel for those people out there with no middle name. No initials, nothing.
Mary: Hey you! Mack!
Jacob: exactly. It’s why I don’t tell everyone my middle name.
Mary: Yeah but you do lose that whole rabbit in the top hat effect it has.
Jacob: It only really applies if you want to start making your own booze.
Mary: You’ve given it some thought.
Jacob: If it were simply Jacob’s brew it would never sell. It needs to be Jacob TuTu’s or Captain Jake’s.
Mary: You sound like you’re pretty sure about it.
Jacob: You have to be sure Mary, decisive! Life isn’t going to pick you up and drop you off. You’ve gotta get behind the wheel!
Mary: Yes. True enough, but it helps if you tell people where you’re going. Tom once told us he was going to spend a year in the South of France, and he didn’t! Really, he opened up a storefront tattoo parlour under his apartment in Montpelier. He didn’t budge 10ft let alone 4000 miles.
Ethan sits down and Mary comes over. While Jacob heads over to the Kitchen with Isabelle
Jacob: Mary says Ethan’s brother Tom is a liar.
Isabelle: Oh There are different kinds of liars, what kind of a liar?
Jacob: I don’t know.
Isabelle: you know, Mom’s fraudulent little angel, The dummy, The pants on fire variety.
Jacob: I don’t know
Isabelle: Most liars just don’t know any better. You’ve gotta be decisive, stick to your plans you know.
Ethan: Walks in. Mary’s feathers are still all ruffled about that teacher evaluation Jacob.
Jacob: Ruffled feathers! On a hairy eel?
Isabelle: Easy Jacob! Jacob gets his feathers ruffled himself from time to time himself you know.
Jacob: Oh don’t try and apologize for me Isabelle: I’m a feather ruffler! That’s what I do!
Isabelle: He writes for the paper.
Ethan: Oh a feather ruffler!
Isabelle: He’s otherwise quite tame! Aren’t you Dearest!
They hear a gravel truck come by.
Ethan: What was that?
ISabelle: Looks like You’ve got a date with the car wash!
Ethan: Really?
They peek out the window at the road.
Ethan: Looks like a ribbon of wet paint.
Isabelle: That’s the road grater. Fresh Gravel!
Ethan: Should I be sort of honoured somehow?
Isabelle: It’s not every side-road that gets a fresh coat of gravel first thing in the spring! We’re top of the list!
Ethan: To Isabelle You would make a good dentist!
Isabele: yeah?
Ethan: Sugar-coating. You know of nasty painful procedures.
Isabelle: you’re a dentist!
Ethan: yup.
Isabelle: oh yes!! I noticed you didn’t have any of the desert. No sweet tooth hiding in there anywhere eh?
Ethan: No.
Jacob: Tooth extraction is such a messy business. I wouldn’t like doing that at all.
Ethan: It involves a lot of wiggling.
Jacob: wiggling?
Ethan: Yeah! I often sing to myself “a little to the left a little to the right!” boom! Surprisingly high pitched Michael Jacksonesque.
Mary comes in from the other room, she has been going through a stack of illustrations of ninja turtles.
Mary: This one in particular impresses me. What did you say his name was again?
Isabelle: Leonardo.
Mary: Leonardo! Preferring Leonardo to Michelangelo. She holds it up dramatically, a little like Rose on the TItanic.
Jacob: Takes the piece and looks it over. It is of the blue ninja turtle jumping through the air.
Hi ya!
Isabelle: Why don’t you hang that one up! Jacob! Over there!
The men go off and get the toolbox to find a hammer to hang up another piece of Art.
Jacob: Here we are! My toolbox! Every man has his favourite tool you know. Mine is The hammer!”
Ethan: I’ve always preferred wrenches. clean. Gleaming, untarnished. He holds the wrench up.
Jacob: Not the pliers?
Ethan: Well, now that you mention it. Hmm Let me see.
Jacob: Looks for some nails.
They return
Mary: Don’t hit your thumb!
ISabelle: You hear that Jacob? SHe says DOn’t hit your thumb! Jacob!
Jacob: I know Isabelle! Hits his thumb.
Isabelle:Oh my! Quick! I’ll get the first aid kit.
Jacob holds his thumb. While Ethan hangs the picture.
Isabelle: Here Jacob. She wraps his thumb in gauze.
Mary: For the weary shall not wield hammers lest they themselves become weary.
Ethan: Don’t make this a bible verse Mary!
Isabelle: That’s alright! I’m a little erudite myself!
Jacob: She’s an airy-fairy! Mary, you’ll get along
Mary: Get him some water Ethan!
Ethan: Gets him some water, smiling ear-to-ear says: nails are powerful opponents Jacob.
Jacob: I’m not a wimp! I’ve done battle with cheap mexican food. Ruefully.
Isabelle: Kisses a hot tear of pain from his cheek.
Jacob: Well ring ding ding-ding-dinga ling ding ding ding a ling doo.
ISabelle: There darling, it’s hard to be a persecuted genius. You know Jacob’s Aunts were both carmelite nuns!
Ethan: Oh the Caremelites! They’re nun too Shabby.
Isabelle: Yes, .
Mary: Married life is really the lifestyle for me though. It can’t be beat!
Isabelle: Oh!
Mary: Ethan is such a good husband.
Isabelle: yeah
Mary: I’ll never forget our honeymoon.
Isabelle: Oh really.
Mary: It was kind of spooky, I thought it would all be bottom’s up and great fun and so on. But, we stayed at this haunted hotel. And then I caught this terrible cold.
Isabelle: I really dislike all the hype around ghosts.
Mary: To think there are poor souls trapped in some sort of limbo somewhere, and we don’t do anything about it! It’s a form of entertainment! A tourist attraction.
Isabelle: But then It’s a step up from public executions.
Mary: or burning villages. She drinks
Isabelle: That came off wrong. You know my toothbrush has a kind of a mohawk.
Jacob: Unscrews the port again and pours everyone a glass. To Married life!
Act 2 Scene 2
The women go to the kitchen and prepare dinner.
Isabelle pulls a turkey out of the refrigerator and throws it in the oven with a few potatoes.
Mary: Imagine all the people sleeping out at the beach right now.
Isabelle: awfully cold though!
They return to the living room. Where Ethan is signing casually and admiring the artwork.
Mary : I’ve always liked Green and yellow together, what a nice decor.
Ethan: Was that a welder I noticed in the tool closet?
Jacob: yes.
Ethan: Amazing how easily metals will melt. I used one once at my Granddad’s farm as a teen. He said I had The dark sight. So naturally I went into dentistry.
Mary: He’s terrible in the kitchen though. He can’t even conjugate the verb sauter!
Isabelle: A good cook is an honest cook!
Mary: And an educated cook.
Ethan: You don’t need to be educated to be a good cook Mary.
ISabelle: You know Great-Grandad used to say the real victory against fascism has been in the education of women.
Jacob: Clearly! An educated woman is not a fascist woman.
Awkward pause
ISabelle: I’m named after my GreatGrandma Isabelle.
Ethan: Lovely!
ISabelle: Matteo was Polish you know, but kind of a wild-card.
Jacob: It always amazes me how much things have changed since back then. A wild Card! Man or Woman! Tone of: My land! Used to mean you brewed your own beer and hunted wild boar on weekends.
Isabelle: He had a double chin.
Mary: You see how candid these Canadians are Ethan! No shame in that! A double Chin!
Isabelle: Would you like to see the mirror again?
Mary: Sure
Isabelle: We sometimes do seances with it.
Ethan: A seance!
Mary: What’s that!
Isabelle: It means to communicate with the dead or missing. We wanted to contact Matteo’s spirit and speak with him, but it was too busy at the beach. The mirror used to belong to him.
She retrieves the mirror.
Mary: Well alright I guess! But I thought you didn’t like ghosts.
Isabelle: Matteo is more of an ancestral spirit.
Isabelle sits the mirror up and they all sit down and join hands. She throws salt at the mirror.
Matteo Matteo, Galileo
How does your garden now grow?
Ghost appears, but with a very hairy chest.
Ghost replies: guitar please.
Mary sees the guitar in corner and fetches it for him.
Matteo: Plays sinatra song, when I was 17. And Returns back through mirror.
Mary: My friends and I did something like this when we were little. You would be surprised how smart 6 year old girls are.
Isabelle: Get out!
Mary: No for real, we made a little fairy pool with a moss framed mirror and wrote some kind of poem. Then we gave each other fairy names.
Jacob: Oh?
Mary: Topsy
Isabelle: hmm, I like that and Flopsy and Mopsy I’m guessing too.
Mary: Yes.
Jacob: Could I get anyone some milk and cookies?
Isabelle: Thank You Jacob, yes!
Matteo: Pokes his head in again. Milk and Cookies?
Isabelle: Sure! Come and join us!
Matteo climbs out of the mirror and sits down with them.
Ethan: Have you come to tell us about the underworld?
Matteo: Oh no! It’s just it’s so much warmer here. As my Mother used to say. Not the ears and the nose eaten off! He rubs his nose to life a little.
Jacob comes in with milk and cookies for everyone.
All: Thank you!
Matteo: These cookies are very good! You know GreatGrandma Isabelle used to say: You can have all the potatoe pudding you want! I’m not Lady Luck. (about his hairyness)
Isabelle: Get him some slippers and a bath robe Jacob!
Jacob returns with items.
Matteo: Examining the slippers. Impressive!
Ethan: We used to call them ‘pantoffles’.
Matteo: Hmmm. Roots his foot around trying to get the slipper on without success.
Jacob kneels and tries to help. MAtteo glances at Isabelle and smiles knowingly. They succeed
Jacob: There we go!. He sits down again.
Mary: Welcome to Canada!
Matteo: Thank You, I must say it is nice here compared with the underworld you know.
MAry and Ethan: agree emphatically
Matteo: So do You have any priests around? To ISabelle. It’s just that I died before making my last confession.
ISabelle: Anything good?
Matteo: Well I never ironed the sheets or anything, but you know
Mary: Well I don’t know of any priests near here Matteo, but you could always confess to Ethan. He’s a dentist you know, lots of people confess to him.
Matteo laughs
Isabelle: Alright let’s hear it.
Matteo: Well back then people were very respectable, and our family was widely very respected. But secretly I had a cousin, living up North, who grew what you folks nowadays call magic mushrooms.
Reverent hush
Jacob: But there’s no shame in that!
Matteo: Well, maybe not in growing them. But eating them can be another matter.
Jacob: Hmmm awkwardly. There are so many varieties of mushrooms these days. Glinting Girls, Forrest Dreams.
Matteo: Well on my Last Will and Testament I listed that half my estate would go to this cousin, as I promised him. You see Peter was growing a variety known as Isabellies.
Isabelle: Isabellies!
Matteo: yeah. We named them after my wife Isabelle. They have a psychic sort of effect. People see things, the future and so on.
Jacob: And?
Matteo: Well Isabella didn’t know anything about it. It probably floored her when she read the will. I figured for-sure that she knew. You know she knew everything, that’s why we named the mushrooms after her. But When I died I saw her reading the will, and she cried and cried. It can’t have been easy.
Jacob: But people were snacking on these Isabellies and getting into trouble.
Matteo: Yeah, my ship-mate Ralph took some. He thought his girl Annie was communicating with him all of a sudden. Says she told him to swim-on-home and such. He jumped right off the boat and we never heard from him again.
Jacob: So.
Matteo: Well I probably should have realized when he said he was going home to Annie. I told him he could kit kuddle a kite for all I cared. Then he was gone.
Matteo: Yeah I guess.
Isabelle: I always knew there was something fishy about my name!
Mary blows the AIR HORN
Ethan stands up to look at the TMNT artwork again.
Ethan: A ray of hope!
Jacob: You know my native name means WAR DOG.
Matteo: Is that right? Good taste Isabelle!
Isabelle: We met in high school chemistry class. I was sitting in the front row the day Jacob did his class presentation.
Matteo: Haha, clever girl!
Jacob: Embarrassed: It was about the process of making chocolate cherry bombs. They use two different kinds of sugar, which catalyze together very slowly. So you have a nice solid lump to coat in chocolate in the beginning, but then a syrupy liquid centre after a couple of days.
Matteo: What interests me is how you got that nickname WAR DOG!
Jacob: Well, that’s another story.
Mary: No, We’re interested! Tell us!
Jacob: Well OK. But it’s not very glamorous. It was at a hockey game. I play defence, and I got into a fight with one of the forwards. The coach said we had played a good game, and I said thank you. The forward said “you? What did you do?” Then there was some fighting and shoving. I said “the best offence is good defence.” I told my Father about it later, he said that’s what they used to say during the war. Then he called me War Dog.
Matteo: That’s right! I remember seeing a few hockey games in my youth. They always used to say that. Best offence is a good defence.
More music: Matteo asks for the guitar again.
From Foggy Dew. He plays a few chords of the song.
Matteo: sings “bad mushrooms too.”
Jacob: No.
Matteo: mhmm
Isabelle: Leonardo!
Ethan: That’s right Isabelle, I’m impressed.
Still staring at the portrait of Leonardo.
Isabelle: Comes up beside him and looks at the portrait: Like some bluebell on a hill waiting to be found.
Ethan: hmmm Drugs do more violence than weapons sometimes
Matteo: Oh Lord! I have sinned! What can I do Father Tooth? How can I repent!
Ethan: You must learn to let go, Matteo. Grasping Is your own Worst enemy.
Matteo: Buddhism!
Isabelle: WHy not! It’s not Liver and Onions! Matteo. You of all people should be open minded!
Matteo: You wouldn’t say that if you knew Isabelle, Going to war isn’t the same as braiding clothes hangers you know. Everyone’s got their own way of doing things.
A little fairy crawls in through the open mirror and starts fluttering around.
Mary: Look Ethan! A Fairy!
The fairy lands on Ethan and flickers a little bit. Ethan sighs and smiles. It flies up again, and he follows it over to the couch where it rests in his hands.
Ethan: “It’s a spirit-soother!”
Jacob looks with disinterest.
Isabelle: I’m not so sure, I think it’s a yellow-bellied trash pixie!
Matteo: You had better watch your language young lady!
The fairy flits up and lands on Mary.
Matteo: She’s probably hungry Mary, go to the kitchen and get her something to drink, maybe a little bit of honey.
Ethan: Go on! Chef du jour!
Mary: Well alright, But It won’t be anything Ethiopian. exits.
Isabelle: I’m off to the Kitchen myself! huffy exit.
Matteo: Calls after her Don’t be sore with me Isabelle. I didn’t mean that about hanger braiding.
Matteo: Her Mama was such a broody hen.
JAcob: You’re quite the wild-card yourself!
Matteo: Is that what she called me! Haha! Pulls out a cigar See this boys! This is the cigar itself! The one Churchill gave me after the war was won! I never smoked it, all these years. But I think maybe tonight is the night!
LIght my fire, would you Jacob?
Jacob does so.
Matteo puffs on the cigar quietly for a while
Matteo: I bet you guys want to know who had their pants on fire.
Jacob: I wondered that.
Ethan: I have to say I wondered that too.
Soon the little fairy flies in again.
Matteo: He tries to wave her off.
Jacob: Ticklish Matteo?
The fairy flies off again.
Ethan: She’s given her chocolate, mark my words! See how she’s buzzing around!
Jacob: Not to worry. Ooooooo . He tries to call the fairy over by wiggling his finger
Act 2 Scene 3
Feeling that they have eaten the fairy.
Mary: Another Drumstick? Ethan?
Ethan: No Thankyou Mary.
ISabelle: Are you sure? He who does not eat is left with none!
Matteo: Not eating, leaning back into the sofa.
Ethan: Sorry I don’t mean to eat right in front of you. It doesn’t bother you much does it?
Matteo: Well not really, I mean I’ll slap the occassional piece of salami to my stomach, but really nothing to speak of.
Jacob: We used to stay up till midnight on weekends talking about eating the wallpaper.
Ethan: It takes discipline to go to bed hungry.
Jacob: Getting angry. The first time I ate a strawberry it was in the invisible gardens of sleep
And when I saw the real thing, I knew what to do.
Mary: Ah! The gentle, nourishing arms of sleep.
Matteo: That’s how food vanishes on a ship.
Ethan: Tell me, how can a man aim to live if he does not care for the breath of sleep as for food itself.
MAry: That’s lovely Ethan! You don’t usually wax poetic!
Ethan: It is getting late.
Matteo: I could maybe go for an apricot brie wheel!
Ethan: With a baguette!
Isabelle: Dream on boys!
Jacob: So you were saying about having been a liar Matteo, tell us who had their pants on fire.
Matteo: It was me! Isabelle was never psychic. WE ALL just played it up for kicks. But then Ralph jumped, and I knew I had been messing with forces beyond my comprehension.
Mary: You know Ethan’s brother Tom is kind of a liar.
Ethan: Welcome to the ranks of liars Matteo. Our numbers grow ever stronger.
Matteo: Welcome! I beseech you! Do the eyes of the shepherd come so gently awake?
Mary: Linger here a while longer Matteo.
Matteo: Alright, but would someone tell me why turtles are so ecologically significant?
Jacob: They can be enticed out of their shells.
Matteo: Ever looked into the eyes of a turtle? shrugs. You know how quiet their lives are, how pure their feeling of wonder is and how unburned they are by earthly pride. Thinking of Isabelle.
TMNT theme song heard softly in background.
Matteo looks around suspiciously for the source of the music?
Jacob: People do hear mother earth calling their name from time to time.
Matteo: Yes. She has a very cheerful way Mother Earth.
Thump Heard at door.
Jacob: That’ll be the paper!
He gets the Paper and reads aloud.
Cuyahoga! Front Page!
Yesterday’s Eclipse captured the hearts and minds of many beach-goers and sailors alike. For 4minutes at 1 o’clock all along Lake Erie, people enjoyed a total solar eclipse as the moon passed directly in front of the sun. The circular corona of fire was not a sight to be missed. Several collisions were reported along the main highways, and even the J. Burton Ayers travelling to Cleveland from Iron Ore mines to the North somehow caught fire! The crew were able to extinguish the flames, and the boat did not flounder, but the captain says they will be selling the boat to a Canadian company out of Port Dover who plan to rename the boat ‘Cuyahoga’ to honour the native people of Cleveland and the Cuyahoga River. The boat was one of two boats built during World War Two to ship Iron Ore needed to make armaments. The other boat, the Edmund Fitzgerald sank in the 1970s, and is the subject of a popular song by Gordon Lightfoot. The Captain says they no longer wish to keep names from the old wartime days, and hopes the boat will survive many more years to come.
Isabelle: Anyone for some grapefruit juice and pancakes?
Matteo: Oh I don’t know my cholesterol is pretty bad, I’m on these drugs.
Jacob: You have a pharmacy in the underworld?
Matteo: It’s more of an apothecary, but I’m told not to mix my meds with grapefruits.
Jacob: But what would happen? I mean you’re already dead.
Matteo: Oh there would be some quivering and rumbling I’m sure of it.
Isabelle: Just when are you thinking of going back Matteo?
Matteo: Oh, I don’t know. I’m beginning to like it here.
Mary: We had better call Budget and extend the car rental Ethan. I’d like to stay a little longer in Port Dover!
Ethan: Alright Mary!
Mary: As I was saying Matteo. If you ever look closely at a child you see that they are almost always thinking about fruit in some far off corner of their mind. The way it tastes, the way it looks. The knowledge that there are many fruits the sweetness of which they have not yet tasted.
Matteo: Yes! The apple, the fruit of learning.
Mary: You can’t call it learning at that age Matteo.
Matteo: Forgive me, Memorization by heart!
Mary: You should consider growing a beard Matteo. You would look so celestial.
Matteo: Thank You Mary, but I am not rigorous enough for teaching. I like to think the earth still cheers “freedom”! every now and then, and that little children should not be made to burn their unheard, childish things.
Jacob: Well there’ll be no burning of any kind here! Norfolk County has placed a complete ban on any private garbage burning of any kind.
Ethan: Oh yes?
Isabelle: We’ll have to make a trip to the dump I suppose.
Mary: The dump!
ISabelle: Yes, this afternoon if possible. Would you like to come along? It can be great fun! Making fun of Mary.
Ethan: Really?
Isabelle: Oh yes! You know there is a group of outcasts living there.
Jacob: The Darwin’s Witnesses!
Isabelle: Jacob did a story on them a few months ago. They’re really quite pleasant, and they have many very interesting ideas.
Ethan: Darwin’s Witnesses?
Isabelle: Yes.
Ethan: Well I would like to see that! Mary? Don’t you agree?
Mary: Darwin! He’s that philosopher who believed in the Survival of the Fittest isn’t he?
Ethan: Yes! That’s right.
Isabelle: I haven’t been to the dump in ages. We quarantined here at the cottage during covid. So we’ve still got all kinds of isolation masks and so on that have to be disposed of.
Mary: Is it safe though?
Isabelle: During the day? Yes. And anyway the Darwin’s Witnesses are a religious group.
Matteo: You’re not too proud to take a look are you Ethan?
Ethan: Well alright!
Act 2 Scene 4
In Car along the way.
Mary: What lovely countryside! And so many old cars! I haven’t been this excited since that time we went to the zoo! Remember Ethan! When we were allowed to pet the sting-rays in that little pool?
Ethan: How could I forget!
Mary: And look at all these wide open farmer’s fields! Should we have brought food for the Darwin’s Witnesses Isabelle? Maybe some bread or a bottle of wine or something.
Isabelle: No, No. Jacob has some expired bacon for them. You remembered the bacon I hope Jacob?
Jacob: Yes, yes Isabelle not to worry.
They arrive at the dump, and the gatekeeper comes to check their car.
Gatekeeper: Quite a lot of you!
Jacob: Not everyone is a lone paloma rose Denise!
Gatekeeper: Laughing . You know a sweet spot when you see one Jacob. In you go!
She opens the gate.
They park and exit the car. Isabelle removes a couple bags of trash from the Trunk, and throws them over the edge.
ISabelle: They’ll show up soon enough.
A yahoo! Appears.
Jacob: Ah! Little Hummingbird!
Yahoo: makes clapping sound with one hand. Several other dump grazers appear forming a ring around them.
Jacob pulls out the pack of bacon and throws it on the ground.
They take the bacon.
Matteo whispers to Mary: This sort of thing is all very standard in the underworld.
Mary: Nods quietly.
Mary: to Ethan I want you to take me skating when this is all over dear.
The yahoos start doing a dance around the group and singing.
To the tune of Pat Boone album.
The Yahoos: Below the layers of trash there cries, the refuse of the world’s great lies.
Trilling sounds. Yippee!
ISabelle: Oh a fairy ring! Jacob! They’ve never shown me this before!
The Yahoos: Testing, Testing, round and round drive them deep into the ground.
Scrambled words and scrambled deeds. Deeper than the media Feeds.
They pull out some pine aerosols from their pockets and brandish them and pocket them again. They spray Jacob.
More singing: hokey dancing pointing up and removing and playing with belts zozobra etc.
Then disperse.
Jacob and Matteo sit on the hood of the car looking glum.
Matteo: You know Isabelle and I once got into a very bad fight together.
Jacob: oh?
Matteo: I remember it well. It was her birthday. I had decorated the house nicely. We invited her parents over. But what a mess to clean up afterwards. I started to sing. It’s really not the sort of thing you should do.
Jacob: sing yeh?
Matteo: yeah.
Jacob: you devious hound! You sang?
Matteo: Somebody’s gotta do it!
Ethan: calls Denise over You know Billy the Kid? He had one tooth in his mouth, one! They say if the tooth is loosened with love it’s different, you know.
Denise: You know that’s nothing honey. My dad started loosing teeth when he was 6 years old. One minute they was there and the next gone! He lost so many teeth. I never did figure out how that could be, but hey you’re a dentist. You tell me!
Ethan: Well I don’t know. There is dentistry and there is destiny.
DEnise: The mysteries of the universe explained! You ever heard of the three B’s?
Ethan: no
Denise: Babies, Beer and Bricks.
Ethan: Oh! The Darwinian Trinity!
Denise: You betcha!
Act 2 Scene 5
They stop for lunch
The waitress: “Fresh from the pineland forests I see!?”
They nodd mhmm.
Waitress: For you?
Mary:I’ll have the burger and fries.
Ethan: Same, Burger and fries
Jacob: Soup and a bun.
Isabelle: Slice of pie with a salad.
Waitress: And for you sir?
Matteo: Nothing for me, thanks.
Mary: And a bottle of wine? Everyone?
Isabelle: Well I didn’t mention it, but today is my birthday. So we could celebrate a little I suppose.
Mary: Great, and a bottle of white wine please.
Waitress: first thing! Ma’am
Ethan: I sure am hungry!
Isabelle: I wonder what kind of pie it is.
Ethan: I think she said apple.
Isabelle: Oh good, I like apple.
Waitress: Comes with wine.
Jacob: Alright here we go! Pours the wine. So I would like to make a little toast to Isabelle. Sum Vol Isabelle! Here’s to You. You are like a fence post in my life that has grown into a tree.
Isabelle: How clever, not the traditional summer’s day, or red red rose eh?
Jacob: Cheers darling!
They clink and then drink.
The waitress comes with their food:
Isabelle: I like waitresses. Women of action you know! It takes guts to serve the wine first!
Ethan: Ask her if you can keep the bottle. They make good massage rollers.
ISabelle: What do you mean?
Ethan: You hold it lengthwise and then just roll it up and down along the back of the legs or the spine.
Isabelle: I might just do that. She looks the bottle over scathingly.
Wide Sky Vineyards.
Jacob: No wine for you Ethan?
Ethan: So tell us Matteo, do ghosts swim?
Matteo: No you have to be hale and hearty to go swimming in this weather Ethan ghost or no.
The sounds of the waves on the shore is amplified.
Matteo stands up.
Someone stands up at the bar, and strides over shoving past Matteo on her way out.
The strange encounter:
Matteo: Captain Audman Madam!
Captain: Turning around Why yes! What can I do for you?
Matteo: Well captain I have a bone to pick with you.
Captain: a bone to pick! Well what about?
Matteo: Has your nose gone as cold as the steel of your boat? Was the map so interesting that you missed the almighty sun?
Captain: Well it couldn’t be helped! Sailor. It was a coincidence
Ethan: He’s right Matteo. You can’t hold it against him personally. That’s what happens sometimes.
Matteo: Angry. Are you trying to tell me that this was all just Coince-Dental! Coince-dental!!!! Hunh?
Matteo disappears.
Act 2 Scene 6
The 4 of them On their way home.
Isabelle: I still feel odd about him just disappearing like that! What could have happened?
Jacob: He Dined and Dashed!
Isabelle: crying. Back to the underworld!
Jacob: Did you think he was just going to stay here forever?
Isabelle: No, but I wanted to tell him that I’m getting my ears pierced.
Jacob: Really?
Isabelle: Yes. Mother said he was always very touchy about things like that, and she once said to me “If that’s what you really want!” But I’m not afraid, I like the idea of wearing earrings. There’s something sort of magical about them.
Jacob: Some people tend more towards lumbering or lurching around I suppose.
Isabelle: He used to say, “it takes a while but I’ve seen you smile.”
Jacob: You are very alluring my dear.
Isabelle: How do you figure?
Jacob: I don’t know How do you figure Ethan?
Ethan: I don’t have any real qualms with piercing. It depends a lot on the piercing itself I suppose.
ISabelle: Wait hold on Jacob!! A church! Oh why don’t we get Marrried! You know on the spur of the moment!
Jacob: What church is it?
Isabelle: Looks like Precious Blood. Oh! pull over, I want to look inside.
They stop and go in.
Behind the altar is the priest polishing the for the eucharist.
Priest: Well hello There! What brings you folks to the house of God?
Isabelle: We’re thinking of getting married!
Priest: All four of you?
Isabelle: No, just us two.
Priest: Have you given this some thought?
Isabelle: Oh Yes! That is, may we look around?
Priest: Certainly. Continues cleaning the sacramentals.
Isabelle: What do you think Jacob? This could be us! Haven’t you ever thought so? I know I have!
Jacob: Well sure I have Isabelle, and the church does look nice. But I sort of thought you know we could wait a while. Have a big wedding with family and so on.
Isabelle: You slow-poke!
Jacob: Isabelle, really. Holding her.
Ethan: to Mary. I don’t know about this Mary. Getting married on the fly like this! It’s almost reckless!
Mary: It’s what we did Ethan.
Ethan: Yes, but we, were smarter.
Mary: They’re smart Ethan. Don’t spoil all their fun!
Ethan: Sings Figaro quietly while dusting the windowsills
Act 2 Scene 7
Back in the car:
Isabelle: Jacob gave me a little rock! Want to see?
Showing the rock to Mary. Who examines it carefully.
Mary: how exquisite.
Isabelle: He says we should bury it here, deep somewhere in a little hole, and it will find it’s way down to Matteo.
Mary: Hmm.
ISabelle: Slow down here Jacob, this is where the road turns off to Bluebell Hill! We could bury the rock there!
Jacob: Alright Isabelle. Anything for the Lady.
They drive up a bumpy road, they get stuck behind a tractor who goes very slowly.
Mary: God help us.
Jacob honks
They pass
Isabelle hoots!
Jacob: You know my Father was a trail blazer with Parks and Recreation.
I know most of these backroads pretty well. Dad wasn’t the maitre a pensee sort, he liked to set us loose on the world, on nature.
Ethan: This has turned out to be quite the weekend!
Jacob: Here we are, this is a good spot.
They both kiss and bury the rock.
Ethan and Mary stand at a distance.
Jacob kisses Isabelle on the head and holds her.
Mary: I’m so tickled! I’ve never seen anything like this before!
Ethan: Mary! show some decorum.
Mary: What?
Ethan: Remember that time I told you that you were reading the same book twice? And it broke your heart, and you couldn’t believe I had the gall to say so?
Mary: Yes.
Ethan: A little bit like that ok?
Mary: Alright.
They observe some hand holding and quietness.
And they all head back to the car.
Ethan: I remember when I was a young boy, we once went to the Osteology Centre at the Cleveland Medical Hospital. My Dad was really sick with some kind of bone infection in his left arm. We didn’t know if he wanted to heal or if he wanted to die. He was in a lot of pain. Mom would brew him hot cocoa every morning when he came home. He said it was the only thing that helped. I remember we were visiting him one time and this priest came in to visit his roommate. He was dying but he wanted to marry his girlfriend after all like he had promised. So we were all quiet and we listened in. The guy was pretty close to being dead, but he said the vows and they kissed and everything. He died a few days later, and Dad was talking with his wife. She said he wanted to marry even though he knew he was going to die, because he wanted to remember her in the afterlife as his wife.
Jacob: And they performed the marriage?
Ethan: Yeah. It was the most romantic thing I’ve ever witnessed.
They head back to the Cottage.
Mary and Ethan aside:
Ethan: I think I like it here Mary. We could stay, have children and so on.
Mary: Oh I don’t know Ethan. I want the children to be born in Vermont.
Ethan: unimpressed.
Mary: My sister would be appalled, I always told her our children would grow up together!
Ethan: You have to be more high minded Mary. Raising a family isn’t just about throwing some big cow-down. It goes much deeper than that.
They kiss.
Mary: It is what I’ve wanted most.
Some wild geese squawk over head.
Mary gets kind of a lump in her throat.
Mary: could this be it? THe most memorable event of our lives?
Ethan: If I could read the future Mary I would, but so far this is pretty good.
Back at the Cottage
ISabelle: That was such a fascinating rock you found Jacob! Where did you get it?
Jacob: Someone left it on top of our mirror at the beach.
ISabelle: I thought I noticed that little girl playing there, Calypso.
Jacob: Was that her name?
ISabelle: Yes! Mary danced with her.
Isabelle: You’ll remember where we left the rock won’t you?
Jacob: Some rocks are message bearers. They emit a very high frequency of sound, if you follow it you will find it.
Isabelle: Sort of like a sea-shell?
Jacob: Yes.
Isabelle: Wasn’t it odd the way it got so dark.
Jacob: Yes. It was a very soft darkness.
Isabelle: You know I think I believe in fate.
Jacob: Yeah, fate.
Isabelle: You too!
Jacob: Sure! She’s a big babe in the underworld.
Isabelle: A babe?
Jacob: Yeah, Matteo knows her.
Isabelle: Wow.
Jacob: Remember he was saying about Lady Luck feeding him Potatoe pudding.
Isabelle: That’s right.
Act 3 Scene 1
Matteo back in the underworld.
Whittling a piece of wood.
Matteo: Unbelievable, Just Unbelievable.
Continues whittling.
A new name !
Rock falls on his head.
Stands up and picks it up. He holds it up and examines it more carefully.
Matteo: A messenger! And of Flint Chalcedony! He looks it over Hmm Jacob and Isabelle together at last. Well, it’s a good thing they bothered to let me know. He pockets the rock.
To nearby underworldling
I can’t believe I went all that way, and forgot to bring a map back with me again. Retrace your steps Matteo! You’ll find your way home! Lord knows when I’ll get a chance to go back. You would think I might have thought to grab a little reading material to bring back with me. Not that whittling is bad you know, it’s just. Well it’s uh, hard to find a good stick.
Underworldling: It’s so dark down here.
Matteo: Well the days are getting longer don’t you worry little dancer.
Underworlding dances a little
Matteo: The echoes didn’t try to crush you to pieces while I was away?
Underworldling: No, they let me be.
Matteo: Sings
600ft long and 60 ft wide
16 thousand tonnes of wartime pride
Crooked for iron the bold boy of the lion
The boat they called J.Burton Ayers
Fully freighted the heart of the show
And open water cargo bateau
But the Burton name down was of
Foolish renown
It came from the outlying reaches
So the crew felt the pull from Cleveland I guess
When the captain made his humble bequest.
Let’s keep no more names from the old war time day
And instead call the boat Cuyahoga
These crooked riviers have flown full with our tears
And we’ll answer now to Port Dover!
Answer now to Port Dover
A raindance was called on the open water
To extinguish the name of the father
And the boat they now call Cuyahoga
The boat they now call Cuyahoga.
Underworldling: Poor man.
Matteo: Not to worry, not to worry. The wine is better down here. Searches for a bottle of something. Uncorks and drinks it.
Underworldling throws some small lingering rocks at him.
Matteo: Cut that out! Cut it out I say.
Underworldling: Tell the story of how you died again Matteo.
Matteo: Taking a deep drink, He loves telling this story most of all.
Well, it was the first and most tender day of a new year. I disdained to get up early as you can imagine. And I have long regretted that decision. But I did rise, and when I did it was clear to me that something had happened during the night.
The back door was open and a sea of white snow was blowing in. I realized Isabelle had already gone to the barn and I went after her. I called for her everywhere but there was no response. The snow was blowing so hard, and I lost my sense of direction. Being the bright kind I had gone out without my jacket and It wasn’t long before I succumbed in a nearby snow bank. Isabelle found me after the storm was up. Hard as a rock. But I was already old and cranky, and it was relatively painless, compared to some terrible disease.
And I had already written my will.
Underworldling: tell us about the will. More underworldlings gather
Matteo: Well it was as most wills are. Short, Unfair and Parsimonious. He drinks another swig of wine.
Cousin Peter arrives with some more underworldlings, carrying baskets of mushrooms
Peter: Matteo! Ha ha! We did it! The first batch of the year! Look! Making, gleeful small display of mushrooms with his hands.
Matteo: I don’t know Peter, aren’t we getting too old for this?
Peter: Not at all! Lighting a few candles.
Matteo: Alright.
Peter: Taking a small bowl and filling it with mushrooms. Offering some to Matteo
Matteo: Thank You, He takes some and eats them quietly.
Peter: Alright then, Lets play mirror-mirror!
Matteo: O K, They stand face to face. The game involves following each others movements. Which degrades from a few figures to some simple gestures and into a three stooges style whack on the head for Peter.
They sit down again.
Peter: You know I have always admired honesty Matteo. Always.
Matteo: YEah
Peter: More than clairvoyance, more than bravery.
Mattteo: Odd how I don’t find that comforting anymore. Takes a swig of wine
Lady Luck appears and brushes past, tall and giraffe-like.
Matteo: Lady Luck! Have I been dying to see you!
Lady Luck: Matteo! I see you have been neglecting your potato patch!
Matteo: Yeah!
Lady Luck: So?
Matteo: Well I’ve been busy you know, they had that eclipse on the Lake and that.
Lady Luck: Yes! That’s right! I think I heard you sing. Well carry-on! She leaves.
Matteo: What a bitch!
Peter: Yeah!
Matteo: Why did they have to make Luck a woman!
Peter: Yeah, why not a nice big dog! Here Lucky, here girl! That’s a good girl!
Matteo: Exactly. You know she asked me to kiss the hem of her gown once?
Peter: Flopping backwards wilting: It would be a great honour! Ah the austerity of the tomb! Kisses some more mushrooms and eats them.
They are made of Meringue.
Matteo: Gets up and finds a hoe. Begins hoeing between the rows of his potato patch.
Continues watering them with watering can etc.
Peter: Sits up again. Matteo?
Matteo: yes.
Peter: What about King George, Remember King George VI?
Matteo: Yes, I remember King George.
Peter: Well, I’m pretty sure I saw him the other day, down by the River Lethe.
Matteo: By the River? George? I didn’t know he was down here. We should invite him over sometime!
Peter: That’s what I thought.
King George VI appears in full regalia.
Matteo: Your highness! They both stand.
GeorgeVI: Hello gentlemen! He shakes their hands
You may be of some assistance to me. I have lost my hope for the future. Did it go this way?
Matteo: I can’t say I’ve seen it Sir. Maybe check with Lady Luck.
GeorgeVI: That darn Lady Luck! He sits down between them. She’s never around when you need her.
Peter: Hear Hear!
Matteo: Pours George VI a glass of wine.
GeoreVI: You men are of the soldier class?
Matteo: Yes, Yes. Canadians.
GeorgeVI: How nice. He takes a sip of their wine.
Matteo: How are things down by the river?
GeorgeVI: Oh as you can imagine. Lots of boats, new arrivals and so on.
Peter: I thought I saw you down there.
GeorgeVI: Yes. Yes It’s the Law of Jungle Soldier. Sink or Swim, you know.
Peter: Hmmm.
Matteo: The battlefield of the sea.
GeorgeVI: Sailors eh?
Matteo: Yes
George VI: Well Ha ha! He grabs them by their shoulders and stands up: Ha Ha!
I’m off to find Lady Luck! You tell her I’m looking for her will you?
Peter and Matteo: Yeh Yeh.
Act 3 Scene 2
Ethan and Mary crossing the border to return to the States.
Mary: Singing with head phones:
There’s a stick of tutti fruiti
That’ll make you move your booty
You can park it in your mouth and head on south
To that lollipop land of fun in the sun
Where the mangoes in the trees are sweet if you believe
And the school is out, shout it all about
Yes gone are the days of yellow fever bless us jesus
Here to stay is pleasure in the waves
So bundle up your trundle and wish us well Aunt Bertha
Oh OH oh Oh oh oh.
Yes what a marvel what a match don’t throw it in the trash
Just move it all around and sing it to me loud.
And sing it to me strong and sing it to me long.
OH oh oh oh oh oh!
Ethan: Better pipe down a little Mary. We’re coming to the front of the line here.
Border Guard: knocks on window.
Ethan: Rolls down window.
Border Guard: Passports please.
Ethan: Supplies their passports.
Border Guard: Checks passports. And hands them back.
Border Guard: Anything to declare?
Ethan: Nothing Sir.
Border Guard: Business or pleasure?
Ethan: We’re Americans!
Border Guard: So what were you doing in Canada? Lowers his sunglasses.
Ethan: Taking pictures of the eclipse.
Border Guard: Sorry Sir, You’re going to have to step out of the vehicle.
Ethan: WHat?
Border Guard: Step out of the vehicle please Sir.
Ethan: Well ok, unbuckles himself and steps out of the car.
Border Guard: Wait right here please.
Guard leaves briefly. Some honking, Ethan looks around uncomfortably.
Mary: Whispering to him through the car window. Um, That wasn’t Bob Hope Ethan!
Ethan: Shrugs. I don’t know! I’ll Juggle his nuts a little, Calm down
Mary: Ok. Um. sits tight.
Border Guard returns: Ok if we take a peek inside?
Ethan: Sure
Border Guard. Goes through several items, unzips some luggage. Tosses aside some items: A bottle of listerine, a few rows of twist-ties, and a squeaky toy piglet. Which he squeaks Finds the camera, turns it on and scans through pictures.
These are the photos?
Ethan: Yeah.
Border Guard: What’s this one here?
Ethan: That’s a little girl playing with a mirror.
Border Guard: Little girl have a name?
Ethan: Yeah uh. Calypso.
Border Guard: And what about this one?
Ethan: That’s um some friends burying a rock.
Border Guard: ok. Leaving again
Ethan: God help us! Covers face with hands.
Border Guard returns: we’ll have to confiscate the camera.
Mary from car: No! That’s the whole reason we went!
Border Guard: Too bad.
Ethan: Alright then. Getting back into the car.
BOrder Guard: waves them along. They drive off.
Mary: You let him take the camera!
Ethan: Yes
Mary: Is that what you wanted/? You wanted him to take the camera?
Ethan: Jesus Christ Mary. It could have gone a lot worse.
MAry: Isabelle says it will all be automated in a couple of years.
Act 3 Scene 3
Lady Luck: You saw George did you? Cuffs on his sleeves and combs in his hair?
Matteo: yes. He was looking for his hope for the future.
Lady Luck: Oh That old thing! Well it’ll turn up somewhere you can be sure of it.
Matteo: Alright
Lady Luck: Or, tell him to check the garden. It may be that is where it has gone.
Matteo: Ahem, uh we thought with your permission Madam that we might bring you to him!
Lady Luck: Well you don’t need my permission. Lead the way.
The boys look at each other, shrug and do a lady’s chair and carry her off.
They deposit her somewhere.
LAdy Luck: Where are we now! I don’t think I’ve ever been here before.
Matteo: These are the hidden acres Madam.
Lady Luck: The hidden acres! Looks around. Pouts a little, not overly impressed. And George VI is meeting us here ?
Matteo: Peter is fetching him. He’ll be along shortly.
Lady Luck: My! The wind is strong today!
Matteo: Yes it is!
Lady Luck: It is those spirits of disobedience in the air again. How I dislike disobedience!
Matteo: It does cut the harsh stone of our irresolute machinery.
Lady Luck: Such a vast and empty field too!
Matteo: Yes.
Lady Luck: We ought to build something here.
Matteo: Yes.
Lady Luck: Or drill for oil.
Matteo: Your Lady knows that oil falls ever further out of the realm of great fortune. And so close by the river!
Lady Luck: Yes yes, I’ve had quite enough rash cosmic events for this week. Must we wait so long!
Matteo: Here he comes, my Lady. His radiance, The God of true mercy! George the VI!
GEorgeVI: appears and kneels Lady Luck! Fate! How Fares my gentle lady?
Lady Luck: Do not pause to consider my great worth George.
GEorgeVI: Stands and takes her hand.
Lady Luck: It so happens that I have not been sleeping well of late.
GeorgeVI: My Lady. It has occurred to me too that this Land needs work. There is no order here! But if you and I were to join our forces and reign here together, what a paradise we could make!
Lady Luck: But Georgey. This is the underworld. The land no man can reign.
George: Yes but, if we build a temple, think what joy and what hope we might bring here together. He draws her closer. It would be a sacred and cosmic union.
Lady Luck: Smiles Very well George. We shall have our dominion here. But tell me is this not all some self-oiled machine? does the hand of science not rule supreme?
George: We lay the rule of existence down unrepealed. No one can touch the land who does not kneel.
Act 3 Scene 4
Ethan: I have such a headache this morning Mary!
Mary: Well why don’t you stay in bed?
Ethan: Yesterday was the worst!
Mary: Well it’s not everyday the Border Guard takes your camera!
Ethan: Yeah well, it wasn’t the worst thing that could’ve happened. I was worried he would find some of those mushrooms I bought from Jacob.
Mary: You bought mushrooms!
Ethan: Yeah
Mary: Oh No!
Ethan: I figured it wouldn’t be a big deal, we could just say we thought they were Portobelloes. Mary: Yeah. So I guess that makes us pretty lucky. Can I see them?
Ethan He unzips some luggage still lingering about, and removes a small brown paper bag.
Mary: So this explains the hangover. She peeks inside the tremulous bag.
Ethan: Do you want to try some sometime?
Mary: I don’t know Ethan. She takes a whiff. whooo!
Ethan: I’ll throw them in the fridge.
Mary: Alright but they better be Magnetic Marys.
Ethan: Yeah. He begins unpacking the rest of the clothes from the suitcase onto the bed.
Mary: Right?
Ethan: Oh yes!
Mary fluffs up the pillows and leans back
MAry: There were quite a lot in there!
Ethan: I’m giving some to my brother.
Mary: To Tom!
Ethan: Why not? He likes that sort of thing. I’m going to Montpelier tomorrow to see him.
Mary: on a fishing trip?
Ethan: Why not?
Mary: Because you’ll be messing about in a boat Ethan! While High!
Ethan: Hmm. You’re right. We’ll choose a less dangerous activity. Laundering the sheets. You can come along if you wish!
Mary: Throws pillow.
Act 3 Scene 5
AtTom’s Tattoo parlour: THE CAVE red couches.
Ethan and Mary, walk in the door: Tom!
Tom: Greets them warmly, Ethan! and they hug.
Tom: Come on in! They sit on the couch
Ethan: Thank You.
Mary: I’ll just use the bathroom for a minute if that’s alright.
Tom: So how are you guys? Did you have a good time at the Lake?
Ethan: Yeah it was fun.
Tom: Fun eh?
Ethan: Yeah, it was pretty wild!
Tom: How did you make it in the outside world? Honestly.
Ethan: Yeah.
TOm: Is that what Mother taught you!
Ethan: WHat about you? Staying out of trouble?
TOm: Oh the usual minors, pringle-poppers and so on.
EThan: yeah.
TOm: The world keeps dancing round and round.
Ethan: He imitates Bob Hope, dancing.
Tom: Trouble at the border?
Ethan: Yeah, they took my camera. Sits down again.
Tom: What for?
Ethan: Mary hadn’t plucked her eyebrows all weekend.
TOM: Shut Up! THey don’t confiscate cameras over that!
EThan: maybe not.
Tom: How she doing?
Ethan: Pretty good.
Tom: Nice.
Ethan: So I thought you might like to go to hear Yo-Yo-ma tomorrow.
Mary: returns. Yo Yo Ma!
Tom: Yeah I got tickets!
Mary: OH TOm! Thank You! They hug.
Act 3 Scene 6
Jacob and Isabelle begin locking up the cottage to head home:
Jacob checks all the doors and windows.
Isabelle sits reading on the couch, vaguely disinterested.
Jacob: That seance we did really rocked!!
Isabelle: It worked fairly well. Better than previously.
Jacob: In our family we call it spellbinding.
Isabelle: Oh Yes
Jacob: Yeah, it involves the coming and going of spiritual entities.
Isabelle: Really.
Jacob: Wasn’t that Your Mother’s brother, Uncle Kenneth who believed in magic?
Isabelle: No. no Jacob, Uncle Kenneth was on Father’s side of the family. He was the flunkie.
Jacob: Oh the good-looking one?
Isabelle: Yes
Jacob: The one who ran for parliament.
ISabelle: Yeah. He believed in the common man.
Jacob: I like that. Politicians are all such sensationalists these days!
Isabelle: Yeah.
Jacob: Maybe next time we summon Matteo we can ask him why he vanished all of a sudden.
Isabelle: Count me in.
Jacob: I hope he’s ok.
Isabelle: He’s probably fine Jacob, he’s sitting in the lap of Luxury, enjoying the well stocked wine-cellar.
Jacob: What would have happened if we had broken the mirror? Do you think he would have been stuck here?
Isabelle: Stuck is such a strong word.
Jacob: So?
Isabelle: It’s bad Luck to break mirrors.
Jacob: Right.
Isabelle: Someday, we’ll go and pay him a visit.
Jacob: together?
Isabelle: Yes.
Jacob: Down to the endless ground of being?
ISabelle: Yes.
pause
JAcob: Isabelle, Where do you think babies come from?
Isabelle: JAcob!
Jacob: No really. I mean maybe we could find a spirit of some kind there and you know, make it our own.
Isabelle: Reincarnation?
Jacob: Yeah.
ISabelle: I don’t know if I believe in reincarnation.
Jacob: No eh? Hunh.
Isabelle: Why don’t we try naming the child after someone we like? It would be more traditional.
Jacob: Right so Kenneth is on the list.
ISabelle: Yeah.
Jacob: Good
Isabelle: We’ll have to think of some girl names too Jacob
Jacob: Such as?
Isabelle: Fate
Jacob: Wow.
Isabelle: We’ve got some Fates on our side too you know.
Jacob: Yeah.
Jacob’s Uncle Jim arrives.
Jim: Ha ha! Jacob! You had a good time at the lake?
Jacob: Sure did. We didn’t expect you to arrive today.
Jim: Oh just making sure everything gets locked up when you go. Hello Isabelle! Kisses her on the cheek.
Isabelle: Hello Jim.
Jim: What an eclipse eh?
Isabelle: I almost wondered if gravity itself would take a few moments reprieve.
Jim: Yeah. I missed it, Fell asleep on the couch. Did you see the Ayers?
Isabelle: Yes. Big story in the Paper about it. Show him the paper Jacob!
Jacob hands his Uncle the paper.
Jim: Phewie! It caught fire?
Isabelle: Yeah. They’re changing the name of the boat to Cuyahoga now.
Jim: Right, after the river in Cleveland.
Isabelle: Yes. We met up with the Captain at a diner in Port Dover the day after, and told her all about Great Grandad Matteo, they’re Christening the boat tomorrow afternoon, she wants me to do the honours.
Jim: Great! So will you be there Jacob?
Jacob: Yeah. He’s taking me to get my ears pierced this afternoon.
Jim: Cool.
Act 3 Scene 7
The Hairdressers. Jacob and Isabelle enter, the doorbell rings somewhere. And the hairdresser comes to meet them.
Isabelle: I’d like to have my ears pierced.
Hairdresser: Have a seat! He gestures to the swivel-chair. She sits down.
Isabelle: I’ve never had a piercing before.
Hairdresser: Just the ears?
Isabelle: Yeah.
Hairdresser: Would you like to see the choices?
ISabelle: ok
Hairdresser: Brings over a sheet with samples of various kinds of starter studs.
Isabelle: ooh. These are nice. What do you think JAcob? Little Starfish and Ukuleles, Blue, Red or Green gemstones, Studs.
Jacob: I don’t know anything, but the studs.
ISabelle: What’s wrong with the others?
Jacob: They’re too childish.
Isabelle: They’re childish!?
Jacob: Are you still trying to impress Mr. Hamilton?
Isabelle: Mr. Hammond! And no! I have moved on from Grade 9 Religious Studies.
Jacob: Yeah? Then why the beef with reincarnation?
Isabelle: Jacob! I don’t know. Is this really a good time to be having this conversation?
Jacob: You want to have it after we Christen the boat Isabelle?
Isabelle: I see your point. I’ll go with the little cherubs.
The Hairdresser comes over and pierces her ears.
Isabelle goes to the front to pay. Someone from one of the other chairs stands up and shoves past Jacob on his way out the door.
Jacob: Well if it isn’t Vincent Sway! Are we forgetting which end is the deep end again?
Be careful Sway!
ISabelle: Vincent! What are you doing here?
Vincent: Don’t be fooled Isabelle, I’m no longer in the 9th grade. (leaves)
Act 3 Scene 8
Back in the underworld.
It starts raining delicate underwear.
Matteo: I didn’t see anything about underwear in the forecast today!
George: When it rains it pours!
Peter starts picking them up: The love of God! Picks one off George’s coat.
MAtteo: What an ordeal that was on the Lake.
George: Oh?
Matteo: The women all holding their breath for the sun to appear again.
George: Yes yes. I’ve seen an eclipse myself once. The ladies do swoon.
Matteo: It almost makes you pity God for a minute. All the senselessness and upheaval of man.
George: Well it’s not all bad. Man can be cheerful and distinguished sometimes, and man shall inherit the earth!
Matteo: Hmm.
George: It’s so cold down here.
Matteo: Have a swig of wine George. It will warm your blood.
George takes the wine from Matteo and Drinks. Thank You. He hands it back.
Peter: The mind is so blissfully empty here! Is it not George?
George: Speak for yourself Peter. I have a very active mind.
A Negro woman appears: Why is everybody just lying around? I thought this was Limbo! The men jump up and throw together a makeshift limbo line. And begin taking their turns.
Whoo! Music.
Matteo: You’ll never make it George. Not with a Chin like that.
Negro woman: New Wave everybody! They lower the limbo line.
They dance a little while get tuckered out and collapse again
Lady Luck: Appears. What is the meaning of this!?
Negro woman: Are you here to put a stop to our Fun!?
Lady Luck: Calypso! Is there no serenity even in hell?
Calypso: None that I can tell! Leaves.
Lady Luck: George! George! Dear, I’ve found it!
George: What have you found my Lady?
Lady Luck: Hope for the future!
George: Well that is something!
LAdy Luck: observe! She unveils a flute.
George: A flute!
He begins to play, the flute keeps getting longer. Until he can’t reach the lower notes anymore.
Hmm! He bangs it a few times at the bottom, to get it to fit back into shape.
Lady Luck: Assists him.
Matteo: Laughing
Lady Luck: Shouldn’t you be looking after your potatoes Matteo?
Matteo: Potatoes look after themselves, Lady Luck.
Act 3 Scene 9
ISabelle bumps into Vincent again on her way back from buying a bottle of Champagne.
ISabelle: Vincent!
Vincent: Yes.
ISabelle: I, she stammers. I’m so sorry about the other day!
VIncent: It’s alright Isabelle. How are your ears?
ISabelle: My ears?
ZVincent: Yeah you got pierced.
ISabelle: RIght! Yeah. Umm they’re ok
Vincent: Little Angels right?
Isabelle: Yeah.
Vincent: You don’t always get what you bargain for.
ISabelle: No
VIncent: Are you busy? Do you want to get lunch?
Isabelle: No I, I’m kind of busy. I have this thing at the Lake. I’m supposed to Christen a boat this afternoon.
Vincent: The Cuyahoga?
Isabelle: Yeah.
Vincent: Oh cool, can I come and watch?
Isabelle: I guess. Um, she coaxes him along. Your Great-Grand Dad was in the war too I think.
Vincent: Yes. The Ragbag division.
ISabelle: Alright well I’ll see you there!
Vincent: Ok
Act 4 Scene 1
Theme from Randy Newman’s “Burn On”
Small group, mostly reporters, Isabelle, the Captain, a few sailors and some onlookers including Jacob and VIncent.
Captain Audman: Alright everyone! Gather Round! Today we will be re-Christening the J. Burton Ayers. I am the boat’s Captain, Captain Audman! And by the authority vested in me, I hereby appoint Isabelle to do the honours, and to say a few words. Thank You.
Isabelle: Standing before the crowd My Great-Grand-father Matteo Verdis served on this boat shipping iron ore to Cleveland during the war. Matteo was a great storyteller, his children and grandchildren were often spellbound when he sat them down by the fire to tell his stories. And I will share one that was passed down to me over the years. Who is to blame? Who is to blame? There was once a young German boy who was taken to a gift-shop at Christmas and shown the many toys he might ask for. Two toys attracted his attention the most. One was a toy soldier, and the other a toy fish. The little boy, when asked by his Mother and Father what toy he wanted for Christmas said: I would like the toy soldier. A few Months later war broke out across Europe and the little boy’s Father had to go off to serve. He cried to his Mother. “Mother why? Why? Must Father go?” and his Mother replied “because you bought the toy Soldier and not the toy fish. Today we mark that our choices do have meaning. And that we can choose the toy fish instead of the toy solider in our lives! People say “you are not to blame, you are not to blame. But our efforts do have meaning. And we have Matteo and many others’ efforts to thank for the freedoms we enjoy today! And today we acknowledge the land and water that he and many others served to protect. So without furthermore ado:
I baptize you!
She shakes the bottle and sprays the boat.
Cuyahoga!
There are some photographs and the group disperses.
Jacob shoves Vincent off the dock.
Vincent: You no-good…
Jacob: No good what? Have a drink Vincent!
The Crowd disperses:
Jacob and Isabelle remain.
ISabelle: You shoved him off the dock?
Jacob: It was ceremonial.
Isabelle: Oh Great A ceremonial shove-off.
Jacob: yeah
Isabelle: This was supposed to be a sanctification! An observance of healing! The beginning of a time of peace and prosperity.
Jacob: Yeah well I guess there were a few other things fermenting.
ISabelle: Jacob!
JAcob: You did well though. I thought! I liked the way you said gift-shop you’re very charismatic.
ISabelle: Alright. But you’re not invited to the Post-Christening Party!
Jacob: You’re invited to a post-christening party?
ISabelle: yes
Act 4 Scene 2
The Post Christening Party:
Isabelle arrives, and makes her way over to a stool. Someone beside her talks.
Sailor: You’re the girl who did the christening aren’t you?
Isabelle: Yes. pause
Sailor: You know something ?
Isabelle: yeah?
Sailor: There’s more fibre in peas than in any other vegetable.
ISabelle: No way!
Sailor: yeah wey! Look at my hands (he shows her his hands. She looks them over.
Sailor: It’s a very old trick to see if someone is lying to you. If they refuse to hold them palms up, they’re hiding something.
Isabelle: Nods So where are you from?
Sailor: Cleveland.
Sailor: So, drums his fingers on the countertop. take a look at that! Someone comes in with a big gift wrapped in giftwrap. They bring it to a delegate of natives, who unwrap it. Revealing a drum. They play a few beats.
Someone else comes by with a smaller gift for Isabelle and hands it to her wordlessly.
Isabelle: Oh for me!
The giver: yes.
Isabelle: unwraps the present. Revealing a tin of balm. The giver takes it and places it on her forehead.
Thank You!
Sailor: Now you’re consecrated Missy.
Isabelle: What does that mean?
Sailor: It means people look up when you walk around. Give it a try!
ISabelle: Rises and walks around. People do look up at her as she moves around the room. She runs into the Captain, who has a word with her.
Captain Audman: Isabelle! Glad you could make it.
ISabelle: Lots of folks from Port Dover here!
Captain: Sure are. Shhh! They’re going to give us a drum solo.
Isabelle: Pulls up a seat with Captain and listens. I wish Matteo were here.
Captain: He’s with you in spirit.
Isabelle: Yes.
Captain: Whispers: They’re from Cleveland. They grow lively. She listens.
Act 4 Scene 3
Isabelle is in the bathroom back at home, looking in the mirror.
She sees Matteo on the other side.
Matteo: There you are my lamb!
Isabelle: Matteo!
Matteo: Yes! My Dear. How are you?
Isabelle: Oh a little tired with all the partying.
Matteo: Same here, same here, lamb.
Isabelle: We renamed the boat.
Matteo: Oh yes! THe news is terribly slow in the underworld Isabelle. Or I’d have certainly made an appearance.
Isabelle: OH?
Matteo: yes yes. I like your hair! have you done something with it?.
Isabelle: yes Thank You.
Jacob: There you are! Enters bathroom.
Matteo disappears.
Isabelle: Jacob!
Jacob: You still have that balm on your forehead.
Isabelle: oh yes.
Jacob: kisses it.
Jacob: We have to take care of the Earth Isabelle.
Isabelle: Yeah. She takes his hands and notices that he does not want to hold them face up.
Isabelle: Are you hiding something from me Jacob?
JAcob: Why do you say that?
Isabelle: Be honest with me.
Jacob: OK! I have been keeping some things to myself.
Isabelle: Such as?
Jacob: Well, I don’t know. Why don’t we peel the fruit of our love more slowly?
ISabelle: No.
Jacob: ok so, I may have sabotaged something.
Isabelle: something?
Jacob: well a few things.
Isabelle: yes?
Jacob: Your relationship with Vincent.
Isabelle: Ok I sort of knew that, what else?
Jacob: My own Shadow. Covers his eyes.
ISabelle: Ok and?
Jacob: Have you ever heard of the withering yew?
ISabelle: No
Jacob: It’s a curse word I know. I’m not allowed to share it with you, ever.
Isabelle: Well I hope not.
Jacob: Yeah well, don’t piss me off.
Isabelle: So you’re a Cursing Saboteur?
Jacob: Yes.
Isabelle: Alright then. That’s not so bad.
Jacob: No
ISabelle: I’m kind of surprised.
Jacob: Yeah well. What did you expect?
Isabelle: I don’t know I expected you to challenge my loyalty in some way.
Jacob: Maybe I did.
Isabelle: You know the eclipse Jacob?
Jacob: Yes.
Isabelle: I’m glad we cared.
Jacob: Yeah, me too.
Act 4 Scene 4
Ethan, Tom and Mary. nicely dressed backstage after the Yo Yo Ma concert.
Great HubBub
Mary: This is amazing. Oh I’ve never done anything this high-brow in my life!
Ethan and Tom: Chuckle. Warmly
Mary: OH look here he comes!
They wait as he shakes hands with some others back-stage and makes his way over to them.
Mary: Mr. Ma! I am so, so very honoured to meet you!
He shakes her hand and nods to the two men.
Yo Yo Ma: Music is like a child you know, you raise it up and it grows and then it lives and it dies. But then it is reborn again in a new form, and lives on.
Mary: Nods emphatically.
Yo Yo Ma waves at someone and moves on.
Mary: Tom?
Tom: Yes Mary.
Mary: Thank You
Tom: Hey It’s not all Babies, Bricks and Beer.
Act 4 Scene 5
Ethan: So what did he say to you Mary, I didn’t catch it.
Mary: He talked about the human lifespan as analogous to music.
Ethan: The span of life!
Mary: Yes. And the Range.
Ethan: Hmm. and the Range, yes.
Mary: Oh Someday Ethan, I will be playing in a concert hall like this one.
Ethan: Well they say everyone has at least one instance in their lives, when everything comes full circle!
Mary: Wouldn’t it be amazing Ethan! Bowing in front of all those people.
Ethan: I would be proud of you Mary.
Mary: Tom, I no longer consider you the odd-fish in the family.
Pause they walk along.
Tom: I remember when you two first met
Ethan: Oh yes!
Mary: so do I
Tom: Why did you guys elope? Wouldn’t it have been nicer to have a wedding, invite all the family and so on?
Ethan: It’s true. It’s not like we had to elope Mary.
Mary: No.
Tom: Ever wish you could travel back in time?
Ethan: Yes.
Tom: The 1960s would have been cool
Ethan: Yeah. To see so much change happening in the world. People beginning to see more of the good in all the people around them.
Tom: Yeah, the wowie zowies.
Ethan: The Wowie Zowies!
Mary stops and notices someone she knows walking along:
Mary: Oh my God Tina ! What are you doing here?
Tina: Oh just consorting with the breeze I guess.
Mary: Oh my God Tina!! I haven’t seen you in ages!
Tina: It must be synchronicity Mary! It brought us together. THere is some reason for it I’m sure!
Ethan: shrugs and nods. maybe.
Mary: You know we’re staying with Ethan’s brother Tom here for the weekend. Why don’t you come with us back to his place and we can catch up!
Act 4 Scene 6
Back in the underworld
Big spiderweb at the apothecary
Matteo is in line at the apothecary
Clerk: I’m afraid I didn’t have you in mind this morning when I prepared the remedies.
Matteo: That’s ok I’ll wait. He sits in a nearby chair.
Another non descript underworlder comes by to pick up his medications Greets the clerk.
Clerk: Ah Here we are your fig leaves sir. Sets a stack of leaves for him on the counter.
Underworlder takes them and leaves.
Clerk: Have you considered choosing a natural remedy instead Matteo? It can be so hard to get pharmaceuticals down here.
Matteo: Wholeheartedly I have. But It is my heart making the decisions I assure you.
Clerk: Alright, well I will have to order them from another branch next time. THey are no longer being produced locally.
Matteo: Sounds good.
The Clerk: Hands him the medication. You’re sure you won’t consider it?
Matteo: No Thanks. He walks backwards without looking where he’s going and gets trapped in the giant spider’s web.
Matteo: Oh no! Tries to free himself. Agonizes
Clerk: Gets some scissors and comes over and frees him.
Matteo: Needing some rest after.
Clerk: Takes his pulse. There, just take some deep breaths, you’ll be fine.
Matteo: Alright! He stands up. Can’t those spiders do anything productive! Couldn’t they be weaving rugs or blankets or something?
Clerk: It is very cold down here.
Act 4 Scene 7
Peter, George and Matteo have formed a hunting party and are outfitted with spears and nets. They are returning with the carcass of a giant spider.
George deposits the spider on the ground.
Matteo: That was very brave of you, doing battle with three of them at once George!
George: Anything for Lady Luck.
Peter: I’m surprised they managed to carry her away so easily to begin with, and what for?
George: Your guess is as good as mine. But I think the spiders are up to something.
Matteo: Share your thoughts with us George.
George: Well it might be that these spiders are not merely a public nuisance, but are in fact fortune hunters.
Matteo: Fortune Hunters! Why yes! You’re right George. But what would a bunch of spiders have done with her?
George: Use your imagination Matteo, they could easily have set her up on a throne and worshipped her. Knocked the coins out of her with a gambling hammer and so on.
Matteo: Isn’t that what we’ve done ourselves though?
Peter: That would make us fortune hunters too by that mark, Gerogey.
George: Hmm. Well, I think it should be up to Lady Luck herself. If she prefers the spiders to us, let her have them!
Lady Luck: Enters.
George: Ah here comes my dearest Fate!
Lady Luck: What have I said about getting my name wrong George?
Matteo: You’re in for it now George.
George: It was meant as an endearment my Lady.
Lady Luck: You know what George? I do like the spiders better! At least they have decent furniture! And such lovely silken robes.
George: You would quickly grow tired of them. They have such repressive laws and labour unions.
Matteo: Sing their praises if you wish my Lady, but you won’t persuade us.
Peter: You can’t defect to the spiders over a little silk! Just think how unpopular you would become!
Lady Luck: Well alright. I must say, that one there wasn’t particularly nice.
She eyes the giant carcass. WHat are you going to do with him?
George: We’ll have him bronzed and make a statue of him. Won’t we boys?
Matteo and Peter: agree.
Act 4 Scene 8
The spider is now bronzed but has been hollowed out to form a large Bell, with intricately carved figures along the lower part towards the brim and several fig leaves attached.
The men lay in a mishmash heap on the ground. Possibly stoned.
Lady Luck: appears at balcony wearing something that reveals a good deal of her bosom. How often do I have to remind you George ? I am Lady Luck, and not Lady Leisure. She descends from the balcony kicks them up. They rise and dust off their clothing.
Lady Luck: You have lots of time to sleep Matteo, today we have work to do!
I have had a very interesting dream.
MAtteo: yes? And?
Lady Luck: I had a dream that the night was more dazzling even than the day! And that the sky curved once again down instead of up!
Matteo: And?
Lady Luck: And I want you to go and perform some miracles in my name! She rings the bell over and over several times. And the three men disperse.
Act 4 Scene 9
Tina and Mary and Ethan and Tom at Tom’s place laughing.
Tina: Do you remember the time the neighbour’s dog broke loose and followed us home?
Mary: Yeah What was his name again? Fluffy?
Tina: Fluffy Yeah I think so. He’s gone now.
Mary:” Poor thing, he was so. So cute.
Tina: It’s ok you don’t have to say anything.
Mary: I’m sorry.
Tina: and now I wish I could follow him.
Mary: But why Tina?
TIna: Well, I’m not very well myself. She cries.
Mary: Oh Tina! She holds her.
Tina: THe Doctors say I may have been allergic to one of the ingredients in the vaccine. There’s not much they can do. I may go on like this for a long time. She cries more.
Mary: Have you seen any other doctors?
Tina: No, I just wish we had Medical Assistance in Dying here. Life can be so cruel!
Mary: You know Ethan and I just got back from Canada.
Tina: Oh really?
Mary: Yeah we went to see the eclipse. It was really cool, we met some folks there who invited us to a native wedding.
Ethan: Don’t exaggerate Mary!
Mary: It was a private ceremony.
Tina: A ceremony!
Ethan: They buried a rock in the sand together.
Tina: I like Canadians!
Ethan: He gave me a rock to take home you know!
Tina: Really? May I see it.
Ethan: Yes. I’ve been keeping it in my pocket. For good luck you know.
Tina: It brings good luck you say?
Ethan: YEs. He finds the rock in his pocket: Well, maybe. The guy who gave it to me said that if you leave it beside a burning candle a spirit-guide will appear. He hands it to her.
Tina: Oh Thank You Ethan! This is so nice of you!
Ethan: You’re welcome sweetie.
Act 4 Scene 10
Tina is alone at her apartment. She lights a candle and sets the rock down beside it. THen she sits down and watches the candle for a few moments and waits.
Then Matteo appears.
Tina: Oh Hello! You must be my spirit-guide!
Matteo: Yes, Hello
Tina: Are you Canadian?
Matteo: Yes, I suppose. Although I haven’t been living there recently.
Tina: I’m interested in moving to Canada you know.
Matteo: Really? What for?
Tina: Well I’m sick. I want to qualify for MAID.
Matteo: Interesting.
Tina: I was told you might be able to heal me though.
Matteo: Well I have been instructed to perform some miracles! But I caution you it is in the name of Lady Luck.
TIna: Great!
Matteo massages her temples.
Life just doesn’t give you a foothold sometimes does it?
Tina: No, I suppose not.
Matteo: You’re still so young!
Tina: 21.
Matteo: tsk tsk. He holds her feet.
Tina: You are a very good masseuse.
Matteo: Thank You
Tina: So who is lady luck?
Matteo: Oh she is queen of the underworld.
Tina: the underworld!
Matteo: Yes, that’s where I live these days.
Tina: Is it very dangerous in the underworld?
Matteo: It’s not too bad, we have lots of spiders.
Tina: Oh I wouldn’t like that.
Matteo: And we’re talking about drilling for oil.
Tina: For oil!
Matteo: Yeah
Tina: sits up.
Matteo: sits beside her
Tina: So did you get to see the eclipse?
Matteo: You know you’re the only one who asked me that. Everyone seems to assume that I did, but I did not. I was stuck in the underworld the whole time. Sure I got to go to the after party. But really I missed the main event you know?
Tina: That’s so sad.
Matteo: Yeah well. You know you get hardened to these things after awhile.
Tina: You served in the war too then?
Matteo: Sure did.
Tina: Touches his chest with her hands and says: You’re very handsome for a spirit-guide.
Matteo: Smiles, Thank You.
Act 4 Scene 11
Tina and Matteo sitting along the beach together at the lake watching sunset.
Tina: Tell me more about the old wartime days.
Matteo: You like stale bread?
Tina: Not really.
Matteo: You sure?
Tina: Yeah
Matteo: You wouldn’t have liked it much. Looks out at lake again.
Tina: Did the war take you?
Matteo: No, it did not, though it took many braver than I.
Tina: What do you think the future will be like Matteo?
Matteo: The future is like a nearby bird that you may call to. It will come for some, but not for others. It comes mostly for small children who hold out their hands to it. Sometimes it comes screaming past, and then disappears into the blue.
Tina: Do you have birds in the underworld Matteo?
MAtteo: doesn’t answer, smiles at her and they kiss.
She slumps forward and dies, Matteo finds the stone which fell from her hands and takes it and skipps it along the water
THE END