Be careful what you wish for...you just may get it.
Walking up the Royal Mile in Edinburgh, looking for a sweater for Mom to take back to California. She's got the baby in the sling, facing inward, fast asleep against her chest. He's making a little whuffling snoring sound.
"Are you happy?" She asks it pensively. Living so far apart, visiting each other so infrequently, we have to say these things rather than just seeing them.
Pause for thought:
Miscarrying the first pregnancy the very day my nephew was born
Months passing, divided into the impatient wait for ovulation and the hopeful time before a period signalled failure
The anxious wait for my period in Madrid, then the pregnancy test in Maastricht; 2 blue lines at last
Bleeding within a month, just like last time; even a successful scan couldn't soothe my terror.
A weekend of breathless dread between bleeding again on a Friday night and rushing to the hospital for a Monday morning scan
Morning sickness - getting off the bus on Princes Street to throw up every day one week
The prospect of a Caesarian section - they were going to cut into me!
Sleepless nights. Colic. Screaming without peace.
Future worries - the terrible twos, adolescence, defiance and hostility, fevers, chicken pox and car crashes. Letting go.
I realize she's still waiting for my reply. I cup my hand over my son's tiny, fuzzy skull, and he grins goofily in his sleep. How to put it into words?
"I got what I always wanted, and it was better than I ever thought it would be."
Baby, you rock my world.