Actually
waking up happened
Thursday afternoon at about noon, because I was over at a
friend's house
all night, having a mini-
LAN party and
burning school notes and hated papers. The
school demon, however, was not to be banished so easily. Just as the past few years and blocks of months passed marked by
deficiency reports and significantly
dismal report cards,
the news arrived today that I have to attend
summer school, for one course, and move another in the next school year, my
Senior year in High School.
I don't understand my
deficient grades. Rather, I don't understand
my own laziness. My deficient
grades are in direct relation to said
laziness. I have been
diagnosed with ADD, put on two different forms of
Ritalin, and been through 1 summer school course and retaken a course during the year. I don't
suck as bad as a real
delinquent, yet my grandparents (who are
footing the bill) and my parents (who are very cool, yet confusing) are at an almost complete loss as to
what the hell my problem is.
I want to be an
audio engineer for a band, or a movie
audio editor of some sort. Being in a
private,
parochial High School, especially one where the
media club excersises an almost
Orwellian chain of command in which we, the
officers, are trusted with our own room as much as a lion might be trusted herding sheep, is not very motivating. I am most definitely a
nerd, and I carry a
laptop that I
take notes on, which all too often becomes a target for the
spitwads and gumwads that the
idiots (
spoiled brats whose parents had to send them to "the best"
high school in the area) like to fling while a
teacher is talking.
It's also not very cool to have a
religion class that conflicts with your own beliefs, especially when you're almost the only one in the class that holds those beliefs. Talking about
euthanasia,
abortion,
capital punishment,
video game violence, and other
controversial topics almost makes it
the class vs. me, and most times the teacher as well.
I almost wish that I could take a more
spread out schedule, having certain classes only on certain days, and breaks in between. Having
7 period days with 40 minutes for lunch (including standing in a
gargantuan line if the lunch is popular) is not a very relaxing way of gaining one's
important education. For the most part, however, I
pay attention, when I get home, however, and
slip back into my own world,
inside my computer, on
E2, and within the
vast far-reaching depths of the internet, I forget completely about the
doldrums and
bullshit that school brings, and allow myself to become completely unaware of a
50 point essay that needs to be printed, or a
math assignment that is due 6th period tomorrow. I find so many peers from my computer that the world of school seems so
chaotic and
unwelcoming that I just shut it out. This is so hard to explain to my parents, it isn't logical, it isn't a good explanation, but I don't know how else to explain my
shitty grades.
Fuck it, it's almost
11:00, and I'm
nodding off. This, my
first Daylog, has gotten about 3 paragraphs longer than I'd planned it. I just am glad
summer's here, and that
my friends and I are starting a movie soon, that if I
play my cards right in, I may just be able to create a name for myself.
Here's to the night. Tomorrow is coming
too soon.