"Sorry I left you with nothing more than words
dropping silently into a bucket
making my ears ring"
This is one of the
few utterances that I have hurriedly
scribbled down in my
journal these past months since I left
Nashvegas. Today, I fought with my
mother, missed my best friend, felt an ache for an old
friend or two, and felt more loved and alone than I have ever felt.
A few days
ago, I was told that I suffer from
depression, to which I almost replied
"That explains a lot!! No wonder I never get out of bed anymore!"These past months have made
me think and experience a lot. Now I am left to myself. I spend too many days just
driving around
Memphis, sluffing off my
duties and attempting to find
beauty in the passing trees and white lines on the road. I, whom
you know as
chevette, have become a
dreamer, a
slacker, an
artist, a
musician and more
confused than I have ever been.
I have realized that all of
us are lonely, aching for one thing or another. Personally, I am aching for
love and
companionship, but not only those, I
desire to know purpose. So,
once again, I am pulling out my
compass and pointing it toward my
northern star...
"time gets in the way
of everything I've ever wanted to be
time gets in the way
of that sparkle in your eyes
time gets in the way again
of all I wanted to show you
when you look at me
you don't see me at all..."